How's it going to be?

just rambling blindly...

     How is it now that I am gone? May I finally rest my head on the pillow and drift in to oblivion? Will I be able to slip without a care? No... I will carry you for all eternity  staining my flesh... etched upon my heart, scarred upon my soul. You still hold them hostage. I think I know it now... I will never be free of you. You hate me... I love you. I am damned. I chose to forgive and move forward. To believe I know you. To believe I know your heart and your soul. I dreamed I had drank deeply of both and you were real. You dripped from my lips and ran down my chin and I was lost. I embrace that as the tears drip to the floor. Will there ever be a time when I don't know you as I know my own skin? When your ghosts are unfamiliar and my demons don't deliver the hell, of you? No. Maybe when you tell me I am dead and commit my song to hate. Maybe when you loose your grip on the heart and soul you've held so long. But probably not even then. I will simply fall to dust in the shadows where my demons play and your ghosts keep them warm.

     Will I ever be a stranger to you? That actually brings a smile... A sarcastic smirk, but a smile nonetheless. You know me. Always have. You know me better than any... The soul you know cannot be lost in someone else's fiction. I am me no matter the web they spin. The truth is in the heart and soul you hold. You can choose to forget... or you can choose to remember... but you know the blood in these veins and the force you wrought in me. The love. How's it going to be? All I can do is wait. Perhaps someday you'll know... But I dare not risk hope.