Once Upon A Time

its 2am give me a break :P

Lets talk of once upon a times

I talk you try to decipher my ryhmes

Once upon a time during a midnight dreary

Here she lay sorrow filled and weary

Once upon a time she was glad

Here she lay broken and sad

Once upon a time she was whole

Here she lay like a lump of coal

Once upon a time she was real

Here she lay with notihng to feel

Once upon time she had love

Here she lay like a useless glove

Once upon a time..

Once upon a time....

There was no pain

Once upon a time...

Once upon a time.....

There was no shame

Once upon a time......

Once upon a time.........

There was no tears

Once upon a time

Once upon a time

There was no fears

But now here she lay cut up and torn

Here she lay cut up and scorned

Here she lay lifeless and still

Here she lay with nothing left to feel...

Once upon a time...

 

Author's Note

So to me I like it.. but thats just me.. lol :P

Reviews

[Naomi Montana Walsh]

I like it too, not a little Mary Sunshine .. poem ..yet still ..I always tend to be able to read a poem and get even when there are grammer mistakes my mind..just self corrects..I do like it.. and think it is written well. it is about the poem to me not the grammer.. and the poem works it is clever and I like the once upon a time theme.

[Addi]

Well done with this. I don't normally like poetry, but this was a great concept and it was actually very touching. And thank you so much for reviewing my work, I have just posted the next chapter if you're interested :) Great job!

[onceafaerietale]

This is really great, I love the flow, idea and story

[Rebecca Rogers]

I like that you mention "once upon a time." Automatically, everyone associates those words with a happy ending and you leave us with someone who's hurt and torn.

Nice work.

[The Elder]

I agree with Fallen_immortal about the grammar, but I like the work overall.
It is an emotional piece about lost past and unhappy present, I like it.

Good job

[Fallen_Immortal]

I love the concept, but I couldn't get past some of the poor grammar, such as "there was no tears" when it should grammatically be "were no tears". That's just me though, and I'm sure it sounds better in your mind when it is "was". I just have a thing for grammar.

Great poem, other than that slight catch.

[Emily B]

it's very good

chilling and complete