Desperate For Impact

Many say my very best piece although most feel sick to their stomach after listening.

Richard has lost his whole world. Now he is detreemed to have an impact,

but at what price

 

Reviews

[K. N. Wise]

I listened to this and the moral proved a good point, however the writing itself I believe needed a bit of work. There were some repetitions and other things couldve have been edited out. The emotion and motivation of the character couldve been more defined but over all this piece is very creative and showed a great amount of insight and wisdom.

[Lindsay]

This was very good! I love the technique, including the illustration, audio, etc. Absolutely original.

[Chemistry]

I pondered why a man that had just lost his wife and unborn child would want to make an impact on the world when the only impact he had made just died. To me the story allow me to drift in and out of the story line as would the main character. Lost in his pain and suffering to the only place this type of thinking would lead him. That is to the implosion of the Sun and his life. In taking the journey to the dark recesses of his mind it permitted him the clear vision at the end that his brother had been dead years ago and the only impact he could make was not to implode but live. This realization in my mind must have been the true ending to this story!

[Violet]

Wow....this is so awesome! You must of put a lot of time and work into this!

[Hopelessly Confused]

Amazing, simply amazing. Tons of wisdom. You have a great sense of writing.

[Maria]

I love this story has alot of widsom

[Camille Corbett]

Simply brilliant.........so interesting!

[xXx]

wow .. this held my attention .. i had this same conversation this morning with a friend concerning my life and wanting to contribute something important and big in this world .. loved the surprise that Reily was not there-that was awesome .. loved the wisdom and that you were able to demonstrate it in the end as a whole about 1 person not being able to make an impact after Richard and Reily talking about it .. also love the spoken word and -- the graphics add so much more to the whole experience .. want to hear more of your work!!

[Katrina Mckeown]

Like this brilliantly told story..I liked the ending in particular when he found out his brother had been dead for 15yrs! Great Job!

[Suha]

Hi!

Please keep in mind though that I'm not a professional writer nor do I gaurantee a fair critique. I'll just describe how I reacted to it.

First of all, I loved the beginning when you described a situation that everyone goes through, thus grabbing us in to the story. I think readers love relating to situations. Loved the description of the beginning as well. Precise yet flowy.

I had chills when I knew Riley was actually dead! I loved that part! I love the visual aids, though I found it hard to concentrate without text in front of me. (Found myself lost at times because of that) So maybe you can add the text to the visual aids. Also at times I felt myself zooming out, I felt like your pitch was on the same level throughout. I think you need to be more expressive when narrating to grab me in.

Nonetheless I love how you intertwined a lot of concepts together throught events and ideas, like death and finding a purpose and science.

Note:
You say the word impact too often. Not good.
Since it's not short, i find the text necessary to keep me focused. And readers often won't read twice if they don't get grabbed in from the first time.
I was lost a couple of times, but regardless found myself enjoying it all in all.

Trying to be objective. Just my reactions. Nonetheless I really think you have something there! Love your style of writing and your concepts. I think you're talented. Best of luck!