She

She knew, but he didn't.

Every girl falls in love with one boy, and the woman in her loves him forever

It’s quite nostalgically twisted, she yearns for his affection, but when this girl never says anything she becomes lustful of his ghost. 

  

In some way this boy makes her a woman, the lack of communication makes her a strong, bold, and lonely woman.

 

She becomes a woman who never loves another soul because his driven soul has captured her beyond compare. 

So she wraps herself in her favorite sweater, and skirt crying to the moon.

Hoping he can feel her, and all that feels right is his voice, touch, laugh and demeanor. 

To her eyes he is perfect in every way, a man so bold that life couldn’t contain his voluminous energy. 

She mourns his ambiguous death like an orphan in the night; that tangentially is obsessed with the figures of beauty in the kinship of what family must be like. 

She never calls him or does she want to see him, but she writes a million letters to him in her head hoping he will answer. 

She imagines him writing back to her in ink that is deeply blue as the sea, she wants to become his mermaid in the indigo night. 

She wants to be all his, and hoping for another lifetime to take the chances she wish she had. 

This boy will never leave her heart, and nor will he ever be gone with the wind, but his ghost will linger inside of her forever. 

His memory will consume her every day she doesn’t speak up. She almost finds the words to mend to her almost lover, but never do they find peace with one another.

 So she becomes melancholy with all that is on her mind, she wants so bad to become the girl on his arm, but she fears the whispers in the town- that knows everything.

 She wants to be his secret, but she can’t help the regrets from piling up on her heart. He never wanted to ruin what they had, but her pride that loved his happiness was all she had, and all she could offer him because she could never love him the way he could love her.

 Now that a year and six months have passed she has lived without him, and all she can conclude is her life means nothing without the boy who loved her. 

She cannot live without the boy who got her to say the 3 infamous set of words. 

Not once did the boy let her be sad, not once did they fight, and not once did someone come in between. 

Now that someone has planted their garden between two roses that grew from concrete, they look at each other across the garden of evil, and wish they could be side by side. 

She no longer believes in wishing because with wishes everything becomes ironically erupt, and when a boy who tried to fill the shoes of her almost lover she knew why she couldn’t move on.

She knew he couldn't fill them when he handed her a dandelion that was full of promise, but all she wished for was him- the boy who refuged inside of her heart. 

She lies to his face telling him she wished for a future of greatness, but when really all she wanted was the boy she loved. 

People always leave is what she thought, so what difference would it make if she let the boy who tried make a campfire in her heart? How can he ever save her from herself -the way he could?  How could he make her feel safe and sound with empty promises? 

She knew, oh she knew- god knew, he always knew that she loved him, but was he testing them she thought? Did he plant this garden of evil for these two almost lovers to realize they’re two roses that need each other? Or were her expectations silly has she cried silly, oh silly?

 So as time makes her nostalgic of what could have been, every night her heart will go on without him. The world is yours she thought, and maybe through her secrets of words that she has hidden from the souls in this world can give her the voice she has always wanted.

 Maybe the boy will fall in love with the woman she has become, but a part of her always saw the man inside of the young boy she couldn’t confess her desires to. 

In that way the man inside of the boy made her run like a little girl, and has she twirled around like a ballerina - she spun so fast that he was gone. Now the gates are locked up leaving her an exiled lover from the garden of evil. 

She has always bee drawn to the darker side of things, and she became oppressed with the pain that left her lonelier than she has ever been. 

Deep inside she leaves all her woes, and all away from the ones she loves. She would never let this pain consume him because lies have left her screaming for her dear life. 

Wanting so bad to have his comfort, but all she can do is cry silly.