Day 1 of the 90 day novel I was writing before google lost this plus 50 other documents that are jus

Day 1 of the 90 day novel I was writing before google lost this plus 50 other documents that are just gone.
June 6, 2014 at 12:03pm
I’m afraid to write this story because it will reflect myself and my true talent that may not be that great. I’m afraid because I may spread my warped thinking and make other people bipolar that try to follow me. I’m afraid I will dishonor my parents and my ancestors. I’m afraid it won’t be any good and a waste of time. I’m afraid of success exposing me as a nit wit. I’m afraid it will be stolen and recreated better than I can. I’m afraid of plagiarising unintentionally. I’m afraid of relapsing into mania and depression writing dialogue. I’m afraid of not having anything to look forward to when I’m done. I’m afraid of giving power to my enemies to harm myself and my people.

One thing i feel strongly about is spreading joy, love, truth, and forgiveness… I’m willing to live and die for these endeavors. I only wish that my death will not be in vain or that my work will not be worth exposing myself to my murderous enemies that serve fear, anger, violence, and shame. I want to be a conduit for change in a positive way.

The delima at the heart of my story is how do we spread love without self destructing in a world that only loves money? The love of money loves no one and is evil while unconditional love is greater love or God. Free will allows many evils that are generated by our fear, anger, and shame in disservice of greater love. With infinite forgiveness why should we care if we are being compensated to serve evil as we justify it as means to a brighter end? Even if we are pius all of our deeds are like filthy rags to Yaway.

My story is about the struggle between light and darkness, love and fear.
I want to express through this story that we are part of a collective consciousness that is self destructive right now. We are killing ourselves and our planet with wrong thought and action.

If I were to describe my hero he/she would be an average person with extraordinary love, truth, and forgiveness. A reflection of greater love, universal truth, and irrational forgiveness.

The more I think about this story the more I realize that I’m not able to convey something I aspire to be someday. How do I write something inspired by God if I’m not sure who my God is and don’t know what questions to ask when and if I do find God. I have been a Baptist, born again Christian for most of my life. Lately I have been exploring Ma’at. Her character is reflected in truth, justice, harmony, order, balance, righteousness, and reciprocity. Reflected in the 42 laws.
I imagine a society where truth is more important than profit. How did we fall into temptation of service to the love of money? I can do all things through Christ Yaway who strengthens me. Some prefer to say Jesus but I don’t know who that is. Jesus was the name for slave ships. Jesus is the foundation for the KKK. Yaway is a black man. Jesus is blonde haired and blue eyed like the devils that enslaved descendants of Yaway.

Truth is greater than profit. When the lie is worshiped people will fight, kill, and die for fear instead of Love. Love is revolutionary because it is the light that creation exudes. Feel the Sun within a single atom. One atom operates the same as the universe. As above so below. Waves in a bucket, Waves in the ocean. Waves in the air. Waves through space, the sun radiating life, warmth, and energy undiscovered moving faster than the speed of light. Or maybe our atoms are a source as well as a reservoir. Our consciousness and intent affect the world we see, feel, and experience. A man in prison can be more free than a billionaire that is a slave to the love of money. A slave can be more free than his/her master because the master is affected by his/her thought in unrighteous ways without unconditional love that slaves are free to explore, serve, and benefit from. I endeavor to be prismatic reflecting greater love’s infinite power. I will fail but creation is my only reward. When it comes down to it. If I had to explain the meaning of life in one sentence it would be something like the following. Serve Love, Truth, and Forgiveness.


Poverty is a violent crime no COP investigates. We need to manifest love, truth, and forgiveness with our thoughts, actions, laws and spending. Until that happens cellular cops, and Police are on the wrong side and most of them know it but enjoy power, money, chaos, battle, and murder. Just doing your job was the battle cry of Nazi's. Without police, fascism could not exist as it does now with prison slavery, the federal reserve, congressional insider trading, and unrighteous war to profit one or two obscenely wealthy families. At what point should a citizen refuse to enforce fascist/racist laws? Just talking to the police increases the chances that you will die like Christopher Dorner. I pray that we can have a nonviolent revolution like Iceland but I fear karma's accuracy. We the people will be held responsible for our nations crimes against Iraq, Libya, African slaves, the poor and uneducated..., love, truth, and forgiveness/God. Who’s side are we on as a nation with our history? How do we come back from modern day slavery without a revolution? We first need to stop offending love, truth, gentleness, and forgiveness with anger, fear, violence, and shame so we can begin to repent for our collective spirit and soul.