Even In Death

This is a fictional memoir I had 2 write 4 Honors Literature, it is dystopian future but it draws many parallels 2 my life. Reviews R welcome, but keep in mind that the final draft is due Sept. 4th.

I liked to wear my hair down, it was the way my friend Rhine liked it too. She couldn’t tell me, I just knew. It was the way she played with it and twirled it in her tiny hairless claws, and the way her long tail clung to it when she played on my shoulders. At one point I would have hidden my love for the rats that ran among the cold and damp prisons and the sweltering fires that brought heat to our kitchens and baths, but those days are over. My family, the royalty, the clerks, the knights, they no longer own me, I only own myself.

 

I am the only child of King Hearte, a quite unfitting name for the cold and completely mad man I have the great displeasure of calling my father. I’d claim to be adopted, but the royal bloodline has always had the unmistakable trait of ridiculously discolored hair; which we have, as everything else here, forgotten the origins of. Mine looks almost normal when I pull it back (which it is rare I do), but when it is let down the blonde waves give way to green and blue and teal towards my shoulders. It is completely sickening, it is unnatural. Especially my fathers’, his whole head looks like it’s on fire.

 

This entire kingdom is unnatural, the great walls no one has ever departed from nor breached, the great gap in our history that has always gone unexplained, and the haunting moans and hisses that faithfully return every night to plague us in our dreams whilst were are locked in our rooms under a strict curfew. Everything that once held us together is lost, there is no food for the people of my kingdom, there is no proper shelter. Everything is falling apart.

 

My best friends’ name was Lucas, he was a peasant boy. When I was fourteen my father had beaten me in one of his psychotic rages, and I ran out into the cold and rainy night, despite the protests of the guards. That is where I met him, he was starving, he was thin, and he was going through my scraps, our trash bins were his meals. I brought him down into the basement of the castle, and as the King’s daughter, I ordered a midnight snack shamelessly blaming it on my womanly cravings. Of course, when you live in a castle, the word “snack” has an entirely different meaning than it does in the rest of the kingdom. This snack consisted of pudding, potatoes, and some soup. As shaky and weak as he was, it would have aroused great suspicion to have requested anything larger, especially since about the only thing of great nutritional value here is meat, meat freezers lined up by the hundreds, all filled with frozen and bloody carcasses from the few animals we are blessed with in this city. As everyone in the castle has been told repeatedly exactly what I think of their eating habits, requesting it come even within my eyesight would cause quite a disturbance. However, he had not spoken at all throughout this whole ordeal until I finally asked his name,

“I apologize for disrupting your silence, but do I have the honor of knowing the name of the boy I found rummaging around on royal property? It is a jail sentence you know.” He was silent for quite a while, and I began to question whether I had really spoken aloud or not. Finally, he said,

“My apologies you’re Highness, my name is Lucas. You certainly can’t be as irritated as you seem. Surely if you were to take the laws into consideration so strictly you would have not led me willingly into the castle without consent of the King.” And that’s what I loved about him, it was always mind games after that, long hours of sarcasm and sneaking out under the moonlight, breaking the rules that I was supposed to be upholding. I would bring him food and he would create dyes to change the hair I was so self-conscious of. We had a plan, he and I. We had a plan to escape this decaying hell that was my kingdom. It never became anything.

 

Before I was sixteen, his father discovered he had been seeing me, the princess, and the heart of the enemy that had thrown him to poverty. He was drunk, and he drowned him. He beat him in a way no man should ever be beaten, and he took my only friend in the world, the only person I had grown to love, and he tied him to a cement block and threw him off the bridge and into the river below. Falling prey to the threats of the killer, I did as he told me and did not report him. As much as it made the bile rise in my throat to let this wretched man go, he threatened to turn me in to my father. I knew I would be beaten within an inch of my life, which is what I deserved, for when Lucas’ body washed up in the drains, I kept my silence.

 

He was the reason that kept me alive, diverted from my racing thoughts and violent mind. These days are not the first I have only wished for death, or freedom from the prison cell inside my mind. I walk the edges of this cold and dying town in disguise every night, and listen to the howls of whatever waits outside, beings, outside of our own. I will get to them, if only for Lucas’ sake. He wanted to know, and he was killed. In his memoriam I shall yet escape these walls that I find were not designed to protect me but to keep me caged. Caged I shall be no longer.

 

They were fighting again, my mother and he. His rages grew worse and worse. He began to chatter on making no sense, today the rant was,

“There are leeches crawling around my bedroom that are left unattended, and you’re worrying about the people. Always worried about the people you are Elaine. What have the people ever done for us except whine about how horrible the royal family is.” Then the cursing began, words I did not even know were curses, and probably weren’t. I heard a crash in the living room, more violence. I tried to shut my mind off, a sick and twisted attempt at trying to go to sleep while my mom screamed, nurses rushing to her aid, but fearful of getting in the way.

 

She died the next morning

 

I should have seen it coming, I had felt the sting of his violence as well, and had my share of broken bones and torn skin. The doctors said she was strangled, and my father announced officially that she had killed herself. No one could question him. Was it not he that kept the walls high that kept the demons of the outside world at bay, was it not he that kept them alive all of these years? I wished so dearly to let these poor people of this poor kingdom out of this prison…

 

I was sitting with Rhine in my lap when my first plan of action hit me. It was the dampness of her fur that triggered it I suppose. I was on a long train of thought, wondering if she, meaning Rhine, could ever crawl through the metal squares of the drain that led to the outside world. I imagined her running through lush green meadows, and climbing tall trees to reach their fruit. And in the back of my mind was a fleeting thought that almost seemed invisible, but soon graduated to that of an idea. Of course it would be logical for a citizen to try to exit through the gates, or try to scale the walls (there are many interesting topics on this method, but that is for a later date), but the drain, where the dead rodents (and sometimes people) pile up. Where the river is at its deepest, and naught but rust metal bars stand between us and the outside. This was madness at its finest; I supposed I had truly cracked at this point.

I sat and gazed out into the world that evening, waiting impatiently for the sun to set and for the curfew bell to be sounded. There was no way I would ever make it that far down the river without being seen in the daylight. I wore my own clothes now, for my mother was no longer present to insist that I wear dresses and whatnot. So I wore my gothic boots and torn stockings on my legs, perfect for swimming, and running if I must. I had always been obsessed with the Victorian era in my studies, their clothing, their principles; and I saw that there were many parallels and not so many differences between now and then. Rhine and her sister Prim joined me out on my limb and we waited in the sunset for our captors to signal their maximum security. It gave me time to think, about Lucas, how I hoped with a sliver of insanity that if I ever did escape to the other side he would be there waiting for me, no more walls, no more rules. It was of course impossible, but I learned not to ponder on such things a long time ago. I was learning at the same rate I was forgetting. Learn to obey, forget yourself; Learn to let be, forget to fight; Learn the inevitability of death, forget how to live. The old bronze bell sounded, warning us of the cold and merciless wrath that would await us should we dare to step out our doors, even as the King’s daughter, this ruled applied to me. Technically, just by sitting on this branch I was breaking the law, and was at risk for being caught for a jailable offense. I would not forget how to rebel.

 

I crept along the grass outside my window, once I was off the royal property, the grass and weeds would grow wild, and I would have more cover. It was absolutely thrilling, walking the city at night. I had only done it once before, with Lucas, the night before he died. We had been trying to map out the pattern of the security guards at night, oblivious to the ones known as “runners” that stalked the streets in complete silence and dark. We never saw them coming. But I knew now, I did not know why these guards existed, or what they were protecting, but I knew that if I were even a bit careless, I would be dead. I crept along the side of the main road, keeping my distance of at lease thirty feet at all times. I did not know exactly what the habits were of the Runners, but my instinct told me it would be wise to stay off the road. Every second I followed the main road was nerve wracking. There was not a sound. If anyone came within twenty feet of me, I swear they could have heard my breathing, if not my heartbeat. I finally reached the part of the road where the crumbled concrete road ended and split off into three dirt roads. One heading straight, towards the back “entrance” in the wall, and two others, leading to the very poorest parts of the city, and to the river. The few people who lived here, meaning the ones that weren’t jailed, dare not to break the rules, for surely they had no way of paying the fines, and the Kingdom jail was definitely no upgrade for them, to say the least. At last I heard the splashing of the river in the distance. I searched through the weeds and the cattails for the bed of the river. I could hear it very clearly now. Suddenly my boot clad feet sank deep in mud, and the river snaked out before me as I crashed into the water. I was much closer to the border than I had realized, and I hoped to fate and whatever else ruled my life that the wall guards had not heard me or else mistaken me for a small animal.

 

It is here I will explain how we attain our food; only the highest of the Knights and the Nobles go out at sunrise, when the world outside the walls is quiet and hunt. They and only they are the ones allowed outside the castle walls, and then, the only persons to receive the majestic gift of this mass murder are the royal family and the families of the Nobles. The poor, meaning the rest of the city, are forced to grow their own food from plants native here, or from seeds on the black market, which gives me hope, someone must be getting out. A rabbit or a squirrel is an endangered species within these walls, once these poor and underprivileged people who have no choice but to be called our citizens catch a wiff of that, it would be killed and sold on the black market. We, or should I say my father, does not allow citizens to kill their own food. They eat what we deliver them, which is very little, and grow the rest, half of which also ends up on the plates of the royal family.

 

To say it bluntly, anything moving after dark was a cause to create more than suspicion, and now I was at the mercy of pure luck. I stayed low in the river, there was no moonlight to blow my cover. Surely if there had been, the guards would have seen a rather suspicious looking shape smack in the middle of its reflection. The walls loomed above me as I drew nearer to my destination. The river was very deep here, and my feet could hardly touch the bottom. Suddenly my hand touched the cold and rusty metal of the drain. I was merely stunned at first, I could not believe I was here. There was that one voice in the back of my head that told me I had gone too far, that I had better go back right now missy or I would be dead. But the devil inside me had control now, and my hand pushed on the weak metal, searching for any signs of it giving way. Nothing. I pressed every section of every square, until I reached underwater to get the lower squares and I felt something give. It seemed to originate from very far down. My survival instincts must have been overrun by my frantic need to break down the bars; I sucked in air and dove down deep, searching for that one weakness in the drain that was my light to freedom. At last I felt it move, it was the pole that stuck deep into the clay and sand, holding the entire drain in place. Another push and the very bottom broke off, just enough for me to fit my hand through. I could not stop. I tore and the metal and the rust and the dirt, ignoring my body’s screams for oxygen. Another segment broken off, I needed air. My vision was going black, but my hands still reached for more foundation to tear apart. Finally I gave in and burst through the water into the air gulping it in, savoring it. Then I realized something was wrong, there was a blinding light, a tingling sensation throughout my body. Had I made it to the other side without knowing it? Was I… dead? Rough hands gripped me and the light was removed from my eyes. A gas lamp was set onto the ground as I was dragged out of the water. I felt my spirit die, I went limp. So much I had lost by being careless… I had lost my only chance, I was caught by the hands of the enemy. I struggled, but I was being hit, I was being pushed. The water crashed upon the drains, calling to me. The splashes from my struggles made faces among the rocks, they looked as if they were crying. Tears of now bloodied water streaming their faces as they mourned the loss of my freedom. Everything went black.

 

            I awoke, alone, in the middle of the street. No doubt the officials were soon to come, along with my father. I laid there, hoping that some distracted horse and carriage would come through and mistake me for dirt in the morning sun. A very unlikely happening, but it was all I had left to cling to. My life was over, I would either be imprisoned in the castle or in the prison, both of which seemed equally repulsive. I did not have the strength of the desire to get up now or ever again. Even breathing caused me great pain. I opened my eyes to a blurry grey sky. I moved my fingers slowly, they were still clenched together from a punch I had not been conscious enough to deliver. It was then I saw a crude, thin band had been slapped onto my wrist, made out of some flexible, light wood. I recognized it from somewhere, deep in the back of my mind. I recognized some sort of sloppy handwriting on it. I struggled to sit upright, and studied the ugly little bracelet. I could vaguely make out the word “Identified”. Identified, as in… an identified body. A dead body. So this was why I felt so broken. I had beaten literally within an inch of my life, to the point where even the officials had assumed me to be dead. But wait… if the officials had proclaimed me dead, there very well may not be anyone coming for me any time soon. I forced myself to my feet, and took in all of my blurry surroundings. My mind seemed to be shutting down, there were colors dancing before my eyes that I had never seen before, I had to close my eyes and concentrate on my objective. Get outside of the walls, get to the drain. I located the shadow across the sky that was the wall, I ran towards it, or rather, limped towards it. Get outside of the walls, get to the drain. I stumbled, and crawled back to my feet and kept going. Get outside of the walls, get to the drain. I felt the sting of the cold river water on my cuts and bruises, I could see the drain. Get outside the walls, to the drain…I clung to the metal bars and prepared to go under. Get outside walls, to the drain…I held my breath and plunged down to where the weak metal was. Get outside the walls… the drain…I kicked and pushed at it, tearing it apart piece by piece. The opening never seemed to get any bigger. Get outside… walls…drain…I gulped a breath of air, my whole body pounding and my eyes threatening to go black. I dove down one more time. Get outside…walls…Another piece gone, this one a decent size, just one more like this and I would be free. Get outside…I tore desperately at another chunk of metal, the one that one give me my freedom. Get out… Finally, it gave. I squeezed my bruised body through the hole I had worked so hard to make. The rust sank into my skin as I pushed off onto the other side. I fought to the surface and, finally, took my first breath of the free air.

 

            I gasped in clean oxygen. My body seemed to not realize it was free, and pushed itself further and further downstream. I could not stop to look around, not yet, I would not be caught now, not when I was already here. The officials could be breaking through the drainage system at this very moment. I climbed out of the river onto the muddy bank, and I found a small space within the low trees and bushes just large enough to hide myself in. Anyone coming would not see the broken and wet girl running away from home, they would only see what went on for miles: rocks, water, and leaves. I was panting from exhaustion; my legs shook even as I was lying down. I pulled myself further up the bank near the base of a tree. I lay my head down on the stabbing vines and crinkling leaves, and I fell into a deep sleep.

 

When I opened my eyes it appeared to be early evening, and the sun was beginning to sink in the sky. It was then I realized I knew almost nothing about this strange place outside the world I had been born into, I knew nothing of what made the noises outside the walls after sunset; I needed to find food, and most importantly, shelter. I groaned as I tried to stand up, and I startled something in the brush beside me. A large, horned animal with brown fur pranced out of the shrubbery, it was so graceful and so mysterious to me. I looked all around me, there were no forests in my city, but I had heard about them in my brief studies of the environment. It was astounding, the vast amount of trees that went on as far as you could see, each of them bearing different leaves, different shapes, and different colors. A glint of silver caught my eye in the light, and I saw what looked like a house up in a tree. Alarms went off in my mind, suppose that whatever was on the ground at night forced the people before us to live in the trees? Slowly I walked over to this tree house, and I saw that there was a ladder that led up to the door, and the knob which had caught my eye originally. The ladder was made of ropes, like it was made to be pulled up once its creators were safe in the tree house. Painfully I climbed the rope ladder, and turned the dusty knob to open the door. The inside of the tree house was actually rather quaint. As if its owners had just gone out for a stroll and would be back within the hour. But my gut feeling was that these people had gone and were not coming back, that no one who lived in this wilderness survived whatever tragedy wiped them out originally. Upon closer inspection, I found dust and cobwebs covering every corner of the little tree house. In the far corner, there was a shelf of books. Real, uncut books from the outside world. The binding on the books were creaky and old. I pulled out one book with the words “Journal” on it. Upon opening, I flipped to a random page and read what appeared to be the words of this house’s previous owner:

 

            “The Resurrections are becoming more common, so many people are infected. I fear for my wife, and my unborn child. They come out in the night, and search for more innocent and frightened people to infect. Since our flight from the city, I have acquired a new job as the keeper of the river. I must burn the dead that wash upon the banks, and decapitate the ones that have Resurrected. They burn in the sunlight; it scorches their skin, which no longer has blood flowing through it…”

           

The rest was illegible, it was ripped and the ink was smeared; I did not understand what was going on. Or rather, I had a hunch, but I was not willing to accept it yet. Frantically, I flipped to a new page:

 

“NIMH has become the foundation of our country, the new subspecies of human has become a great success in their eyes. But NIMH does not see what the eyes of the river keeper see. While they may be immune to the disease they are slowly decaying inside, they are dying of madness. Every day when I go out to burn the dead in the rivers there are more; their Unnatural hair changing the color of the water. The Relocation has started, we are to be split into tribes, each with one of these Unnaturals as our leaders. We are all going to die.

 

I jerked up from my reading as I heard a low gurgling sound. It was not far away. During my reading it had become very dark outside, and there were no walls to protect me here. My mind was spinning too much to concentrate, I could not comprehend everything I had just read, I was running out of time. I heard scrapes on the sides of the house; they were climbing the ladder. I was so stupid… I should have stayed in the castle, where I was safe. There was no escape outside of the walls, there was only more death. They were pressing in against the door, soon they would be inside, and I would have no place else to hide. I could not fight them, this was my fate now. I lay down and spread my arms out, I embraced death as it came crashing through the door and devoured me whole.

Reviews

[Rhianne Ney]

this is a great piece.. and interesting that the main character had special characteristics I loved the way you write it Asyllum... You're really great 'thumbs-up'