Seattle

Seattle

 

News of Erik’s prognosis spread throughout friends and family in the Northwest states. One of Micah’s brothers had to go off by themselves for a while.  Albert was having a hard time talking about it, which Micah found very hard.  We were all worried about Barbara.  She sounded cheerful on the phone, but news like this was not what she needed while recovering from heart surgery.  Micah did find comfort when one of his uncles in California called and talked with him.  Ron, Micah’s uncle, had lost his twelve-year-old son to a brain tumor located between the two hemispheres of the brain.  When Ron called and told Micah he understood, there was an instant connection and Micah had someone he felt he could talk to.

My family was not so open with their emotions as the Reams family.  It was harder to gauge how everyone was taking the news.  My dad called everyone in Idaho to get everyone to pray.  I knew they all hurt just as much as Micah’s family, they just showed it differently.

One of my aunts from Idaho sent word for me to start writing everything down and keep a journal throughout this time.  She said it would be a story that needed to be told, no matter what the outcome was.  To be honest, I wrote a little but most of my time was spent reading the Bible and finding scriptures to help lift my spirits.  I was not sold on the idea of a book.  I was not the type to put myself out there for the world to see.  Especially to share something so personal and heart breaking did not match my personality.  It was my hope, instead, that Erik would come out of this healed.  That would make for a better story.

 

In Anderson, the news of Erik hit our little community hard.  Many of our friends could not believe what was happening.  Some even voiced their feelings about a God who could be so cruel as to allow this in such a wonderful child.  Many poured their support and love in any way they could think of to help our family out.  Albert and Barbara said they had more people come up to them since they returned home then they had seen in the three years they lived there.  Our community found a common ground, compassion for a sick child. 

We received phone calls from some of the teachers at the school.  The principal called to say my job would be waiting for when I got back.  We were also told to not to worry about the schoolwork for the children they could catch up when we returned, but I still wanted to be sure.  The teacher’s sent a few things we could work on and I bought a few things too.  According to the hospital we would not be done with Erik’s treatment until the end of September, which would mean Erik and Natasha would miss a month of school

Our first priority was to make sure our family was together.  We needed Natasha with us.  Our church organization made arrangements to fly Natasha with an adult down to us in Seattle within the week.  This would be Natasha’s first time flying, and she would be doing it without me.  Even worse, no one from Micah’s family could accompany her, so she would be traveling with someone we did not know.

Barbara called us when they dropped Natasha off at the airport.  She told us that Natasha was very brave.  After being introduced to the lady who would travel with her Natasha took her hand, the other clinging to her teddy bear, and walked through the security line.  Albert and Barbara watched until they could not see Natasha anymore.

Waiting at the Seattle airport was nerve racking.  I was more nervous and anxious about Natasha flying alone than I was about our own flight earlier that week.  We stayed in the baggage claim area at the bottom of the escalators, where new arrivals were coming down to get their luggage.  I kept watching all the people to see if I could spot Natasha, as Micah walked around the baggage claim to make sure we did not miss her.

“There, Momma!”  Erik piped up, pointing to the escalators.

By the time I turned to see Natasha coming down the escalators in her purple jumper, with bear in hand, Micah and Erik were already making a beeline for her.  She saw us coming and waved, but kept hold of the lady’s hand until they reached to bottom.  Then without a word, Natasha threw herself into Micah’s arms and started to cry.  We all huddled around her and hugged her.  After a few minutes, we thanked her escort, who was heading back up the stairs to board the plane.  We quickly found Natasha’s luggage and headed to our temporary home.

 

It just so happened that the week Natasha arrived was a Vacation Bible School at the church my uncle and his family attended.  My Aunt Michelle took Erik and Jessica, which thrilled Erik.  When they came back one afternoon, Michelle asked if we knew a couple named Herald and Susanne Wilen.  I did not recognize the name, but Micah immediately knew the names.  They had attended one of the churches Albert had pastored in Washington.  Apparently, Susan had recognized Erik’s last name at VBS and when she looked at him she mentioned he looked familiar.  Michelle invited them over for dinner that night.  We had a great visit; Micah caught the Wilens up to date with news of his parents.

We started to go to church with my uncle and his family on Sundays.  It helped to make everything feel as if we were home, which Sundays would be spent at church.  Erik and Natasha enjoyed going to Sunday school and the Children’s Church.  Micah and I enjoyed being in the worship services. 

 

Erik had some preliminary testing to go through before starting the radiation treatments.  Micah and I never heard him complain once throughout all of it.  His radiation treatments were scheduled for the late mornings, Monday thru Friday.  Then there were the weekly blood test and check-ups at Children’s Hospital every Wednesday afternoon. 

The hospital’s counselor would touch base with us to see how we were doing.  She had given us a care package that was given to all families with information about children’s cancers.  The counselor would also keep us informed of all the support groups available and other programs, like Make-a-Wish, we could access.

Our initial visit to the University of Washington Hospital was much like our first visit to Children’s Hospital.  We met with the doctor who would oversee Erik’s treatment, Dr. Douglas, and his team of nurses and doctors that would assist him.  There was a tour of the Oncology department, where we were shown the machine that would administer the radiation.  Erik thought it looked like something out of Star Wars.  Natasha, who hung onto me, did not find it so amusing.  She did not like the thought of Erik being hit with huge laser beams.   Erik kept grinning thinking the whole thing looked cool.

We were taken back to the waiting room, while Erik was taken in to have a mold made of his head.  It was explained that in order to ensure the radiation hit the same location each time, Erik would be clamped down to the table in a mess mask they’d make of his head.  This way Erik could not move his head around and he would be given something to hold onto to make sure he does not move.  Everything was to make Erik as comfortable as possible as the radiation was administered.

After that first visit, we had to make an appointment for a CT scan.  The hospital needed to map out the exact location of the tumor to be able to line up the radiation beams.  This time we left Natasha with my aunt, since we weren’t for sure how long it would take.  It turned out to take us a while.  Erik had to have an IV put in, but he was dehydrated and a vein could not be found.  After three different technicians tried, the IV was finally put in and Erik was taken back to the room for the scan.  Micah and I had to wait for him to be done.  Micah naturally paced in the room as I sat and read a magazine.  This time, Erik was not as cheerful as normal and was looking worn out by the time everything was done.  Yet he still came out to us with a smile on his face and said it wasn’t bad at all.

The following Monday morning, July 29^th, 2002, we set out for the University of Washington Hospital for Erik’s first radiation treatment.  It was scheduled for 9:00 a.m. so we were up a little early, since the whole family was going for just today.  It was hard to tell what I was feeling that day.  We had hope that this would help take care of things, but most of all we had hope that God would heal Erik.  I do know we were all feeling pretty anxious that morning.  Other than the typical argument on who would get to push the button to the elevator, we tried to keep things calm and relaxed.

Once we stepped off the elevator and headed into the cancer treatment center I had an overwhelming feeling of anxiety.  I took a deep breath as we walked up to the counter to check in, Micah glanced at me and gave me an understanding look.  We found a place to sit in the crowded waiting room and waited for Erik’s turn. 

As we sat there I couldn’t help but look around at all the other people.  Most of them were adults.  Some were in wheelchairs, but most of them you would never guess had cancer.  A few wore hats to cover their heads, which we would need for Erik.  Apparently, the radiation treatments would make Erik’s ears sensitive to the sun.  We were told that Erik would not loose all his hair, but he would have slight hair loss around his ears where the radiation beam would be hitting.

There was another family walking in with their little boy of about three.  They had the same hopeful look on their faces that I figured we had.  I couldn’t help but feel sorrow though as I watched the father carry the boy in his arms to go look at the fish in the various fish tanks.  The boy was wearing a fishing hat to cover his baldhead and his face was full of excitement.  Reality seemed to hit as I watched the father and son.  I never dreamed I would be in this part of a hospital.  It hurt deeply. I started to replay conversations with the doctors in my head.

Is there hope, God?  I never pictured myself in this situation.  It was always something I guess I took for granite that my children were healthy and safe.  Stay with us, Father.  Be with Erik most of all.  Put your protective arm around him and keep him safe.

I tried to focus on a magazine as we sat there.  Micah and Erik were talking about the fish in the tank behind us.  Natasha wiggled and squirmed around, but eventually found the fish entertaining.  I watched as Erik and Natasha began to talk about the different fish, some reminding Natasha of her favorite Disney movie.  I smiled as they pointed our their favorite fish, both of their blue eyes lit up as the fish swam around.

Yes, Father, there is always be hope with you.  Thank-you, Lord, for keeping our family together during this time.  It helps us to build as many memories as we can.

“Erik.”

We all looked up at once.  Gathering our things we followed the nurse back to the room.  Another nurse came in and took Erik’s vitals just before the doctor stepped in to talk with us.  After getting the run down of what to watch for with Erik once the treatments began, we were all taken to the room and observed as Erik was placed on the table.  He lay perfectly still as his mess mask was placed over his face and buckled in.  Natasha held tightly onto my hand.  Micah cracked a few jokes as the nurses worked to make sure Erik was comfortable.  Once everything was ready we had to leave the room.  I looked back to glimpse at Erik as the door shut behind us.  Looking down at Natasha, whose eyes were huge with concern, I smiled trying to reassure both of us.  I squeezed her hand as we went back to the waiting room.

Five minutes later, Erik came walking out to us.  We gathered our things and left for the day.  As we headed for lunch we asked Erik questions about the lasers and everything.  Erik gave short answers, much like his father and grandfather, but seemed fine with the experience.  After that first day, we never really talked about his time during the treatments.  Erik would never bring it up, so we never pried.

We began to settle into our routine for our stay.  Micah would drive Erik to his treatments every morning, while I would stay with Natasha and do some school work.  On Thursdays, Dr. Douglas would meet with them after the treatment to see how things were going.  Sometimes I would go along to meet with Dr. Douglas, but we decided to leave Natasha with my aunt.  The whole experience was starting to get overwhelming to her.  Usually Micah and Erik would show up with lunch for all of us, or we would go out to eat and drive around.  There was a park close by that we would go eat at, so the children could play.

 

We had Natasha’s sixth birthday during our stay in Washington.  My parents and sister came up for the weekend to help celebrate it with us.  Albert and Barbara had mailed us the party decorations I had already bought, and we bought her a cake.  My mom and sister helped decorate for the party, since Micah and I had an appointment with Social Security to apply for disability on Erik.  On our way home we picked up the cake.  It was a small party, but Natasha had a great time spending it with her cousins. 

The following day, my sister and her husband had to head home to work.  Their two oldest, Hannah and Jedidiah stayed the rest of the week with my parents so they could spend more time with Erik and Natasha.  We decided to take the children to the Seattle Center after Erik finished his treatment for the day.  It was a nice distraction from all the doctors and hospitals.  At the end of the week, my parents left to head back to Idaho.  Micah and I then decided that we should treat ourselves to some fun while we were there, instead of the same old routine of hospital, school, and home watching television or playing in the backyard.

Over the next couple of weeks we would end up going the a county fair with my uncle and his family, take a day trip to Whidbey Island and Deception Pass, and even visit downtown Seattle and Pike’s Market Place.  A couple of times Micah and I were able to get away and just have an outing for the two of us.  It was a good time for all of us, and a great stress release.

There were also several friends and family who would stop in to visit us if they happened to be in the Seattle area.  Through it all Erik ran around like any other seven-year-old boy.  He showed no signs of getting tired or loss of appetite like the doctors were expecting.  Which made us all the more hopeful that God would perform for us our miracle and take the tumor away. 

When we weren’t off doing something fun, or having company over, we spent most of our evenings watching television, a movie, or playing video games.  One evening, as we sat looking for something to watch, Micah stopped on a local television show.  There was a debate going on between an atheist and an evangelical Christian about the existence of God.  Micah was interested in what would be said so he paused there for a few minutes.  As we sat there listening to the atheist’s point of view, Erik started to get irritable.

“Dad, he should be careful what he says about God.”

“Yes, Son, he should”

More talking took place as we continued to watch.  All of the suddenly Erik stood up straight and stared angrily at the television.

“I don’t have to sit here and listen to that man speak of my God in such a way!” Erik shouted at the television and then stormed out of the room.

Micah and I sat there in stunned silence.  We looked at each other, shocked at the conviction in our son’s heart.  We were also a little proud of Erik at the same time.  Then the guilt set in, and Micah picked up the remote and switched the channel to a less ‘offensive’ program.

 

As the treatments continued, Micah and Erik enjoyed their drive to the hospital and back with one another.  One day, as they were heading to the hospital, Erik was deep in thought.

“Dad?” Erik finally spoke up.

“Yes, Son, what is it?”

“When I grow up I want to be a Marine,” he confessed.

Pride filled Micah, being a patriot himself.  At the same time, Micah held back the sorrow because of the knowledge behind these hospital visits.

“I think that would be a great thing to do,” he told Erik.  Micah went on to explain all the hard work it would take to become a Marine.

Erik nodded, “I know, Dad,” then paused for a minute, “Dad?”

“Yes, Erik?”

“Dad… I don’t want to die,” Erik said.

“I don’t want you to die either,” Micah replied, fighting to choke back the tears and stay focused on the traffic. At this point we still had not said anything to Erik or Natasha about what the doctors had told us.

“But Dad, if I die for my country, then that is a good thing.”

“Yes, Erik, it is a good thing.”

They continued onto the hospital in silence.  Erik quietly contemplating the future and Micah praying his son would live to see his dream come true.  Pride continued to build in Micah as he thought of Erik’s statement.  He had to share it with as many people as he could.

 

Author's Note

This last part is not word for word as to what was said. Micah tells it a lot better, but I tried to retell it the best I could.