CHAPTER 4: Special? Ha, yeah right.

Alicia talks to Nick a little bit... but things get weird for her.

   Even though he has official been listed as a creep in my mind, I decide to find out about Nick.

During Mr. Luna’s usual talk about symbolism in literature, I plan my attack. I’m not sure if I should go talk right to him or ask around. But if he’s a new kid, and it’s his first day, no one will know a lot about him. Except…

          The teachers! Of course!

          When the bell rings for lunch, I go straight to Mr. Luna’s desk and ask about Mr. Nick Kross.

          “All I know is that Nick is from Florida and he moved here last Saturday. I talked to him this morning before school started, in the Guidance office with Ms. Dew. He’s not very shy and he’s a smart kid. He has great taste in the arts, which he said he loves. That’s really all I can tell you. Why the interest?” Mr. Luna raises his eyebrows at me, as if to say, “You got something you wanna tell me?”

          “Just curious. He sort of rubbed me the wrong way you know? It just got me wondering about him.”

          “Okay, if you say so. You should get to lunch, time is ticking.” He says this with a smile, and I leave. I rush to my locker and wonder if what Mr. Luna told me would help in any way. Not really, they’re just some Nick fun facts. What I really care about is why he acted like that towards me.

          At my locker, I look up to find Nick’s locker is only a mere six lockers from mine. Of course it is.

          Luckily he doesn’t see me staring and just walks along to the parking lot exit; where I am going too. Before I can stop myself, I start speed walking, then jogging to Nick, calling his name a couple of times. He turns around and stops walking.

          What have I done?

          He looks down at me as I get closer to him. I guess I didn’t notice his height before. He’s probably about six inches taller than me, which would make him six-feet.

          “Yeah?”

          I don’t know what to say. I stand there for what feels like a good hour before I say, “Hi.”

          Wow. Don’t I have a way with words?

          And then, he smiles at me, just like before. He has almost perfectly straight teeth; a slight cross of two bottom teeth is the only slight imperfection. When I see his smile, I look down at my shoes. I can’t bear to look him in the eyes.

          “Hello. Can I help you?” He’s still smiling, which infuriates me. I ball my hands into fists. It’s like he can’t take me seriously. He doesn’t even know me!

          The anger brings me back to life and reminds me what I want to accomplish. I look him in the eyes and say, “Why were you staring at me in class?” When the words leave my mouth I feel stupid. His smile is gone and there’s some type of stressed look in his eyes, which I know notice are a deep blue. They remind me of the deep green eyes Johnny had… My eyes start to tear up.

          “I’m sorry,” Now Nick looks nervous, his smile vanished, “Are you OK?”

          “Yeah.” I wipe my eyes but tears start to come down harder. I turn around and run to the girls’ bathroom, feeling like a complete idiot.

***

          This happens way too much to me.

          I see, or hear, or watch, or even eat something that reminds me of Johnny, and I lose myself. I start bawling (like right now) or I just get depressed. And now, this? Ugh. I can’t believe Nick got me to cry. He didn’t even say anything. And his eyes aren’t even green like Johnny’s. They were just a deep color.

          I guess I’ve always loved “fun” colored eyes. Blue, green, hazel, gray, whatever. In the summer before I started eighth grade, I had a boyfriend with two different colored eyes, one hazel green eye and one light green eye. It was so cool. We were at a summer camp for 12-16 year-olds. His name was Mark and he was actually my first kiss. I remember, he lived in California and had flown to Pennsylvania just for the camp. He was so sweet, but I never saw him again after that. We reconnected online when I was a freshman but that was it.

          There’s a knock at the door, and I snap out of my flashback. I realize I stopped crying. Then there are a few more knocks, followed by some banging. Then I hear the door open.

          I figure it’s some chick going through some PMS so I get out of the stall I’ve locked myself in. Maybe she needs help or something. But wait, why would she knock on the door? It wasn’t locked or anything…

          My question is answered as I step out of the stall. I see Nick, standing unsure of himself, the way he had when we were in photography class and Ms. Crossman was introducing him to everyone.

          “Look, I’m sorry. I wasn’t sure if maybe I had said something wrong or-“ He sighs, interrupting himself.  “Why were you crying?”

          “I’m sorry.” I mumble, “It wasn’t your fault.”

          “OK,” He looks relieved, “Good.” He smiles that smile of his again and I feel butterflies in my stomach. I wrap my arms around myself, shooing the damn butterflies away. Why was I feeling like this? I am supposed to find out why that creep was staring at me during our classes!

          “You never answered my question Nick.” I start again, back with anger written on my face and sprinkled in my words.

          “Huh?” He’s still smiling but he looks confused.

          I set it straight for him, “Why were you staring at me in our classes? Do you realize how creepy that is? What’s wrong with you anyway? What are you, some kind of stalker? Rapist? Both?”

          By now, I’m completely pissed. I’m mad that he was staring at me. I’m mad that he had smirked at me. I’m mad he came to the bathroom. I’m mad he has those blue eyes. And I’m damn pissed that I still have butterflies in my stomach.

          “Not at all.” I he laughs a little and realizes that I am not at all amused and he gets serious.

          “I’m really sorry. I just- you’re just-“ He sighs again. “Look, I’m new here, so people have been telling me all sorts of things about a whole bunch of people. The thing is, I heard a lot about you just within my first ten minutes of being at this school.”

          What is he trying to say? Does he know about Johnny already then?

          He smiles again, “I heard from a lot of people that you were sweet and funny and talented. I also heard that you were intimidating and that you were manic depressive. I was just really curious about you. So in photography, I asked this kid next to me if he knew you and he pointed you out to me.

          “I guess I knew I was staring but, I didn’t stop. I’m sorry that I scared you. Really, I am. I just had to make my own opinion on you. So many people told me about you. I had to find out what made you so… special.”

          “I’m not special.” I say, and I move past Nick and walk out of the bathroom. As I get further and further from the door, I turn to check behind me.

          He isn’t following me. Good.