Waves

This is the first draft of this poem. I won't describe too much, I want your first impression to be the basis for your review (which I hope to read)!

On the shores of the sea

waves throwing themselves with full fury

against the sharp, hard rocks

falling like a man stabbed in the heart

retreating back unto itself

again it will try, and again it will fail

but its fury never will subside

Slowly, it runs down shores, reshapes the sea

envelopes worlds for an eternity

we are not so different, the sea and I

I've always felt the waves were

an evocation from my soul,

expressing something I'd scarcely remembered

and all at once it rumbles up

and threatens to wash me away

Author's Note

Constructive criticism highly desired! Also, the poem is intended to focus on the waves as a metaphor for something else. What do you think that is and does the poem accomplish that aim? Any other criticisms of structure, etc welcome!

Reviews

[GregoryMax]

Very nice. I feel the waves represent life as it hurls itself on us and reshapes us daily depending on what decisions we make.

[nowardan]

Good poem, would like it more if you allowed for more ferment in the last stanza. Yes it is obvous that your intention is to evoke the feelings of torment and fury. You did!! More work from you will be valuable for future writers. You are definately introspective enough to spark the fires within most of us. Thanks.
Dan