My confession

A Story by Cheyenne Delay

I wish that I could tell you how much I still love you, and I know we have never had the best relationship but there just something about you that just won't allow me to let go. I've tried so hard is been 3 years and I'm still hanging on to a man I barely knew. I've tried so hard to move on and forget about all the little moments that made me fall head over heels but here they are still lingering as if I had only talked to you yesterday. Out of all the men that have been in my bed or walked in and out of my life you were the one I was stuck thinking of over and over wishing every touch, every kiss, and every I love you would one day be you. I'm not sure if I love you because of my broken ego, or simply the fact that the tingling sensation in my stomach won't go away, or how my heart races everytime I hear your name, or maybe I love you because every time I leave the house I'm secretly hoping to see that familiar face. The strange part is all my life I thought I was chasing a fairytale but our love has always been about fights and heart ache where's the happily ever after in that? I know I shouldn't feel this way when I'm married with a child but I can't help this forbidden feeling I have deep down in my chest. It's a constant battle of I love you, I hate you I need you, I'm better off with out you, I want you, and I'm glad that you're gone. But in this battle I'm flooding myself with these lies that one day I might forget you but I can't when every where I turn there are picture or someone brings up your name, endless nights are spent sleepless as I try to drown out the thought of you but I can't because the harder I try the more I tear myself apart, and the worst thing is that I hate myself for loving you.