I love you

A Story by Luca DeClouds

what would you do if it was the last day you could spend with the one you love the most

It was evident he was delighted to be here. It probably was because I never invited him on my own. It was always just him dragging me out places, doing things, enjoying life. It was all him; never me. So now he looked as a child on the day of his birthday party when his so sought out pony was brought into the room. He was ecstatic. Joyfully holding my hand, chatting away without a care in the world. Smiling like a dork �" it was so cute, I smiled unintentionally. It was so rare to see him like this. Like I just gave him something precious, something he had never been given before.

I let him ramble on on his day at work, on how one of his colleagues keeps on snapping at stupid things, on how he saw the cutest dog ever while coming to meet me. He proceeded to pull out his phone and show me the picture-more like ten of them of the same dog walking away with its owner. I gingerly took the phone-an old model I bought for him for his eighteenth birthday-and tried to delete majority of them while was protesting behind me and trying to take the phone back. It was amusing watching him struggle for picture of a dog which did not belong to him. I wasn’t so cruel as to delete them all, I just left the one I deemed to be the best. He pouted cutely at me and I ruffled his hair.

I diverted the conversation back to him and his daily adventures and he seemed to forget about my misdoings. I realize I’m not being fair to him, but I can’t be any different. I never was one to indulge in my feelings or thoughts. I was always selfish and unfair in regards to those I considered close. I never admitted I cared about anyone, never said the words people around me wanted to hear from me. I tried to show my affection through my actions, but those also, for the bigger part, fail or wouldn’t get across as I intended.

He grasped my hand and dragged me along the walking path through one of the better parks in our town. He wanted to show me a ‘special spot’ as he called it. He told me he wanted me to see it for a long time now, but I never seemed to have time for him at all. I felt a stab at my heart and swallowed hard. I still couldn’t put my finger on the reason why he still wanted to be with me. I never did anything to make him happy, I just made him sad all the time. Except today �" his smiles were bigger than ever and he seemed to have forgotten about deleted puppy pictures. He clung to my arm more than he would ever before and it made me realize what an idiot I was. This whole time I had the world in my grasp and only now I came to know of it.

He came to a halt abruptly and I nearly crashed into his small petite back. He turned to smile at me with all of his being �" those deep dark eyes that seemed to hold all the good things in them, the small, chapped rosy lips that at this exact moment seemed sweeter than any kind of honey, and those pale bony cheeks that seemed to regain their life at this moment as he stared at me with tears glimmering at the corners of his eyes. He looked so beautiful.

He showed me a large crystal clear lake in the middle of a small clearing at the edge of the park. The water glistered with serenity and peace. The sun rays reflecting off the surface illuminated the boy before me and I felt for the first time I could voice the feeling in my heart. He lead us to a rusty old bench and tugged me down to sit. When I obliged, he proceeded to sit in my lap and snuggle close to me. He pointed at some trees saying he had seen squirrels there before; or at the side of the lake where he could swear he’d seen swans with little chicks swimming. He then explained how swans are dangerous during the hatching season. During the explanation in which he put so much detail and enthusiasm my phone went off. He stopped abruptly and looked at me with disappointment leaking out his large eyes.

He removed himself from my lap so I could answer the call. He padded to the edge of the water and ducked to dip his fingers in the refreshing coldness. I pulled out the ringing item and denied the call, proceeding to turn it off completely. For the first time I knew what was more important to me at that moment. He was more important than anything in this world. So I declined the call, shut the phone off and put it back into my pocket. He was still absentmindedly playing with water when I pulled him tight into my embrace. To say the least, he was surprised. He asked if the call was this short, I just shook my head ant pulled him closer.

His breath caught in his lungs and his heartbeats became slow and irregular. I knew then his time has come. He clutched my shirt tightly as if holding on will stop this from happening. His tears flowed freely and he sobbed to my chest.

“I don’t want this-”

“It’s alright.”

“I-” he sniffled and held tighter. I held on more so. “I love you,” he uttered softly and held out his last breath.

I clenched my jaw and held in the scream. Tears pricked at my eyes and I squeezed his listless body closer to my heart. I was a fool to only realize it now. And I regret not telling you this sooner. I would have loved to have seen your face as I said

“I love you.”