Of Love And War

A paper lantern heart burns brightly from inside
never ceases ignition with a thousand tears cried
love beats its fragile wings like a moth to the flame
anger swallows it whole, consuming it all in fair game

They said all was fair in love and war
A lashing on my soul, they could have warned me before..
It happens so fast, and gone so in the blink of an eye
the lantern incinerates, fanning a fuel on a roll of the die

Is it love or is it war?
Both a chance I'm willing to draw for.

Author's Note

Unfinished as of yet. Soon to be, though.

Reviews

[UnderINK]

The only problem I see with this work is the arrangement of syllables. If you pay very careful attention to the lines, they seem a little 'off', as if you could add or subtract syllables to make them flow better. For instance, the second stanza's first two lines seem -too- mismatched, not in an artful sense but in a distracting sense. But I see that with the next pair of lines, too. Also, it's a little poetically awkward to use two words that are the same in such a short space---you used fair at the end of the first stanza and at the beginning of the first. I believe the use of 'fair' in the first stanza draws attention away from the imagery you put forth beforehand, which almost feels oriental----paper lanterns, moths and flames. I'd find another way to word the last line in that and work with the syllables.

The imagery, though, like I mentioned, is great. The war you speak of isn't a war of men, of guns, of bodily suffering and torment---yet it is all of those things, internally. It's the war of heart.

Beautiful, Jen. : ) I hope you finish it.