Chapter 2 – I’m “fine”

Chapter 2 " I’m “fine”

 

Now I have no more tears left to cry…

 

I am only speaking figuratively, of course.  “Did you HAVE to say yes!”?  I cry out in pain, taking the, now crumpled up fancy white bag and throw it to the ground.  It lands with a thud, the same way my heart dropped when I heard the news.

 

When I’m by myself I talk to you like you’re here

 

I quickly pull the covers off of me, but lie still for a moment.  I am haggard, aware of my lack of sleep. 

 

I’ve felt so restless every night
Maybe I’ve known all along this would happen

 

I cautiously swing my feet over the side of the bed and stand up, defensive, waiting for someone to strike me down.  Being unconscious would be a pleasure compared to my current state, disgorged and discouraged.

 

The cool, wooden floor feels welcoming and urges me to move forward.  I look around my small, neat apartment, which happens to be my living space for the past year.  There is nothing special about it, but I suddenly feel safely secluded here.  I walk past the kitchen area, arriving at the grand piano.  Sleek, shiny, and out of a “normal” college students styled room.  Some guys have big screen TV’s, I have my piano. 

 

I feel that same light sensation as my worn out hands rest along the newly polished keys.  Black and White.  Plain and Simple.  They are calling out to me, but I hesitate to begin.  I know what they want me to play, but it hurts so much.  So I get in my ready position, sitting up straight, wrists arched, fingers stretched and ready to go.  But I’m not ready.  And I don’t think I ever will be.

 

You never knew how I felt about you

And I hated you so

Sometimes I wished you would be unhappy

 

Instead of playing, I close my eyes and think of the last event, my final hope extinguished faster than a burning building.  Which can also be referred to as one of Moon Geun Young’s happiest days in her life.

 

Just like I knew she would, Geun said yes to Hae-Jin’s proposal.  The very next week, Geun asked me to come and talk with her.  I had been waiting, hoping she was having second thoughts about the wedding, but that was just selfish of me.  Yet I was completely caught off guard when she asked me to be the one to play a song portraying her vows at the wedding.  I was considering saying no, but she is one of my best friends.  Besides, I read somewhere that your not supposed to make a bride-to-be upset, so I clearly said yes.

 

The song only took a week for me to write, but I’m sure it’ll take a lifetime to forget. 

 

Unconsciously, my fingers begin to play, letting the beautifully constructed melody flow through my mind and onto the keys.  Not missing a note, I play the intro at it’s full, take a deep breath, and begin to sing…

 

When the music starts
You will vow to spend
The rest of your life with him

 

I should continue, but inside I choke, feeling my voice become uneven.  I let out a frustrated “bang” onto the innocent keys, making someone jump behind me.

 

I don’t even turn around, knowing who it is, “When did you stop knocking?” 

 

He lets out a short laugh, “When did I start?”  Then I feel his presence as he slides next to me on the piano bench.  “You don’t look ready for the party,” he observes.

 

“I just woke up, the party isn’t for hours,” I protest, but again he up’s me.

 

“No, it’s two o’ clock, and you would know that if it wasn’t so dark in here.”  He gets up, quickly opening the drapes as I shield my eyes, forgetting how bright the afternoon sun can be.

 

I say nothing, avoiding his agitated glares.  Suddenly, the way G-Dragon has amazed me since we were little, come out.  He rests his hand on my shoulder saying, “Man, I hate this girl for messing with your head”. 

 

“I’ll go get ready,” I can’t face him like this.  Standing up, I walk towards my bedroom and slam the door.

 

Through the door I hear him sigh, and knowing he’s doing his signature move; scratching his head then smoothing out his hair that never gets messed up in the first place.  I can tell he’s looking for the right words to say, but there are none.  I know from the beginning he had wanted Geun Young and I to be together, but that was more than two years ago.

 

Time changes people.

 

“I know your “fine”, but I want to warn you…at the end-of-the-summer party today everyone’s going to be talking about their engagement.  Ok..?”  He waits for my response.

 

I finish getting dressed and open the door.  “I’m more then fine”, I lie though my teeth, “and what are we… in high school?”  He laughs as we begin walking toward the door, and as much as I believe people don’t stay the same, G-Dragon always has.  I honestly can’t see him being anything more or less than what he is right now.  And that may be my only reason I can currently smile.

 

.

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“Oh! I can’t believe we are all going back to school,” a rather short girl runs up and embraces G-Dragon.

 

“I know, summer just goes by so fast,” he smirks, returning the hug.  Great, I have to deal with a whole afternoon or this.  Not shockingly, other girls seem to come out of nowhere, surrounding G-Dragon.  Wow, our friends really haven’t changed.

 

I can’t take all this, so I wander off on my own.  I guess that’s been my only defense since I was little. I walk along the grassy pathway and reach the edge of the Lake.  There are some older people fishing, and small children run around chasing each other.  The light blue sky with it’s fluffy clouds seem to smile upon this serine scene.  A light breeze picks up, alerting the world that autumn is coming.

 

I sit down towards the edge of water, right where the best skipping stones are found.  Just last year weren’t Geun and I here?  Yes I recall the day clearly.  She sat on my right and we must have stayed that way for hours…laughing, talking, and skipping stones.  It seems so childish now, but I love the way this place never seems to change, though that may be because I have only ever been here in the summer.

 

I take a small, grayish stone and chuck it into the water, not even bothering to move my wrist properly.  As it slaps the water, ripples dance along the surface and disappear.  It’s something I could look at for hours.

 

“And to think you’re the one who taught me how to skip stones,” a voice comes from behind me.

 

I crank my neck quickly to see her.  I must have missed their arrival, “I’m just tired”.

 

We sat it silence, until I finally looked up and followed her eyes.  They led to a small rowboat floating in the middle of the lake, with a young couple in it holding hands.

 

I break the silence, “That will be you two next year”

 

“Yeah…” she’s longing to say more but refrains.  “Oh, look at where we are sitting!”  She’s trying to lighten the mood, but I’m holding up back, “Remember last year..”

 

“Yeah.”  I cut her off, knowing I should be more polite.  She nods being far to polite than she should be after the way I have been acting; like a jealous child.

 

Again, the silence overwhelms me, crushing me.  “So where’s Hae-Jin?”

 

“Actually, he’s looking for you.  He wants to thank you….and so do I”.

 

I look up; finally taking notice of what she’s saying, “Thank me for what?”

 

“Well,” she shyly blushes then looks away, “Hae-Jin told me about how you helped him propose to me.  And if you hadn’t come and made that promise with me, I probably wouldn’t have agreed to the marriage so quickly.”

 

The sharpest knife I can think of is piercing me, digging into my soft flesh.  Holding me back, mocking me.  She actually said yes because of what I said.  This is too much.

 

“So, we both wish to thank you,” She pulls me into a hug, and I can’t help but hug her back.  I would gladly stay like that forever, or even just thirty more seconds, but she breaks the embrace saying, “oh, and G-Dragon says to make sure you come back to the party and your not allowed to leave again” she grins adding, “or something like that…. You coming?”  She stands up and dusts herself off.

 

I now notice that she is wearing a yellow sundress with pink and orange tulips embroidered along the collar.  She is bare of jewelry expect for the three-diamond engagement ring that seems to sparkle, patronizingly, even more than the first time I saw it.  “You go back first, I’ll come in a minute” is my stubborn reply.

 

I can feel her silent nod and hear her faint footsteps as she makes her way up the hill and out of sight.  I turn my unintentionally divided attention back to the Lake and sigh.  Picking up another stone, I carefully put my wrist into a ready position, flick it, and follow through.  I watch as my immense accuracy carries the stone three graceful hops and lands swiftly.  It disappears instantly, and the last of the dwindling ripples are the only remains of the stone ever existing. 

 

It was at that moment, as the last ripple faded, that I promised myself to never return to this place again.

Author's Note

How do you like it so far? Please comment. Oh, and in my opinion, the third chapter is the best! Please keep reading ^_^