Prelude

Prelude :) Shadow's POV

Shadow

Prelude

 

            He saw the last light go out in his eyes. The raiders burst into the room as his friend pushed him into the time capsule, whirring with the sound of it powering up.

            “Go Shadow, Earth is the safest place for you now, you have been a great friend to me...”

            Shadow pressed up against the glass, reluctantly he said a silent farewell to his newfound friend as the capsule blasted out of its cove, leaving the city forever. He looked back once momentarily, as the last remains of his home colony Seria went up in flames. He soon fell into a restless sleep, for hours he remained like that until the impact of his landing startled him out of his sleep. As he awoke, he felt the welcoming warmth of the Earth on his skin for the first time.

Author's Note

Tell me about any grammar problems etc., we are trying to make a final draft :)

Reviews

[CLUTZ]

Okay so I'm gonna start off with what I think can be fixed and then end with what I think is good as is: 1) your first sentence is a bit awkward, try something like "He saw the light go out of his eyes" it's a little simpler, less wordy, and says the exact same thing, 2) for the second sentence you just need to take out the extra word "the", also "onto a time capsule" could be changed to "into the time capsule" (to me, and this is my opinion) it just sounds better. But all in all I really liked your start. It's simple, not too long, and it gets the point across. I like that it's short. Most books that I've read have really long beginnings and sometimes it gets to be too much. Your beginnign makes me want to read more.

[Asylum Dormouse]

Thank you for taking the time to review my writing :D I changed all the things you recommended, I do agree with them. They probably were left as they were during the rewriting progress (this is the second edition of the book) and then didn't fit afterwards. Or perhaps I just missed them during the editing, you know how sometimes you simply DON'T SEE the mistakes in your own writing? :P Thank you for pointing them out to me :) and thank you for the compliments!

[CLUTZ]

No problem, I've been trying to give more detailed reviews lately. & I definitely understand not seeing mistakes. Sometimes I go back and read things I wrote a long time ago or just chapters that I never looked over and want to slap myself for all the mistakes I've made.