The Olive trees of yesteryear

a poem about olives.

 

 The Olive trees of yesteryear

 

 

Plato took shade underneath them,

 Dogs love to sleep in the afternoon sun underneath them,

 A backpacker loves to take

 photos of them.

 

Society could not exist with out them,

We could not of washed our dirty bodies with out them,

 The inside of humans could not function for such a long and healthy time

With out them.

 

We could not see in dark with out them, and with out a shadow of a doubt our food would be awful with out them.

 

The Olive trees of yesteryear!

The Olive trees of yesteryear!

The Olive trees of yesteryear!

 

 

 

Reviews

[Eldarwen]

I like the first stance, aside the "dog's" typo. The picture you paint there is quite nice and actually let's me imagine an olive tree growing over the years with the different sceneries passing by like seasons.

However, in the second stance, you completely lost me on your second line and I'm sad to say that this fact ruins the rest of the poem for me.
I might just be particularly dense when it comes to poetry but I simply do not get that line and I cannot wrap my head around what you're trying to say with it.

I do like how you tried to make the poem actually look like an olive tree though, with the repetition of the title being the trunk :)

[Raven Starhawk]

I found this enticing and charming.

[Miranda Manne]

Hm...interesting. I'm not usually one for nature poems, and I sometimes find them trite. Not so with this one; I'm not sure if it is because I don't get it, or I just don't care to.

One question I have to ask: Are you playing with phonetics, or did you just have some grammatical slip ups? You've never struck me as the type to accidentally lose sight of grammar, but you DO strike me as someone who would break boundaries in order to put SOUND over grammar.

[Hannah Paige]

I think this concept has a lot of potential, however, I'm not sure you totally know what you're trying to convey, and the reader certainly doesn't.

I hate to say this, because it seems so nit-picky, but the spelling and grammar mistakes really take away from the piece. It's hard to focus on the concept of the poem when grammar, the basis of writing, is incorrect.

"Dog’s" should be "Dogs"
"exists" should be "exist"
"could not of" should be "could not have"
"are dirty bodies" should be "our dirty bodies"
"With out them" (i'm not positive about this one, so you might want to check it) should be "without them" (i believe this applies to everywhere you say "with out")
"are food" should be "our food"

I know content is often more important than things like grammar and spelling, but your piece will never be taken seriously with so many basic mistakes. You can't begin to make your piece stronger content wise, until you eliminate silly things spelling mistakes.

I really do like the idea of exploring the strength of the majestic olive tree, though. With some touch-ups, this could be a strong piece.

[Maryum Mazhar]

Hard to comprehend at first, but once you do, its just great!

[hmm]

Beautiful write, enjoyed the read

[MmeCorpse]

Cute poem. I enjoyed it. :)

[Beautifully Tragic xPoe..]

Clever, lovely write. Nicely done!

Lovely Luke! How do we love Olive trees! I am crazy about them :D