Nice projection of dreams and desire, but in my personal opinion (which I don't think is all wise and great just one artist to another) I think you should add some metaphors and exaggeration to add more of a poetic touch to it, add some symbolism to get rid of the blunt statements. I love the expression but dig a little deeper and express it a bit more suspenseful. Just one artist to another. Good write.
very nice piece. it definitely captures all of your desires. I like that you ended the poem with love. Although all of your dreams and passions are extremely important and i hope you can fulfill them, love is one of the most fulfilling emotions.
Nice projection of dreams and desire, but in my personal opinion (which I don't think is all wise and great just one artist to another) I think you should add some metaphors and exaggeration to add more of a poetic touch to it, add some symbolism to get rid of the blunt statements. I love the expression but dig a little deeper and express it a bit more suspenseful. Just one artist to another. Good write.
The flow is really nice in this piece; I think it gives it as a whole a quality of many different aspects of true happiness and desire.
I found it interesting how you used "African plains" as well because well, why African plains? Maybe the expanse, the originality of the land, its purity, possibility.
Well, this is a true wish of most of us here. We have to work toward it always, though. :)
Well, we all have our wants, now what are we ging to do about it. I was always told if you want something bad enough you'll go out and find it, earn it, and make it your own. Sometimes we discover what we want isn't really what we wanted after all. Life's funny that way. Love...well, that's an animal of a different color. It's tricky, and changes always. In love one has to choose carefully. I chose unwisely and paid for my mistake. Good write and GOOD LUCK.
Desire is the path to despair, my friend. Want to much, and you will only be left with disappointment. Never allow anything to make you happy. Extra things and people can make you happier, gleeful, stoked, etc. But when all else is gone, be happy with you first.
Still a nice poem.
'Captain
Hey! I really like this poem. On short lines you carry clear images of places and activities. It's really cool the way you alternate between the location and the action, such as 'run--across meadows' and 'climb--where the air is lean'. The phrases are so clear and easy to follow. There's nothing wrong with simple, easy-to-understand statements. It works for me.
Nice flow of thoughts and desires in the poem. We need what you wanted and love is the thing that make us want life and create hope. I enjoyed the flow of thoughts and the very good ending. Thank you for the excellent poem.
Coyote
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