Chapter I: Paperthin

"One sleepless night becomes, bitter oblivion." - Anberlin, "Paperthin Hymn"

I dove into the first level of my inner chaos, when I grieved the loss of my sister. My heart and mind finally connected, and created my soul. My mind, saw all the world for what it was, and knew how horrible things were, but my heart was too busy basking in the glory of it's youth. When they met, they made a chaotic soul, that was angry, and shocked. I did this, by being alone for the first time in my life, for more than a day. I began exploring my interests, and slept in a man's bed whom I despised. He was my Mother's boyfriend, who I knew was a lustful liar, and had no tolerance for. He often looked at me in the corner of his eye I recall, very hatefully. He was from the east, and had a primitive culture which sorta worried me. When I slept in his bed, and I heard him making love with my mother, I grew furious beyond comprehension. He then, walked nude, into my room, and took some clothes, and left. I then, was determined, to kill him. Spirits began attacking me with golden stones, and at night they watched me and conjured demonic images from wrinkles and smudges in my clothing and covers, to frighten me. So I only slept in the daylight. 

I soon became nocturnal, and my Mother did leave him after she discovered he was cheating on her. However, weeks after being over his home, I developed a heightened sense of awareness, and I began to feel empathy for all people around me. I then started to feel as if parasites were on me, in my clothing, and then I saw them in the corners of the ceiling at night. They never were real though, they were illusions. My mind became open to demonic images and concepts, and demons would terrorize me by screaming and mocking my fantasies about finding a cute, nice guy and telling my family about him. They grew so powerful, I lost control of my life, and they influenced people around me to attack me verbally and physically. I then, grew sick of it all, and was ready to commit suicide. Empathy stopped me of course, and still my family learned of my plans and yelled at me. Yell at a suicidal kid, that'll stop the thoughts. Anyways, my brother then told me that if I died, he wouldn't know what to do, and that he loved me. For the first time, I felt like a had a reason to live. Soon I regained faith in God, and he brought me to my sister, who guided me in my dreams to an inner light that could never fade, not even in the darkest of nights.