CHAPTER 5: Confused and Lying about it

Alicia is not sure about how she feels about Nick and is unsure of how to handle herself.

    How could he have said that?

          I knew he was weird, I just knew it. I know what I am, and special isn’t it. I’m broken. The only I ever feel like anything is normal, is when I’m in school. My friends never make me talk about Johnny, like Alice does. My teachers don’t constantly let me know that “they’re there if I ever need to talk about it” like my parents do at least twice a week. No one at school has ever asked me how it “made me feel.” They are all smart. They know how it made me feel. Like crap. Like some force just decided, “Hey, Alicia’s been happy way too much, it’s time she feel some pain” and then they took him; Johnny, my main source of happy.

          But Nick doesn’t know that, does he? He doesn’t know that the only reason I smile anymore is because of my friends and understanding teachers, and that, with all of the homework I have, I hardly get any time at home to cry. Even when I have time, I don’t, because I know I need to stay strong for Troy too.

          I’m still not even sure if Nick knows anything about Johnny. So I decide that’s what’s next; see if he knows.

 

          I hear my phone vibrate in my purse mid-thought. I reach in and take my iPhone out. 12 new messages. Oh crap.

          I open them and see they’re all from Daniela, Bobby, and Maria. With all that Nick nonsense I hadn’t even noticed I blew almost my entire lunch time! I check the time. I have 8 minutes to stuff some food down my throat and get to class. I don’t even bother reading all of the texts and just send them all one message:

Sorry, something came up. I’ll see u in history , explanation after school J

        I sigh to myself and get up from the floor. I’ve been sitting in the hallway, just around the corner from the cafeteria. I look at my phone, 5 minutes left. I head to the cafeteria. It’s near empty, which never happens. It reminds me I’m in a rush. I run to the counter and a tantalizing PB&J sandwich; I grab a turkey and cheese sandwich on rye bread. I grab a Snapple too, and then I pay and start eating.

 

          I somehow manage to scarf my sandwich and down half of my iced tea before I get to my history class. I sit down just as the bell rings and get an approving look from Mr. Olden, who has never been a stickler on tardiness but seems to like my haste. I smile at him and get out my notebook. I look around; none of my friends are here. I’ve spoken too soon, here they are now. They seem hesitant, it’s obvious they’re late because everyone else is her and the bell must’ve rung when they were rushing over.

          “You three going to take your seats, or do you need a personal invitation sent to your houses first?” Mr. Olden has always been a bit snarky, that’s why he never has a student that doesn’t like him, he’s cool and relatable.

          My friends smile and Daniela speaks for them saying “Sorry we’re late” as they file to their seats, which sprinkle all around me. That’s the only thing about Mr. Olden anyone has ever not liked; he seats us in alphabetical order according to our last names and never changes seats. Daniela is with the H’s, Maria is with G’s, and Bobby’s with the O’s, which happen to be closest to me, with the R’s. Johnny used to always sit in front of me, right in front. By some miracle, there was never a student or even a new kid that had a last name that was between Ramirez and Rivera. Johnny always said that it was a sign, which got me to laugh but also got me thinking.

          Throughout the rest of history I don’t look at any of my friends. I just want to think about lunch. Well I don’t want to per se but I can’t help it! Why had I felt that way? What was wrong with me? I couldn’t stop thinking about whether or not he knew about Johnny and if that’s why he called me special. Why special? What, because I lost my boyfriend of three years? He better have a different reason, or else I really may lose it on him next time I see him…

          The bell rings. I rush to get up and out of class and I realize two things. One, I hadn’t been listening to Mr. Olden at all and I’ll have to copy the notes from someone. Two, Nick isn’t in my history class. I smile to myself in relief. When I step out of the classroom, Maria and Daniela stand at the door, waiting for me.

          “Well there she is!” Daniela says to Maria while she hugs me.

          “Yeah thankfully, I thought you got lost or something. At first the thought made me laugh but then you wouldn’t text us back.” Maria looks truly relieved to see me.

          All I can manage is a weak smile. “I’m sorry guys, but hey at least I have a story for you. Where’s Bobby?”

          “Well,” Daniela says, “he had to go to his locker. We didn’t so we’re going with you to your locker and then to my car and to my house. Sounds good?” She smiles. Her eyes have a hungry look in them, I can tell she wants me to divulge my story right there on the spot but she also love the anticipation.

          “Yeah, that’s great.”

          We head to my locker. When we get there, I look around. Nick is nowhere to be found. I smile to myself.

***

          At Daniela’s house I tell them everything. How I was stupid and just went right to him to talk. Only thing I left out was running off and crying because of his deep blue eyes. The story was just as affective.

          “He said ‘special’?” Bobby says.

          “Yeah.”

          “What the hell?” Daniela spits out. “What is up with that kid? He’s starting to freak me out.”

          “Aw, no! I think it’s cute! I think he has a little crush on you Leesh!” Maria’s smiling so wide I can almost count all of her teeth. She was always the most girly one out of her Daniela and I.

          “No he doesn’t. It’s more like an obsession!” Bobby’s voice cracks when he says ‘obsession,’ “‘People were telling me a lot about you’? Yeah, more like, ‘I kept asking around about you so I could know everything about you’. Leesh, I suggest staying away from him.”

          “I can’t.” It comes out as a whisper.

          Everyone’s eyes widen and stare at me. It’s silent for a little bit before I say, “There was something about him. I think there’s more to what he’s saying. I want to find out about him.”

          “Yeah there’s something about him; he’s cute! And he’s interested in you and you’re scared.” Daniela says this with sincerity and a caring smile on her face.

          Daniela was always the one who knew what I was thinking. She’s also the one that has the guts to say the truth, even it got me to think about Johnny. Even just a few weeks ago, we had been watching a documentary on track and field in the Olympics in our gym class. I went to the bathroom, upset because track always makes me think of -shocker- Johnny. She came to the bathroom only two minutes after I did. She asked me if I was alright and I lied and said I was fine. Then she hugged me and said,

          “Alicia, it’s OK to cry.”

          And it hit me. If I didn’t do it now, when would I? So, I just started crying, right there in the bathroom with Daniela hugging me.

          I smile at the memory and realize I should say something to her now.

          “I am scared. But I don’t care. All I want to know is why he was so curious and I’ll be done with Nick Kross.

          They all nod at me, accepting my answer. I can tell they don’t believe me, which upsets me for only a minute because then I realize; I don’t even believe myself.  

 

Reviews

[Who Cares]

I figued I would only comment on one chapter rather than leave a review for each so here is goes. I like the story line you have so far, You build each character nicely and your descriptive wordage is quite nice. I persoanlly cannot wait to read more keep me updated.

[RaspberryBullets]

Beautifully written. I love it! Review for review? :) great job, really well done! X

[Tasha]

Wow, this is really interesting. Keep going.