A Dream

Pardon me sir, but can i borrow a dream?

Borrow a dream?

How can that be?

You are still young, I'm very old

surely you should have

more dreams than me to unfold?

I did, sir.  Five bags full I had...

Five bags full you say?

And you lost them all on your way?

You're a negligent boy, my lad!

Without dreams you are sure

to go mad.

I didn't loose them, sir, I gave them away...

Gave them away?

Do you not know?

Dreams are not for giving away.

Dreams are for hope, for  secret desires, 

dreams are life's burning fire!

That I do know.  But you see, sir...

I'll tell you what I see, lad.

A boy with no dreams,

trying to trick an old man with lost dream schemes.

Well, I may be old and nearly cold.

but my dreams are mine, 

my Acapulco gold!

I'll be on my way, sir.  Enjoy your dreams,sir.

I hope you will live the one I last gave to you, 

you know, the one where you'll find love again 

and your kind heart will beat again, 

where we'll  go fishing together, 

father and son forever.

Author's Note

This is still a work in progress. I struggled with the rhythm a lot. Any suggestions,advice or constructive criticism welcome. Thanks!

Reviews

[Bob Sherunkle]

I like the line" I maybe old and nearly cold",superb.I really enjoyed this.Nice work.

[R. L. Hill]

I'm not the biggest fan of rhyming poetry, but I like the flow you have with this one, Lourisa. The subject matter is great too. We are so quick to give away our dreams, aren't we? The last stanza is really stunning though even if not in complete coherence with the others. I can see the areas where it could use a bit of development, but this is definitely a good one

[Neon]

Dreams are not for giving away.
Dreams are for hope, for secret desires,
dreams are life's burning fire!

Lovely stanza ... But this write i must say is damn hell emotional. It's melt the heart of those who read this poem.
May God Bless You dear, Lourisa.

Keep on!

[Lourisa]

Thanks, Neon, for your kind words. Have a beautiful day!

[Karen Elizabeth miller]

You are gifted too I like your poetry it moves me it I speaks to me on an emotional level

[Lourisa]

Thanks for your kind words, Karen. I'm glad you enjoyed the poem.

[Karen Elizabeth miller]

Want to hear more from me?

[Lourisa]

Sure would.

[Karen Elizabeth miller]

Wow I love it finally someone understands me

[Lourisa]

It feels good, doesn't it. John Lennon once said the one thing you can't hide is when you're crippled inside and in that, to me, is the beauty of writing:you don't have to hide it, just like you don't have to hide it from a friend who understands.

[Neon]

I do agree with the great thoughts. Thanks for writing it here.

[Searching 4 Serenity]

Eyeballs popped out when I read the ending. Now this is a worthy poem of father&son relationship. Awesome!

[Kenneth The Poet]

Very nice indeed.

[☯]

I really liked reading this! I loved the flow and the wording to this. The rhythm and plot of this poem put a smile on my face. A smart and compelling story to read. I really liked this a lot. Amazing job :)

[emmajoy]

Sometimes a brief holiday from a piece of writing helps the not altogether happy writer, what do you think? Personally I like the ring of this, most of it has a distinct pattern and where the meter bends, makes the reader pause a second or two to see what might be lurking. The thoughts you're setting down create a goodly scene, and the ending's really quite intrigiuing, it's like the beginning of another story.

[Judy Ponceby]

I like this very much. I struggle with rhyme and rhythm often so I don't know that I would be of any help on that count. But this is well on its way :) I love the conversational style of it. And the concept of the son teaching the father about dreams and giving :) Most excellent.

[quinfinn]

truly clever, father and son? very nicely done. reminds me of an old henry gross
tune called "meet me on the corner" . i love this!