Pros and Cons

"So, your Sarah and your Freya, right?" Britney said, smiling at us showing off her pearly white teeth.

"Yep." Sarah said, and they started chit chatting like they were best friends. "So Miley, uhh....." Sarah frowned a moment, trying to think of a way to drag Miley into the conversation. She was like that, not wanting people to feel left out.

"What?" she snapped, making Sarah's lips tighten slightly, before she crossed her arms over her chest and looked back at Britney.

"Is she always like that or just PMSing?" I whispered to James who frowned a moment.

"Not usually, she's usually nice." he said, leaning his chin on my shoulder. "Justin, so did you guys win the big game yet?" James started and then everybody started talking, through the whole evening the first thing I realized was that something was up with Miley and what ever it was, wasn't something I was sure I wanted to know. Now my thoughts don't even make sense, wow.

*~*~*

."Another." Isaid and picked up the tequilla before swallowing it one gulp as it burned my throat. "An-"

"No more!" James said, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me off the barstool. He kissed my cheek as I pouted. "Your drunk." he laughed and I shook my head, pulling away from him only managing to fall over as he caught me.

Yeah he was right, I was so wasted. "I told you not to let me drink!" I laughed, wrapping my arms around my neck as he carried me out. "Oh, wait!" I suddenly said, making him stop walking and giving me a questioning look. "Where's Sarah?"

"She left over an hour ago with Darren." he said, continuing to walk as he was holding me. He stopped walking as music started up and I smiled as I heard All I Need by: Within Temptation.

"Put me down!" I ordered and he set me on my feet, but kept an arm around my waist so I wouldn't fall. "I love this song...." I murmured under my breath as he spun me so I was facing him. "I'm going to fall over..." I stated, knowing it was true.

He lifted me up easily, putting me on his shoes before wrapping my arms around his neck. I leaned my head on his shoulder as we danced and I couldn't help, but think that it would have been a gorgeous picture.

That was how we both landed dancing in the middle of the parking lot to a song that was barely hearable, and I'm not just saying that because of the ringing in my ears. Iguess my drunk-y-ness was coming back now.

I kissed him and smiled as he kissed me back.

"What the hell?" somebody snapped and we jumped, glancing over at Miley who was standing there with her hands on her hips. "So this is how things are going to be huh? I thought you said she was just your friend!"

I glanced at him with one eyebrow raised, I was surprised I could do that. Never thought I could! Wait, my mind is getting off track.

I blinked once.

"I didn't say that." James said, glaring at Miley. "What is up with you today?" he asked, spinning me so he was holding my bridal style again.

"Me? Your the one who brought your married girlfriend here with her friend." Miley spat. "I thought we were getting back together..."

Back together......You knowI should have made a big deal out of this, but I wont; because honestly, she said back together which means they are apart. That's good, but that wasn't the real reason. If he can be with me while I'm married, I guess I could be with him while he has a girlfriend.

*~*~*

Why don't you break up with him? Why don't you break up with him?Why don't you break up with him?

It all echoed around in my thoughts as I thought of what James just said before he walked out my front door and left me alone with my thoughts. Idon't even know how the that was brought up. We were talking about George Lopez and The Nanny, how could that change to asking me to break up with Matt.

It was different than that though, It's not as simple as breaking up. We'd have to get a divorce and go through everything that led to this divorce andI don't think I was ready for that. No, no, not like that. I wasn't embarassed of James, I was embarassed at myself for letting it get this far and dragging him with me.

What do I do now? I mean, I love James, so much it hurts. But I love Matt too. Okay, just do what mom always said to do, write a pros and cons list. Pros of going with James and Cons of going with James. Oh s**t, I don't know which one is which, I guess I could just take a wild guess then.

I grabbed a piece of paper and put it on my coffee table, before writing:

Pros

• I could hang with his friends No, I wouldn't have to buy make-up to cover my bruises.
• I would get to kiss him in more public places without being worried
• Wouldn't have to change myself; James loved me for who I am, Matt tried to correct everything I did
• Could have kids since James wants kids too. Matt does not he quotes: I don't want little kid feet running around when I'm playing poker.
• Last, I would be able to be with him til I died

Cons

• I would have to deal with the guilt Matt will give me
• Miley
• James family, who don't like me at all
• James would be stuck with my baggage
• Matt would hurt James

I growled in frustration. The cons and the pros were the same in number and sinceI couldn't grasp importance I didn't know which one. I crumbled it up and tried again; only to get the same thing.

I stood up and screamed in frustration.