Do You Hear?

My ramblings...

    To say I miss you so much it hurts, doesn't even scratch the surface of the pain burning with each tear. A rip in my face with each one trailing it's flames down my cheek. I huddle in a corner and shake and hug my arms around a shadow...

     I miss the way you rocked just so... You're head cocked just slightly to the left. Your sweat always dripping to the right corner of my mouth. I miss the way you shove your feet under my left thigh and wiggle your toes while you watch television. Pretending to be oblivious of my stare. Or were you pretending? 

     I miss the voice that heard me begin, "Will you love me in December..." and always cut me off with, "Just as I did in May.", and a kiss so ravenous and deep I feel my stomach aflight with a thousand swallows. Butterflies shy here. Here there be beasts. The awe that you knew... that you felt what I meant. I never had to tell.

     How I babbled the idiot, mouth pouring forth, a flood as I knelt at your altar. My mind screaming 'I Love You!" with every whisper against your skin... I miss you leaving me trembling and warm... I miss you leaving me unable to stand for the sway of the room.

     I miss laying naked and searching for answers in your eyes. The patterns and shadows flickering on your face... The thousand miracles there that I can trace... 

     I miss your hands on my head... trying to smooth the wrinkle in my forehead away. Trying to lure the demons from my shadows and pretty little boxes in their attic stash. I miss you understanding the animal and straining to be closer. 

     Sobs shudder as I become Jacob, in the wells that are you. Deep and cold. Yet the only thing that refreshes my soul.

     I am so tired... I am so f*****g tired... I miss... I miss so much I cannot put it all in words and words seem only to diminish what I truly ache for. Every smile and every frown... Every laugh and every tear... Do these old demons haunt only me? I will give you anything... I gave you everything. I still sing to you... Do you hear? 

Author's Note

Yeah.. it is what it is... a therapeutic rambling... I just write what comes. You all tell me. Have at it.

Reviews

[Scott Metro]

Gee....I think I know here...LOL
Touching...longing.....very nice....
Your torment is delicious...I've been there a time or two...I understand.
I hate all those feelings...is there no way to stop the yin and yang ?
Well done Lucifer....well done.
Scott

[Lucifer Jones]

I am honored. Thank you so much.

[Muse]

I miss the way you shove your feet under my left thigh and wiggle your toes while you watch television. Pretending to be oblivious of my stare. Or were you pretending?

I loved that part. I got a glimpse of your fragile state of mind.

So touching "I felt for you"

[Lucifer Jones]

It's been a while... but I'm still execrising the demons that don't play well with others in the sand box. If it made you feel... I am pleased. Thank you so much.

[Muse]

Most demons don't play well. They try to trip you...

"keep you down"

Oh hell...I know all about these demons. I have grown so familiar with them, I have given them all names:

Jade "as in Jaded"

Lucy Loo "as in feeling blue"

Smitty "as in feeling the self pitty"

[Lucifer Jones]

I see we keep the same company from time to time... My friends call me Luci hahaha... The sandbox has it's permanent residents. I don't let the others stay long. And we grow from the scars they give us. I pull up a chair at your bookshelves often... No one keeps us too down. Just enough to be more the beautiful for it.

[Muse]

I think scars are beautiful. I guess that's why I prefer to stay in the shadows.

[Lucifer Jones]

Scars are beautiful... The best day I ever had in the studio was the day I met her boyfriend sitting on my couch. I spent a 20 hour day in the shadows... The shadows are beautiful too. It gives us a broader view of beauty... We appreciate the light more from there.

[Muse]

A punch to my soul! No wonder you are burdened by such melancholy. She doesn't know the mistake that was made. It just means she wasn't your soul mate. Fate intervened that day....you may not see the greener side of things yet. Be patient my friend....be patient.

[Lucifer Jones]

Thank you... I see the light... I just watch from a safe distance hahaha