Spiral

Because I'm too pale,
because my skin is blotchy,
because my bones are too massive,
because my weight exceeds a two digit number,
because I can't handle anything,
because I'm weak,
because I lash out,
because I make distance,
because I'm afraid,
because I can't find a reason,
because I get mad when I wake up in the morning,
because I can't fix my insomnia,
because I can't be around a bottle of sleeping pills,
because I've overdosed too many times,
because I can't drink anymore,
because I'll try to drink myself to death,
because I have no control,
because I'm ugly on the inside, and ugly on the out,
because I can't fix this,
because I refuse to drag people down with me,
because I know I wont' be able to go on much longer,
because I'm desperate to get out,
because I've already sin too much to continue on,
because there's no hope for me,
because I'm a monster,
because I want to be loved,
because I hate an empty bed,
because I hate the dark slit in the closet door,
because I hate having no one to turn to and say-
"I'm about to go over the ledge."
because I can't do that to someone,
because I'd much rather hurt them when I'm gone.
So I keep silent.

Author's Note

Except now.