Child, Self, and the monster Part 1

Hmm.. what I think a meeting between my Self, my inner Child, and the monster would be like.

The room was dark when she walked in, I thought that if I let her come around to the idea that this wasn't going to be what she had hoped for, slowly, it would go easier.

Child, "Why is it so dark? You know I don't like the dark. It scares me."

Self, "I know little one, but remember how monsters hide in the dark?"

Child nods, she knows all too well how the monsters hide in the dark. She even knows that they don't have to come from the closet either. Sometimes they can be hiding right down the hall.

Self, "Well, I decided that if we started in the dark, we could drag the monsters to the light, and cut them free. Then they couldn't scare you, or me, any more. What do you think about that?"

Child was already twirling her left foot, from the toe, in a circle. Scuffing up her over worn tennis shoes. She always had those dirty things on.

Self prodded a little more, "Besides, once we've done the dirty work, we can go to the park, or maybe color. What do you think?"

Child, "I don't care. Doesn't matter," she mumbled.

Self knew this reaction all too well. She was just saying it to appease the other person. She knew that Child had a very firm opinion, and knew that Child didn't like it at all. But, like always, Child put herself last. No one else had ever put Child first, so why should Child be any different.

Self, sighs, "Child, I won't make you do it. I am not like the others. I won't hurt you, but this, bringing the monster to light could hurt. But, in a way, that will make things get better. Then you can chase butterflies, play in the flowers, even, you could even make a crown. And be Princess, instead of Child. Will you think about it?"

Now it was Child's turn to sigh, her eyes were heavy. Dark circles were under them, so dark, even a smile couldn't hide them. Self had seen adults with less worry, with less guilt. It wasn't right, and it wasn't fair, and Self was going to help Child be free. She had already decided it.

Child looked at her toes, "Can the monster get me?"

Self snorted, "Never, ever, ever again. This monster is nothing more than a paper dragon (special thanks to Bubo right here folks!), and I bet, once we bring it to the light, it'll be nothing more than a crippled old, ugly thing that nobody cares about."

Child, "You mean, like me?"

Self scoops Child in her arms, "You are someone that lots of people care about."

Child smiles, it's that all too familiar smile that Self knows. It's the smile that says, 'Thank you for saying that, now can we quit living this lie, and go back to what we know is the truth.'

Self looks at Child, and sighs again.

Child looks up at Self and sighs back.

Child, "Are you sure you're up for this? You look like you've had a long day." Child perks up, "I know, I could rub your feet!"

Self shakes her head no, "No, no, no, this is about you my dear. This isn't about me. I am not tired."

Child looks unconvienced. "IF I go with you to face the monster, and bring it to the light, you'll not be so tired?"

Self looked at her own toes. She had told herself that she would not use Child's caring way to get her way. She had told herself that Child was better off doing this completely on her own, and not doing it just because Self wanted her to.

Self sighs again, and puts Child down on the floor of the darkened room, and avoided the question.

"How about if I give you a flashlight, will you go with me then?"

Child smiled, a genuine smile. "I can have a flashlight?"

Self nodded, "If you want, we can put nightlights all the way down the hall."

Child nodded hurriedly. "I would like that very much."

Self, "Will you go with me then?"

Child nodded slowly, and looked back towards the door she had came from.

Child, "Ya know what Self?"

Self, "What Child?"

Child, "It's pretty dark where I stay most of the time."

Self could feel the tears welling, "I know it is honey. But, I promise, we bring the monster to light, and your room will get some light too."

Child, "Do you really think so??"

Self nods, "I know so."

Child pauses, "Okay, I'll go with you and we will bring the monster to light."

Self smiles, and takes Child's hand.

Self, "You know, we will do this together. And you'll feel better when it's done."

Child, "You promise?"

Self, "Promise."

They walk down the darkened hallway, that now has nightlights lining the bottom of it. There is a door at the end. The hinges are duct taped to the frame, Self wonders if the monster has broken loose from it's ropes. It's been awhile since Self has walked down this hall. It's been awhile since Self has even thought about this hall. It's Child, she's been focused on. Trying to heal Child, but Self realized that as long as monster lived in the house, Child would never be healed.

Self bit her lip, and looked down at Child holding her hand.

Self, it was her turn to be wary, "You don't have to do this."

Child, "But, you said it would make my room bright with light. I don't ever get light in my room. Only when you come and see me, you bring the light."

Self nodded, on some level, she knew that. She didn't like it that Child was in the dark, but when she brought Child to the light, the darkness ate it away. They stopped right outside the door.

Self looked at Child, "Want me to hold you while we're in there?"

Child looked perplexed, "How can I help you bring the monster to life when you're holding me?"

Self shook her head, it amazed her at how smart Child could be sometimes.

"You're right," Self said, "lets go and smoke the monster out."