Pointless

I know this is pointless seeing as you'd probably just delete this anyways. But I just, I guess I need to get stuff out. I'm sorry first of all. 4 years later and I still feel horrible for what happened with us. It wasn't right of me, no matter the circumstances. I was a dumb little kid still. I do know the feelings were real though, even if they might not have been for you they were for me. I still have a lot of the same problems I had with you, but I have someone now who can handle me better when I hit those moments. And its a constant challenge. When I get bad though, I think back to us and remind myself I don't want to screw up a good thing like I did with you. I will forever regret that. I have 2 little boys now. Slade and Kraven. And they are just the most wonderful little boys in the world and the best that could ever have happened to me. They're almost a year now. Wow how time flies. They're the spitting image of their daddy though. Well Kraven for sure is, Slade looks a little bit more like me. Who'd have guessed I'd have twins? Haha. I still think about you a lot. Don't get me wrong. I absolutely love the my husband. He deals with a lot from me. And I wouldn't trade him for the world. But sometimes he reminds me of you. Little things he'll do or say. I wish we could still be friends at least. That'll probably never happen though. I still get this silly idea of flying out there, maybe even with the boys and seeing you and us actually talking and becoming friends and you'd be back in my life. Stupid I know. And I don't know why I'd want it other than I just miss you. For all I know you could be 100% different from the Ryan I knew 4 years ago. I hope not though. You were a good person. A better person than I was or could even hoped to have been back then. Well where ever you are and whatever you're doing, I hope you're happy. 

- Love you

Megan