The Star

She was a childhood star, and that is all that people saw. until he came along.

Author's Note

Please review!

Reviews

[Hannah Monttkomepy]

Well, like always, I liked your story. I think it's a normal thing for me now, to like stuff you write. I did take notes while I was listening to it though so here they are.


-I think you should make the background music blend more. It just seems like it's there and then it's gone. Maybe you could fade it out or something.

-I loved how you said that her status as a superstar helped her avoid a stronger punishment and her agent, lawyer, and mother said she did nothing wrong cause that's exactly the way everything happens.

-I think from the court scene to the story about her life never being normal, there should be some sorta phrase or something that connects the two. To me it just seems like you're going from one idea to another with no connection. Or you could just make the pause longer. Maybe that would work...

-I love the whole everyone thought I was living a fairytale but really it was a nightmare.

-I became bored while listening to this. Nothing really caught my attention and make me wanna hear more. A way I'd make it more interesting is to sorta have an all-knowing narrator, and include the character's thoughts.

-I really need emotion in writing. Your's had it in words but not in your voice. The emotion needs to be in your voice since you are recording it. Emotion flys off the words in written stories and poetry, so now the emotion needs to fly off your voice.

-Another thing, there really isn't a climax. A climax would make the story sooooo much more interesting.

-And finally. I loved the ending, Just loved it.


I hope this helps =D Overall, very nice job.

[Kathryn]

Really enjoyed the story. Great beginning, middle, and end. You did a very good job of developing the characters and keeping the plot interesting. Overall, very well done.

I will have to agree though that I would much rather have read it myself. Your voice got really tiring after a while, no offense. I think that you have a good "story-telling" voice, but that it would be better if you "acted" the parts/voices of your characters. I know it's not easy to sound like a girl though, so again another plus to having it on paper. My suggestion would be to put up the text and the audio and let people choose which avenue they wish to get the story from. All just food-for-thought.

I'm pretty sure I heard a grammar error in the diner scene: "Had ate" instead of "had eaten"- can't really tell without having the text in front of me.

[deeps]

I like it, at least what I could hear, I would've like to read it myself.
I can get a much better pciture that way. I like though don't get me wrong.
Wonderful.

[Lauren Marie]

I liked this story as well, but it was so long!
I think long stories would be better if they were written out, instead of on audio, because at one point I was glancing at the time, wondering when it would end.
If the words were written out, each reader could read at his own pace, and perhaps read faster and keep interest through the whole story.
But other than that, this was a great write.
~Lauren