The guys

A Story by Matt Lugg

Three guys sharing a house

The Guys

Horace Stinkman, who was more often known as Bobo, lived alone in a ramshackle house next to the garbage tip. This was quite handy as Bobo worked at the tip. Bobo had no friends and only one hobby, collecting rubbish, his house was full of it.

Bobo’s only companion was his pet rat Myron and it is fair to say that sometimes Bobo felt a bit lonely. One day he decided to rent out the two empty rooms in his house, he thought this might be a way to make friends or even just to feel a little less lonely. The next day after he arrived home from the tip with an armful of rubbish, he placed an advertisement in the local paper about the two rooms and waited.

After a whole week went by no-one had come to look at the rooms, in fact a lot of people had come to the house but when they saw the peeling paint, overgrown grass and broken windows they kept walking. When a man did actually knock at the front door to inquire he took one look at Bobo and more importantly one smell of him and pretended he was lost and needed directions. Two weeks after the advertisement went into the paper the two rooms were still empty and Bobo was sadder than ever. “What am I going to do Myron?” He asked his pet rat, who was watching him sort out old milk cartons, but of course Myron didn’t answer because he was a rat. Little did Bobo know his fortune was about to change.

Across town there lived a man called Bruce Willoughby but everyone called him Windbag. Windbag had a serious problem, he never stopped talking, not while he was walking, not while he was eating, not even when he was sleeping. Most people found Windbag very, very, very annoying. It seemed that almost every week Windbag got sacked from his job for talking too much and recently he’d been kicked out of where he was living, his neighbours said they didn’t want to go home because they could hear him talking through the walls.

Shortly after Windbag left the place where he was living, carrying a bag of clothes and his tape recorder, he liked to record himself talking, he saw Bobo’s ad in the paper and rushed over to the address, talking the whole time. Windbag was not put off by the wrecked house or the smell coming from inside and he rang the doorbell thinking how this would be his next home.

“Well hello there my name is Bruce but everybody calls me Windbag so you might as well call me Windbag I’m here about the room I need a place to live you see, got kicked out of the last place they said I talked too much but that’s another story and….” Windbag managed to say all of this before Bobo had even fully opened the door.

Bobo showed Windbag the room, thinking it was true what Windbag had said about himself, he did talk quite a lot but at least the house wouldn’t be so quiet anymore. “Marvellous marvellous, I’ll take it how much is the rent, and where is the bathroom might need it in the middle of the night and can I move in soon have no place to live you see I’m sure we’ll be great friends you and I…..” Windbag continued to talk long after Bobo had left the room and gone back to sorting out his rubbish.

Bobo was pleased to have a roommate, even if it was a roommate who never stopped talking, there was also an extra bonus, Windbag loved to cook and he made it his duty to cook himself and Bobo a nice meal every night. Bobo was happier than he’d ever been, he usually ate whatever he could find left over at the tip and although he didn’t mind this Windbag’s food was much nicer.

Bobo and Windbag got along very well, Bobo didn’t complain about Windbag talking all the time, Windbag didn’t complain about the smell of Bobo, which was quite bad. Bobo only had a bath at Christmas. However, the third bedroom sat empty for another month until Bobo’s boss asked him about it one day. “Have you still got that room for rent Horace?” The boss stood quite a long way away from Bobo and still felt he smelled worse than the tip itself.

“Why yes, yes I have.” Bobo replied.

“I have a cousin who’s looking for a place to lived, mind you he’s a little strange. His name is McNab and he’s scared of his own shadow.”

“Tell him to come by anytime,” Bobo replied.

A couple of days later the doorbell rang, Bobo went to answer it by there was no-one there, just two large crates. He shut the door but the doorbell rang again. This time when he looked out a small pale face was peering over the top of one of the crates. “Are you McNab?” Bobo asked.

“Arrrhhhh.” Came to reply and Bobo knew that McNab had arrived.

Bobo and Windbag helped McNab move the two crates, which were full of books into his room, while McNab watched from behind a cupboard door. They didn’t see much of McNab for the rest of the day or the next day or the next, in fact they barely saw McNab at all in the first month but they knew he was there. McNab liked to clean up and when Bobo and Windbag were out he cleaned the house from top to bottom. The outside of the house and Bobo’s room stayed as messy as ever but the inside was spic and span.

McNab never complained about Bobo’s smell or Windbag’s constant talking, Bobo and Windbag didn’t mind that McNab spent most of his time in his room reading and shrieked when there was a knock at the door or if the wind blew too hard. The guys lived together for many years and were quite happy with each other.

The End