A Living Nightmare

   My heart is pounding as the girl moves down the pitch black hallway.  I watch as she looks over her shoulder, paranoia clouding her features.  I can hear the man shifting his weight noisily in the shadows at the end of the hall as he waits.  The girl keeps walking, oblivious.  There is something so familiar about her face, the way she walks, every thing about her.

   I watch as she takes those last few steps into the utter darkness, taking a full minute, glancing behind herself every few seconds.  I want to yell out to tell her that the man she thought she was leaving behind her was about two feet in front of her in the darkness.  But i can not seem to find my voice, or my body for that matter.  I watch, helpless to the girl, as the man steps forward just enough to be seen in the darkness.  He is about 5' 10" with brown hair and is filthy as if he had been rolling around in dirt all day.  I notice blood.  It is all over him.  It is on his shirt, in his hair... and on the knife he is holding in his right hand.  He clenches the knife so hard that his knuckles turn a ghostly white color. 

   His dry lips pull back into a develish grin ans he says, "Hello Anabell."

   I feel myself gasp in horror along with Anabell, although no sound does come from me here.  For I am not truly here in a physical sense.  I do not know why I think of this Anabell as a different one than me, but I do.  I realize this is why she looks so familiar.

   But why am i not in my body?  Why am I watching all of this?  None of it makes any sense.  I should be experiencing all of this through her body - my body.

   I watch her - me - take a step back trying to escape from him.  I do not remember who he is though.  There is no sense of deja vu, I just watch as he reaches out in half of a second and grabs her arm - my arm.  Her eyes widen in shock and fear as she tries to pull away but the only thing that happens is that he tightens his grip on her arm.  He takes her wrist and grabs the other one holding them down, locking her arms in a straight position.  He uses his other hand to gently run the smooth side of the bloody knife across her cheeks.  She tries to look away, but he just presses the knife into her cheek forcing her to at him.

   "Why are doing this?" She asks him.

   He pulls his lips back and lets out a low snarl.  "Why do you think?" He yells even though he is only inches away.  "This was the only way I could get you to notice me.  Do you know how much it hurts having you not notice me?  Seeing you only notice that stupid jock of yours that you think you love?  You do not love him Anabell!  You just tihnk you do!  But you don't have to worry about being fooled by your false feelings for him.  I took care of that for you," He tells her, smiling at the knife in his hand.

   Her lip- my lip- starts to tremble as her eyes fill with tears, knowing what he means.  His lips pull down in the corners of his mouth at the sight of her - me.

   "Sweetie, don't cry.  We can be together now.  You can see how much I love you and you will realize how much you love me."

   His eyebrows knit together in confusion at the sight of fear on her face.  Suddenly, his face turns serious and determined.  He crashes down on her lips with his own, repeatedly.  This causes the tears to run down her face - my face.  This sight just makes his kisses more determined.  He keeps kissing her hard and mutters "You DO love me!" between every few kisses.

   He finally gives up and throws her down to the floor.  Sh hits her head against the wall, hard.  "Why won't you love me?!?!?!" he shouts at her.  Her eyes flicker with fear as she looks up at him holding the knife.

   I do not know what makes her do it, but she pulls back into a slouch against the wall and launches the heel of her foot right into his groind.  A direct hit.  He drops the knife and falls to the ground.  She jumps to her feet and walks around him, gripping the walls for support.  The hit on her head made her dizzy, no doubt.  She found her way to a door that led outside and stumbled down the steps.  She hears him banging around inside as he stands up.  His foot steps grow louder as they get closer to the open front door of the old log cabin.  She freezes with fear when the footsteps are their loudest and then stop.  She turns her head around slowly to see why they stopped.

   She looks at him standing in the doorway, gripping thw wood, his knuckles' skin near the point of ripping.  He is panting and staring at her, an evil look of desire and rage in his eyes.  All of the sudden, he lunges at her, grabbing for her shirt and hair.  The knife must still be laying somewhere on the floor of the cabin.  She jumps back, just barely out of the reach of his bloodied hands.

   "You do love me Anabell! You do!  Why can you not see that?  I love you and you love me back!  That stupid jock that you were confused about is now gone!  You do not have to think you are in love with him anymore.  I am here now.  You love me,"  He tells her as he makes another failed attempt to grab at her.

   Tears pour out of her eyes, tracking streaks through the dirt that covers her cheeks.  She bites her lip to keep her composure.  She ahs stopped crying, yet her cheeks are still being streaked with moisture.  The dark, night sky above them flashes with furious life.  A second later, the brilliant light is gone and leaves them in the darkness.  They both look up to see rain pouring down on their faces as the sky growls down at them.  He shakes a bit, just now noticing the frigid temperature.  Again, the sky flashes with great light.  But this time, there is another startling sound before the thunder clap.  From the corner of her eye -my eye- she sees a branch tumbling toward the ground.  It lands no more than five feet away.  Both pairs of eyes land on it.  I long now more than any time before to be back in her body - my body - in a physical sense once again.  But everything goes on, with me still watching everything from afar, as though only my eyes and ears are there, floating in space, invisible.

   He goes to lunge for the fallen branch but slips in a puddle of mud, hitting his knee on a rather sharp rock.  She jumps to the fallen branch and snatches it, raising it like a bat.  As soon as she has the branch turned bat abover her head, he stands up out of the mud.  Where his knee hit the sharp rock, there is a deep gash that is bleeding badly.

   He goes to stand up and when he puts weight on the leg of his cut knee, he wails out in pain.  He holds his foot above the ground so as not to put any weight on his knee.  But he does not fall over as she wishes he would.  She looks at his knee, seeing how badly it bleeds and cannot help but feel bad about it, for causing it, even when he deserves it.

   "It's okay Anabell,"  His voice is soothing in a highly creepy way.  "My knee can get better.  I forgive you.  I still love you because I know you didn't cause it on purpose.  You love me too and you would not do that."

   She seems to be starting to have a breakdown.  She is crying and shaking her head.  She catches herself though, regaining composure.  She grips the branch tighter.  He glances up at her hands, tight around the branch.

   "Why don't you put down the branch, honey?  You do not need to protect yourself from me and I can protect you from everything else," He tells her.

   Again she shakes her head, gripping the branch so tight that her knuckles turn white.  I am guessing the branch cuts into the skin of her hands because blood starts to stain the color of the wood on the branch and trickles down to her wrists.

   "Now, sweetheart, don't do that.  You and I both don't want you to damage your beautiful hands."  He seems to notice everything about her and everything that she does.  He extends his hand out to her, motioning for her to give the stick to him.

   She shakes her head again.  Tears roll down her face, barely visible in the rain.  She takes a step back, trying to further the distance between her and the man.  Or rather the boy with the mannish features painted with lustful desire and rage.  He moves forward but is quick to move the weight off of his injured knee when the pressure causes him to cringe and lets out a small yelp.

   "You know, I am a quick healer.  I also get used to pain fairly quick.  Nothin gto worry about.  Actually," he says as a vilinous grin comes across his face.  "I can most likely walk now."  He puts his leg with the injured knee forward.  He twitches a little when he puts the pressure on it but seems otherwise fine.

   I do not understand why she does not run.  There is a road going from the cabin to the small town, with other cabins and houses along the way.  She seems to be too terrified to even think of running away so easily.  Her eyes dart everywhere, assessing her surroundings and calculating the chance that she would escape sucessfully.

   Then, suddenly, he launches himself at her.  She tries to hold up the stick to defend herself -myself really.  I just can not get used to calling her me when I am witnissing all of this from afar.  This stick was most deffinately not enough to hold him back.  With his greater size and weight, he knocked her to the ground.

   The stick was positioned in the worst way possible.  It is now pressing against her throat.  He mounts her, holding the stick in place, staring at her fear-filled wide eyes.  He tilts his head as if he is confused.  She is breathing deeply, taking large gasps.  She is having a little trouble breathing but not too much.

   "Sweetie, Anabell, I know this is hurting you. BUt it is hurting me more to not have you admit your feelings for me yet.  Please, honey.  Just tell me you love me,"  There is a wild expression of some sort of hunger on his face as he says this.

   She does her best to take a deep breath and to swallow.  SHe opens her mouth as if to say something, but she closes it quickly and slowly shakes her head.

   He grimaces at this and presses the stick into her throat with moe pressure, causing her to gasp for air.  "Please! Just say it!" He yells, easing up on the branch a little bit to give her a chance to tell him her "true feelings."

   "I... don't love you," She finally chokes out after what seems like a quiet conversation with herself.

   He gasps and his eyes fill to the brim with fury, rage, sorrow and heartbreak.  He pushes the stick harder into her throat, causing her eyes to widen exceptionally when she can not even gasp for air anymore.  The biew gets foggier as her supply of air lessens, then the entire view is splattered red until it turns black.

 

 

   I sit up in bed, gasping for air.  I feel my body, my bed, noting that i am dry and not being choked.  I sigh with relief and then remember i am at a cabin with Jack.  I smile a tiny bit to myself at this memory.  But then i feel a sting of pain in my heart, sorrow following it.  I am confused about this.  I reassure myself by telling myself that I am only feeling this way because of my nightmare.  Jack had died in it and my concious minf was still trying to understand that it isn't true.  That Jack is still alive.  This does not work completely.  Something in my head is trying to tell me that I am wrong.  That Jack is dead.  I look across the room to his bed and see a lump under the covers.  I sigh, relieved, before noticing something was wrong.  The covers look like they are dyed in one splotch on top of where Jack is.  It looks very dark on the sky blue covers.  I stand up and turn on the lights.  I gasp when I see I was right.  The covers do have stains.  It is darker than the sky blue covers.  It is a sickening dark red.  I walk over to the bed, feeling as though this is part of nightmare even though I can not remember it.  It seems like it is amnesia and deja vu at the same time.

   I pull the covers away and my hands fly to my mouth, tears running down my face.  On the bed was Jack.  But his arms and legs had deep cuts as wel as his torso which looked as though it had been stabbed several time.

   I turn away, not wanting to look at his bloody body any more.  Then I see a shadowy figure outside of the window, its eyes visible.  They are staring at me.  They are watching me intently.  I take a step away from the window, frightened.

   The shadow smiles and then in an instant dissapears.  I am so scared that I run out of the room, completely forgetting about Jack's corpse laying in the bed.  I run into the kitchen and lean against the counter, feeling the coolness of the marble through my shirt.  It is very soothing but at the same time makes me very alert.

   I close my eyes, trying to tell myself that I am just imagining alot of this.  That it is all just a reaction to my horrible nightmare.  But when I open my eyes they immediately go to my hands which have blood on them from removing Jack's covers.  My lip trembles as I turn my head to the ceiling to try to keep the tears from pouring out of my eyes.

   As I am tilting my head back, I notice the same shadowy figure outside the window.  I snap my head towards the window but the person does not move.  They don't even flinch, at all.  It is like they are a statue.  Again, I try to back away from the window.  This time though, the shadowy figure does not disappear.  They stay there watching me.  I start to hyperventilate, guessing that this was the person that had killed Jack.  Something clicks inside of my head, but it is too fuzzy and goes away too quickly for me to see.  I realize I am staring at the ground.  I look up to the window, where of course, the figure is no more.

  Too afraid to see him again, I get up and run to the bathroom where there are no windows.  Before locking the door behind myself I check in the shower and behinf the tub's curtain.  I even check the cabineys beneath the sink and the linen closet.  I lock the door and crawl into the tub letting the cold marble both sooth me and put me on high alert.

  Despite my efforts, the images of Jack invade my head, clogging my view with tears.  Once they are there, I do not try to put them out. Instead, I let myself silently sob, too afraid to make any sound with the person outside the cabin.

   Then, I am not sure how long has passes in my weeping, but I hear the front foor scrape the rug against the floor as it does everytime it opens.  My breathe catches in my throat when i hear this.  It is obviously the only person it could be, considering Jack's ... current condition.  I hear the footsteps in the house are at first loud and clunking.  They sound like jiking boots, but then all of the sudden they stop, maybe ten feet from the bathroom door.

   "ohh Anabell!!"  My eyes widen in horror at my name being called.  The voice is familiar but i can not place it.  The man inside of the house, looking for me, was calling my name as if we were playing hide and seek.

   I hold my breath, trying to calm the speedy thudding of my heart.

   "Anabell, you shouldn't try to hide from me," I heard him say.  His voice seems to be coming from somewhere else but i can't tell.  "Come out, come out wherever you are!" He sing-songs from somwhere else, yet again.

   It seems that it is coming from the kitchen though.  I know there is a way out at the other end of the cabin.  The library has a ceiling to floor window where I can sneak out since it is on the ground floor of the one story cabin.  I get out of the tub, wiping at my eyes.  I crawl over to the door, put my hand on the handle, unlocking it first.  Slowly, I turn it, peeking out into the hall.  I hold my breath doing my best to stay completely quiet.

   I let out a slow breath, wincing at how loud it sounds to me.  I open the door slowly, taking in a deep breath.  I take a step out into the hallway, ready to run to the study.

   Suddenly, floor boards squeak in front of me.  I freeze with fear, my veins turning to ice.  Then, floor boards creak behind me.  As if I am not in my body anymore, I take a step forward, the sound following behind me.

   Letting my instincts take over and tell me what to do, I keep walking forward, cautiously.  I am 90% sure that the man that was calling my name is behind me.  Following me.  He has to be waiting for me to get to the dark corner of the hallway to trap me.  Most of the hallway is slightly lit up by the light still on in the bedroom.  Unfortunately, that light gets darker the further down the hallway I go.  SO, by the end of the hallway, it is almost pitch black.

   I am only steps away from it now.  I take the two steps that would put me right in front of the darkness, it seeming to take minutes.  As soon as my foot comes down in front of the darkness, He steps forward out of it, smiling at me.

   No! No! This can't be real!  It was only a dream!

   I can feel the shock and horror on my face.  It is the same man with the dark brown hair and filthy skin and clothes as if he had been rolling around in dirt.  His clothes are bloody and there is a knife in his hand.  His knuckles are white, gripping it.  His dry lips pull up in the corners of his mouth into a devilish grin...

   just like in the nightmare.

   This is the same man,  It has to be same man from my nightmare.

   "Hello Anabell," he says.

   I gasp in shock and horror.  It is the same man.

   I feel it now.  My nightmare is replaying itself.  Maybe I have a chance to change it.  I know what will cause my... death.  I take a step back, readying myself to change the outcome of this truly living nightmare.

   I will do this.

Reviews

[Que]

Well done, a true thirller. I've never been much into the whole psycho-man kind of horror but your story is gripping. I especially like the true ending, where you give the reader some hope that just maybe Anabell will come out better than she did in her dream. I certainly hope she did, it's not so good when the killer wins.

~Que

PS - Thanks for your review on my "Shreik High," I really appreciate it!

[James Watts]

Not a bad a few typos, but the previous reviewer handled that. It has a nice pace. Just keep working at it. You have something going here.

[Rebecca Rogers]

*His dry lips pull back into a develish grin ans he says, "Hello Anabell."
**Comma goes after "Hello."

*There is no sense of deja vu...
**I believe there are accent marks about the "e" and "a" for "deja."

*"Why are doing this?" She asks him.
**The "S" in "She" should be lowercase.

*You do not love him Anabell!
**Comma after "him."

*You just tihnk you do!
**Typo.

*I took care of that for you," He tells her, smiling at the knife in his hand.
**The "H" in "He" should be lowercase.

*He keeps kissing her hard and mutters "You DO love me!"
**Comma after "mutters."

*Sh hits her head against the wall, hard.
**Typo.

*I do not know what makes her do it, but she pulls back into a slouch against the wall and launches the heel of her foot right into his groind.
**Typo.

*She found her way to a door that led outside and stumbled down the steps.
**The story is set in present tense, correct? I would change "found" to "finds" and "stumbled" to "stumbles." Careful on verb tenses.

*She looks at him standing in the doorway, gripping thw wood...
**Typo.

*"You do love me Anabell!
**Another comma after "me."

*You love me," He tells her as he makes another failed attempt to grab at her.
**The "H" in "He" is lowercase.

*She ahs stopped crying, yet her cheeks are still being streaked with moisture.
**Typo.

*As soon as she has the branch turned bat abover her head,
**Typo

*"It's okay Anabell," His voice is soothing in a highly creepy way.
**Comma after "okay" and a period after "Anabell."

*You do not need to protect yourself from me and I can protect you from everything else," He tells her.
**The "H" in "He" is lowercase.

*Nothin gto worry about.
**Typo.

*Actually," he says as a vilinous grin comes across his face. "I can most likely walk now."
**Since you are continuing the sentence, there should be a comma, not a period, after "face."

*I just can not get used to calling her me when I am witnissing all of this from afar.
**Typo.

*This stick was most deffinately not enough to hold him back.
**Typo.

*BUt it is hurting me more to not have you admit your feelings for me yet.
**Typo.

*SHe opens her mouth as if to say something, but she closes it quickly and slowly shakes her head.
**Typo.

*He grimaces at this and presses the stick into her throat with moe pressure...
**Typo.

*"I... don't love you," She finally chokes out after what seems like a quiet conversation with herself.
**The "S" in "She" is lowercase.

*The biew gets foggier as her supply of air lessens...
**Typo.

*Jack had died in it and my concious minf was still trying to understand that it isn't true.
**Typo.

*It seems like it is amnesia and deja vu at the same time.
**Again with the "deja."

*But his arms and legs had deep cuts as wel as his torso which looked as though it had been stabbed several time.
**Typo.

*The shadow smiles and then in an instant dissapears.
**Typo.

*Before locking the door behind myself I check in the shower and behinf the tub's curtain.
**Typo.

*Then, I am not sure how long has passes in my weeping...
**I think this could be re-worded.

*They sound like jiking boots...
**Typo.

*"ohh Anabell!!"
**The "O" should be capitalized.

*The voice is familiar but i can not place it.
**The "i" should be capitalized and "cannot" is one word.

*He sing-songs from somwhere else, yet again.
**Typo.

*I am 90% sure that the man that was calling my name is behind me.
**I would spell out "90%."

*SO, by the end of the hallway, it is almost pitch black.
**I would cut this line.

*just like in the nightmare.
**Capitalize the "j."

*This is the same man, It has to be same man from my nightmare.
**I would cut the first part before the comma. If you do keep it, I think a period should replace the comma.

*"Hello Anabell," he says.
**Comma after "Hello."


Sorry I'm anal about grammar/punctuation. I'm just trying to help you out. I would let this sit out for a few weeks and then go back and edit it. There are a lot of "i"'s that need to be capitalied as well. It would be a fantastic story if the grammar/punctuation wasn't so distracting.

Also, I'm curious as to how old this killer is and what caused him to kill Jack? I understand he did it "for Anabell" because he "loves" her, but what caused him to go crazy? Was he always like this? Or did he one day just up and decide he would kill Jack? Does this killer have a name?

I think it would also be nice if you could further the story by starting out with Anabell and Jack's relationship; almost a prelude to what was about to happen.

Nice work. The story kept me in suspense.

[Ally Baker]

haha so ya, I guess this is kind of a long storyy. Really, its like the first story that I have been able to finish.