Natural Law

This is the first draft of this poem. Its an attempt to turn the Natural Law Theory of Ethics into a poem, you can say whether it fails unarguably or modestly succeeds.

Her hands cold, roughened by

the rust on her fingers

Her eyes closed over it, required

a structure and guidance.

which would be absolute

and not take the faith

she lacked. Words embodied

would season her soul, reason

unchanging to rule her relentless

thoughts, her cruel guilt

She valued the breath within herself

and stole it from

another. A pause, a cry.

Why?

She valued her mind, she valued her body

That's what she'd taken from him

Kill, and be killed, earned retribution

She knew Good outweighed the wrong

IF! the act in and of itself is good

and IF! Its unavoidable

Self Defense? Was it defense?

Was the act good? Guilty. Guilty.

A fallout. A fact. An element of

what we are, of the way we tick

what's good for one, all

what's wrong for another, all

Breaking. Robbing. Thieving

away what she inherently held

close. It was wrong.

Author's Note

Does the poem work? If you understand/know natural law theory, does it seem at all relevant?

Any structural criticisms? Etc?

Reviews

[Andrew]

I know only a little about natural law theory and if i'm thinking of the right thing this is incredible. It flows almost perfectly!
One thing that threw me off a little, though was:

Her eyes closed over it, required
a structure and guidance.

The "a" seems out of place to me and it read easier when I took it out and it just went:

Her eyes closed over it, required
structure and guidance.

Amazing way to capture the idea of natural law! Two Thumbs way way up.