Chapter 1 – Nice Words, Mean Thoughts

Chapter 1 " Nice Words, Mean Thoughts

 

Friendship.  Like the perpetual idiot I am, I chose friendship.  I didn’t mean to, it just sort of happened that way.  She was sitting in that hospital room, because of me.   And though she praised every word I said and thanked me numerous times, she had been through a lot, and I just couldn’t say it.  I suppose I felt guilty, and assumed she deserved a better man.  But now everything’s all messed up.  Why are things the way they are?

 

I nervously check my watch and bolt out the door when it tells me I’m twenty minuets late. Why am I always late? Though I guess I have no choice, I’m supposed to be in two places at once right now.  Man, now is one of those times a twin would come in handy. 

 

I loop to the right avoiding a car that zooms past me, only inches from my leg.  Wohh!  Too close!  But that wouldn’t be a first for me.  I feel the sun beat down on my bare neck and wipe away sweat from my brow as my pace increases.  I clutch a white paper bag in my left hand, and recall why it’s so light.  Then, I use my free hand as a visor to protect me from the uncomfortable rays of light.  It’s deathly humid, but my will for knowledge pushes me forward.

 

“Owww Sorry"“ Maybe it’s pushing me a little too hard.  “Hae-Jin!”

“Your late” he scowls at me, but then starts to laugh.  Ugh that’s what I hate about this guy.  He always laughs like he knows something you don’t!  And I guess I was in for a surprise today.  “Here, sit down.  I need to tell you something,” he’s serious now as he leads me to a nearby bench.

 

Hae-Jin.  A good friend of mine since 5^th grade.  He was always tagging along with G-Dragon and I since the day we met.  About my height, with flowy, chocolate brown hair, and today he’s really dressed up.  Not a suit, but he’s definitely looks like he is going somewhere today.  He’s a good-hearted guy, and the girl’s say he’s pretty good looking, but I think it’s the personality that wins them over.  They all talk about how he’s such a “great guy”, so why did he have to win over the only girl I like?  For the past year he and Moon Geun Young have been dating.  It’s only been a year, but it feels like a lifetime to me.

 

“Well, go on,” I say impatiently, knowing I have other places to be right now.

He fumbles with his fingers for a long minuet and actually looks genuinely nervous.  But with dating a girl like Geun Young, what does he have to worry about?

 

Over time I slowly realized that I began to detest this guy.  Ok, so I’m just jealous.  But I’m the one who helped Geun Young during all her hardships.  I suggested she come to my school and I’m the one who introduced her to all my friends, including Hae-Jin.  That was my first mistake.  My second mistake, leaving them alone together.

 

Finally he begins his explanation, “I bought this today for Geun,” He pulls out a small white bag and it seems to have the same logo as on mine.  No! I scream in my head, knowing what will come next.  Dreading the moment of truth.

 

Some say it’s not over until it’s over

 

“…And since your Geun Young’s best friend I wanted you to know first,” He smiles then tilts his head the same way he used to as a kid.  But somehow, my twisted head see’s only malicious undertones to this gesture.  “I’m asking her to marry me…tonight”.

“THAT soon!”  I can’t help but blurt it out. 

 

Guess this is really over now

 

This wasn’t supposed to happen so soon.  I was supposed to have my time to win her over.  Where’s my chance now?  Despair tingles in my throat, as I remember one important asset.  Geun Young and he are currently fighting. 

 

“Yeah now.  Her and I fighting, that was all so she wouldn’t expect it,” What he says has truth to it.  I’ve never seen Hae-Jin get angry and to be honest, he wasn’t that good of a liar.  My last ray of hope dwindles away.  I wonder why Geun Young hadn’t seen through him, but I guess that’s what love does to you.

 

“So what do you think?”  He urges me for an answer and only now I realize that I spaced out again.  I blink to find him opening the white bag and pulling out a small, velvet box.  Then I literally choke at the sight of the ring.  It’s gorgeous, fit for a princess.  There are three, real diamonds with the one in the middle overpowering the others.  It sparkled in the summer sun and I wanted to cry at how beautiful it was.  I thought back to my own ring I had just bought for her and his really outshines mine.  Mine only has one diamond, and it’s not really an engagement ring.  It’s a lot simpler looking, but Geun Young likes simple.  I shamefully hide my bad behind my back, not that he’s watching me or anything.

 

“I-It’s nice,” I stutter.

“Nice!  It’s expensive!”  Hae-Jin laughs at his own joke in an attempt to calm himself.

“But I need your help,” he sates with that serious, business tone of his.

I wearily ask, “mine?”  This was just too much for me to take.

 

Other than G-Dragon, Geun Young is my best friend, and I can’t bare to let her slip away like this.  Too late.

 

“But I’m having trouble with how I should propose…You’re close to her…any ideas?”

How could he ask me this?  I breathe out, check my watch, and stand up.  “Her favorite time of day is watching the sun set.  Ask her then” I quickly announce, feeling vulnerable with him knowing one of Geun Young and mine’s secret, but I don’t have a choice.  I need to leave now before I get upset.  Scratch that, before I get MORE upset.

 

I clutch the white bag, tears forming in my eyes as I run off.  I hear him calling, “Thanks!” from a distance.  But this only proves my defeat is a reality.  Only two people can cheer me up now.  But I need to pull myself together before I see her. 

 

There’s something I gotta say before I let you go

 

As I reach the nearby park I slow down so as not to run over any small children, and spot her.  She looks radiant, particularly today.  She’s wearing a white cotton dress with sandals and seashell jewelry.  The necklace I got her from our vacation at the beach is like a patronizing smack in the face.

 

Listen

 

“I though you’d never come!”  She smiles, but her hands are on her hips.  She pulls me to the blanket like grass bed, but in the process my bag fall from my grip.  It topples to the ground, but thankfully stays shut.  “What’s that?”  She reaches for it, but I beat her to it.

 

“It’s"For my mom”, I come up with a quick lie.

“Ok, must have gotten her a nice gift” she starts from inspecting the logo.

“Yeah…uh real nice,” I can feel myself turn red, but maybe it’s just from the exhaustion of running around town all day.

 

“I confess,” she starts. Oh great, now I’m in for another hourly update about her and Hae-Jin’s love life.  I force myself not to roll my eyes, but the feeling is there, my muscles just waiting for my brain to allow them to move.  “You know how Hae-Jin and I have been fighting lately…” I nod a she continues, “. Well he’s acting even more strange now.  Ever since I brought up marriage, she’s been all jumpy--”

 

“What?!”  The question escapes my lips.  She’s the one that brought it up in the first place.  I’m in total disbelieve, and begin to remember how convincingly she had fought him, not knowing what was truly going on.

 

When you have a fight with him
Sometimes you cry
And feel sad and blue

 

Doesn’t she remember the past two weeks?

 

I became hopeful
My heart aches secretly

 

And every time I’d hear things were going better I internally freaked out, watching my chances of getting her slip away.

 

Then just a hint of your smile
Made me feel fine again

 

Honestly, I believed things with her and Han-Jin were going to fast, but she was not able to see it.  Every time I’d see her I’d think, “puppy-love overpowers all”.    Sometimes she can be so naive.

 

I’d keep you from figuring out how I feel about you
Coz then we would drift apart

 

But isn’t that what’s happing now?  Shouldn’t I just accept the fast that she will be proposed to night and after that things will never be the same.  I hate this!  I hate change!  I hate Han-Jin!

 

I hold my breath, bite my lips

 

A sudden gush of dry wind picks up and I watch her long, pin straight hair blow in the breeze.  I am mesmerized, and for the second time today I space out.

 

“…. and I guess…I really want to tell him today that I…I love him” She looks up at me and I can feel my eyes bulge out of their sockets.  Ok, stay calm!  Aww…how can I be calm?  The moment she said those words I began to think how bad of an idea this wedding is.  Ah!  I’m so selfish!  All I can think is ‘please leave him and come to me’.  Even if it’s just friendship. 

 

No wait!  She doesn’t know that he will ask her tonight.  Maybe she’ll say no...  Who am I trying to kid?  She’s in love, and there is no doubt about that.  And we’re friends, so shouldn’t I be happy for her?

 

“Well…oh TaeYang say something already!”  She shakes me hard and I do my cover up, laughing the whole time.

“What…?  You don’t need ME to tell you how pretty you are, do you?” 

“Stop that!  I’m serious…” but she is also laughing at my compliment, “What’s wrong?  Your more quiet than usual”.  Of curse she noticed, she always does.

 

Feeling more guilt swell in my stomach, I know what I have to say.  So I tenderly grasp her hand, and entwine it in mine.  Here’s to our friendship!  The only way it’ll ever be for me.  “Promise me, no matter what happens today, you’ll choose what will make you happy”.

Her eyes squint down in confusion, “What are you talking about?”

I swallow hard, knowing that was to close to giving it away, “Just promise,” I urge.

“Alright, I promise,” She says without hesitation.

 

I sigh, and smile, letting go of her hand and lying in the grass to rest.

 

“Oh no you don’t!  We didn’t come to the park to sit around and do nothing!”  She pulls me up and we head for the swings, aware of the small children staring at us, but not caring one bit.  I push her higher and higher wishing things could stay the same.  Wishing simple, heartfelt moments like these wouldn’t be so hard to come by.  But most of all, wishing tonight’s sunset will never come.

Author's Note

Please Comment. Ah, Poor TaeYang!

Reviews

[Aldora Sparrow]

Awww. I fell in love with Wedding Dress as soon as I listened to it. God, it's beautiful. And it's so sad. This is beautiful as well. Great job! It's great to see Taeyang still going on. You should do more fanfiction (-cough- DBSK -cough-) ;D Wonderful write!