(Self) Loathe

The symptoms of extreme self-loathing.

It feels you're suffocating. - Everyday you wake up, with more weight on your chest than you did the day before. Every joint, muscle, every movement, even the slightest twitch feels like it takes everything out of you. Everyday feels the same, even when the sun is shining bright. Your vision is gloomy and gray. As the self loathe grows, so does your loathing for everything else. You start to loathe your friends, people you love, even the people you walk by everyday. Every mistake, even the simplest mishap adds to the guilt of you, being yourself. Love turns into a abstract concept, that seems unattainable and unrealistic. While the weight increases, and vision becomes even darker shades of gray. You regret everything. Regret comes at everything you say, every decision made. The regret turns into grief, feelings of abandonment and thoughts of taking one's own life is the only solution. Looking in the mirror becomes the most repulsive sight you can possibly behold. Self loathe, is a hurricane on the inside that rages on with no end in sight. It causes billions of dollars in damage. The task to repair and rebuild is impossible. Self loathe destroys until there is nothing left to destroy. There is no such thing as love, hope, light or happiness. It is all darkness, loneliness and sadness. Self loathe has no way out, all exits are bricked and cemented over. However there always seems to be a hammer in the dark room. A hammer of choice, a hammer of salvation. A hammer that's useless, a hammer too heavy. This is self loathe and there is no way out, or is there?