Chapter Two of A Little About Lina

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It still comes back to me.

I’m an older, wiser person now.  I am stable, I am healthy, and I am confident.  I got the lead in the play, I brought up all my grades, I got into all of the colleges I applied to, I have more friends than I ever dreamed of, I get along with my brother, I am active at my church and I volunteer all over the place.

It still comes back to me.

It will be random.  I won’t know it’s coming and then I will be shaking and sobbing and crying out for help.  Or sometimes, some sort of subduing force will come over me like a blanket without corners.  No one will know, but I will be ripping myself apart inside to keep from exploding.

It still comes back to me.

And when it comes back, it comes back relentlessly.  I will simply be at its mercy, a dog with an electric fence willing to do anything to get the collar off.  It never listens, though.  ‘You deserve this,’ it seems to say, ‘it’s your fault this whole thing started in the first place’.

It still comes back to me.

And I will just be cleaning my room or walking around town and some place, some object, will start it all over again.  It haunts me.  The memories quickly shoot through my veins, polluting my whole body until I can feel my scars again.  And nothing will get rid of those scars.  Nothing.

It still comes back to me.

Author's Note

Please read the book note.