Under the Oak Tree

The oak tree is my protector, guardian, and the one who sets me free.

Come meet me

At the old oak tree

Whose limbs will embrace us

Like a cloak of safety.

Dance with me

Around the old oak tree

Where our chains will melt away

Along with all our boundaries.

Hide with me

In the great oak tree

Who will forever keep us safe

From fears, pains, and enemies.

Stay with me

Beneath the loving oak tree

Whose strength will inspire us

And let our sprits free.

So if you’re wondering where I’ll be

Know I’ll be under the mighty oak tree.

Author's Note

First attempt at a poem that rhymes, how do you think I did?

Reviews

[Glen Yumang Manese]

Seems to dance across the page...
in its own sort of way...
the rhyme at times I feel is not needed...
yet most still write the form no matter...
not that its wrong or right...
its how you feel at the moment...
when you pen the verse...
if you're happy with this --- then that's what matters...
on your first attempt...satisfaction is all that's needed...

[Louvegrise14]

Thank you for your input :)

[Glen Yumang Manese]

you're welcome...

[zainul]

You did very well.
It brings everyone around the oak tree to dance and spree.

[Louvegrise14]

Thank you zainul for your kind words.

[zainul]

You are most welcome.

[Louvegrise14]

Thank you everyone for the positive feedback, I really appreciate it :)

[Arianna Dean]

I really like this one. Good job!

[Louvegrise14]

Thank you Arianna!

[ron]

Wonderful poem. The oak tree (some believe) is the green man. When I was in elementary I wrote a book (only a few pages) called the "Golden oak Tree"

[Louvegrise14]

Thank you ron - I would love to have been able to read your book :)

[ron]

It has since been lost. I seam to have lost a lot of my writings.

[Louvegrise14]

I'm sorry :/, but at least you've kept writing, right :)

[ron]

Yes I have. I wish I could get my writings back, but I have found so much happiness In writing in WC.

[Lyn Anderson]

I really like the use of repetition and the subtle progressions that alter the poem as it moves forward.

[Louvegrise14]

Thank you Goode :)

[Coyote Poetry]

A beautiful poem. I like the vision create of the oak tree and the chance to dance and play by the oak tree. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Louvegrise14]

I'm glad you enjoyed, Coyote :)

[annabellee]

Well written, good rhymes and rhythm. I loved the theme and how you portrayed it.
well done :)

[Louvegrise14]

Thanks Annabellee, I'm glad you liked it

[annabellee]

you're most welcome :)

[Soumyo]

Its a beautiful portrayal. And the rhyming suits the tone.

[Louvegrise14]

Thank you Soumyo!

[Dhaye]

Nice poem of care and appreciation of nature...
When it comes to the rhyme scheme, it's fine...though you have to double-check verses 2 and 3. But, the whole poem is nice already.
Thanks for the share.

[Louvegrise14]

Yeah, I tweaked it a little on verses 2 and 3, thanks for pointing it out. I liked how it sounded, though, and couldn't think of anything else. Thank you for reviewing it!

[Dhaye]

The rhyme scheme is AABA, as I can see it. You can make the last words into singular (from plural to take the 's' sound) like:

"Dance with me
Around the old oak tree
Where our chains will melt away
Along with any boundary.


Hide with me
In the great oak tree
Who will forever keep us safe
From each fear, pain, and enemy."

That's only a suggestion. However you are still the master of your own creation.
You're welcome. =)

[Louvegrise14]

That's a very helpful suggestion, now the poem rhymes perfectly. Thank you!