Drenched

I was stabbed and beaten

Without a single hand drawn

The words cut through me

As easy as slicing soft butter

 

Never seeing the world without tears

I was scared and felt alone

hearing only screaming and sobs

Would all teh hurt and pain ever stop replaying

 

I could never remember a day

When I smiled, laughed, or cared

Constently crying for the return

For it to be the same that it was when I was a little girl

 

Alone, crying and helpless

Could I ever be saved

I was in a black tunnel

Full Of mischief and hate

 

My world was torn and shattered

Each piece broken one at a time

By evil and ignorence

Still I continued to scream and fight

 

There was no use fighting againest the pain

Becuase it was never going to go away

The hole would always stay in my heart

No matter how many fought to save me

 

Though there were so many

It felt always cold and alone

Whould He turn to look back

Even if I was drenched in my own tears

Reviews

[Dawn]

Well, I'm glad your happy, and I hope my review makes you even happier, because I LOVE your poem!
It's very sad, true, which gives it even more of a meaning...if you like these type of poems, then I'm sure you'll like to read my poems- Loss or Shadow!
This is a great write!
Keep up the good work, Kayla!!
-Dawn

[K-Monay]

Gosh, bedtime.

I'll finish tomorow.

Great so far :)

[Justin Tobey]

What an sad poem! I know that it often feels like things will never get better, but I'm sure there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Poetically, my only suggestion is to take some of the I's out of stanza 2. It feels a little bit repetitious, and they're not all necessary. For example:

Never seeing the world without tears,
I was scare and felt alone.
All I could hear was screaming;
I would replay all the hurt and pain.

Also, hurt and pain are synonyms, so you could take one out if you wanted, but it's not necessary. The poem still flows very well, and the emotions are felt through every syllable. Great write!

[Wesley D. Stein]

Wow, this is superbly depressing. Good job really painting a picture of emotion. Its rare to see words emote. Cheers!