My Empyrean

Of the wretched and the broken, I stand here;
Along with all the smoke, mirrors and games.
Eyes upward, gazing with many other celestial seers,
Waiting for something that will bring about a change.
Yet, the stars stay still with little shine.
Their flicker dimmed by the darkness that was so near.
Quintessential element of the others, it stands brightest.
Over the dimmed only one has the power.
Out of reach of the highest order, making up the universe.
Apollo and Artemis stand lowly to its grace.
It burned about the heavens,
And brought about the world.
It breaths and is immortal, creating with it dreams.
The shining lifeless living thing coming closer.
And here I am of the wretched, watching things come alive.
The one that's fallen, spirals down, bringing with it destination.
My eyes stay round as I follow it now, breathless and forsaken.
Leading me through the depths of my nightmares,
Pass the fleeting dreams and blinding me from seeing;
Heat pulsing against flesh but still I carry on.
Wishing, hoping for a place where I feel that I belong.
After weary travel, the sun, it slowly rises;
Apollo's tears transform the earth into a brightened sphere.
And of the mass I stand in front, fingers searching for what fell.
With my castle in the air about to crumble; I find what I've been looking for.
In my hands lay gently something burning;
My sight returns to be greeted by a fallen star.
Raising the gaze I stare at a road, a subtle note attached to rock.
"You have found your empyrean."
And a luminescence overtook.

Author's Note

I had this on another website and no one would give correct feedback- I know this needs work, I just need help with where to start. Please point out troubled areas of this piece! Give as much criticism as needed too, please!(:

Reviews

[Angelic Surrender]

I like it :) good work

[Distant horizons]

Well, ive read this three times now and came to the conclusion that it doesnt need anything done to it. it flows well, very descriptive and makes sense the way it is. But i know what you mean. sometimes the writer knows there is something needing change. cant see what it is though, sorry i think its great the way it is :)