old trialer for IN THE BLOOD

So I am getting ready to make a new IN THE BLOOD Trailer. Check out the old one and tell me what you think I should improve?

Author's Note

THanks

Reviews

[Marie Anzalone]

Hey, Lucien, I actually disagree with the ones who said use a deeper voice- because I think your voice is perfect for it. I agree with changing the clarity of the wording that is flashed. I also think the pictures could use a little clarity- it was hard tot ell what I was looking at, and they seemed a little out of synch with the voice over. I am curious why you chose to change POV in the middle? I wonder if sticking to either first or third person would stengthen this? The music conveys a sense of action, a thriller. Is this your intent? if so, it's brilliant. If you want to convey mystery, fade it into the fast-paced music from something perhaps more Twilight Zone'ish at the beginning.

Overall, I like your image and what you are doing with this. This is not a genre I deal with much, but you have a better grasp on what makes a great story than most who write in this field. I think that what you doing here is very cutting edge, and you will have a limitless market. Your talent and skill show forth very well. Great work!

[George Love]

I like the voice. The dialogue could improve and the timbre of the voice cold be less relaxed. The text was sketchy, hard to make out and could be cut back to a few lines in the opening and a few in teh final fade to black.

[Shayde Carttr]

I would suggest deleting the font - I think ultimately it would look better if the protoganist narrarrates. The imagery is not very bright; I found I had a tough time figuring out what I was staring at. I definitely enjoyed the music segment - similar to a fast-paced thriller.

[NxSoulja]

gud werk Lucien n idk if it was jus me but da music reminded me of Mortal Kombat

[Helena]

Superb Lucien! I loved the concept and the voice was just fine, don't change it!
I agree what some of the others said about the red writing on the black background
though.

I certainly want to see how your idea turns out, the trailer certainly whetted
my appetite for more (parden the pun, I'm not a vampire!)

Thank you for requesting me to review this.....I give it excellent marks my friend!

Helena

[Lucy Joan]

Hm..is this for your book? because if it is.. and even though i probably haven't read it.. you should put more, and clearer pictures; where you could use real people to represent the characters :D the overall trailer was pretty good though; the wording, if it must be red, should be a different font..like--pristina, nyala, or chiller..if you're going with that horror look. And i can see that you tried to make it a dark, mysterious theme too; instead of putting in inaudible scenes of buildings or nature..you should put more action..in dark places, instead of making it actually too dark to see. As for the voice, it was abit lifeless..i mean, according to the trailer, i got an impression that it would be an action and obviously vampire "movie"....so the background music should be more like rock or metal..while the voice should speak with more clarity and purpose ^^

[serendipity- Lady Poet]

nice..!

but if you could just change the text color and make it look clearly..
so we can read it easily..
good job so far..:)

[Em North]

maybe use a bit deeper voice and change the font a bit. like the colour and size maybe? also it talks about vampires maybe it should show more of a visual on that?

[Flow~]

Lucien, I normally don't critique but instead tell what I like or what I got from a read. However your doing something different here so these are my thoughts:

Your flash work is good and I love the over all concept of this video project to promote a book, nice touch.
As other said the font and color is hard to read. I would suggest this if you wish to keep that deep read, simply change the font to something smoother and make it bigger. This will clear it up and still give the blood look you want. I also feel using a deeper voice will give it that creepy feeling so the creepy font wont be needed. Notice on most Movies the fonts are large and clear like Tahoma for instance.

I think maybe some flash pics of vampires would add to the theme, all the pictures are of buildings, beaches and sunsets I think. I feel a Vamp would be nice or anything Vamp like since the book is about that.

Good Work

[Suki]

ok well... just like everyone else said, the writing should be a different color becasue its a little too hard to read. maybe make the voice a bit deeper if youre really going for that creepy effect, it would help. other than that its seems cool. is this for a movie or something?