Our Promise

This is supposed to a poem which will be submitted for the Once Upon a Time poetry contest. Hopefully, you will all enjoy this poem.

Will thou remember our love?

Will thou promise me this?

Power, Hatred, Revenge.

Please. See the light.

 

Use our love.  Ignore  

Her Majestic failure.

Ignore her cold heart.

Ignore her power.

 

Let you return to me. Your heart

Was pure with me. What now?

Will you lead me to thou death?

To mine? This is a new dawn.

One where we can start from our

Origins. One where she does not matter.

A dawn where only our love matters.

Promise. No. No Promise. A game.

 

A game where you lose by your own rules.

No Promise. Just deals. I trade my soul for you

Not to be dark. Deal. Promise. Think of our love.

Think of it and remember. Remember our days and

Look into the future. What do you see?

Our death? Or our ever-lasting love?

Author's Note

Please tell me what I can do to improve it! Thanks!

Reviews

[Lyana]

Oh my God, it's lovely! I'm guessing that this is Belle speaking to Rumpelstiltskin. I only want to correct one thing. In the first two lines, the usage of "thy" is incorrect. "Thy" is a personal form of the possessive pronoun "your." The word you should use for this if you want a more archaic feel is "thou." Other than that, beautiful!

[luke]

Oh thank you for point that out! Oh thank you! I just read yours as well and yours is really amazing! I can imagine you as a professional writer in the future!

[luke]

*pointing that out

[Lyana]

Oh, thank you, Luke! That is lovely! Although, if you did read it, I ask that you review mine, too, and please tell me what you think would improve it or make it better. Tell me what emotions you felt.

Your poem is definitely beautiful. I can see Belle saying all of this. I love her calling Regina "Her Majestic failure." Mockery, but it's subtle in a way. Although she's definitely bitter, as we see in the second stanza, she's willing to let go for the sake of both her and Rumpel's lives.