The curse

in the shadow of the forest
on a bed of rotten leaves
where life and death can't coexist
sleeps the king of callous thieves.

in times gone by and yet to come
the callous king would steal
the soul of every wearisome
turn their hearts to coldest steel.

the heartless soul would wander then
alone unloved despised
with darkness shining brighter
in the callous king's cold eyes.

Reviews

[Lydia Shutter]

You created the scene and transported us to it...and then introduced us to the character. Very well written. The imagery is wonderful. I feel as though you left me hanging, though. I would like to know more about this callous king and the curse he is under....or does he put a curse on the kingdom? Lydi**

[Lourisa]

Lydia, I think another reviewer felt the same as you did about this poem. I will work on adding more to make the story more complete. To me the poem (as most of my poems) is about depression, how it steals the very essence of your soul and left you wandering. But maybe turning it into a longer story is not such a bad idea. Thanks for your review, I appreciate it.

[R. L. Hill]

Wow....how do you do these?

[Lourisa]

You're too kind! I just write what needs to be written. Have a lot still too learn so I try to write everyday.

[R. L. Hill]

I enjoy writing every day too. Do you only do poetry?

[Lourisa]

No, I'm busy with a memoir "Down the Rabbit Hole" which is also on here. I'm very passionate about help getting the stigma removed from mental illness and get people to talk about it so most of my work are about mental illness.

[R. L. Hill]

I love them. Your work portrays your passions clearly.

[Ziggy Jagger SpiderFrom..]

This is absolutely chilling and so beautiful. Everything just flows together so perfectly and paints the most stunning image. I am so looking forward to reading more of your work. I love the part when you said life and death can't coexist. Writing is such a gift to all of us, more people need to take the time to see the beauty that can come from a simple pen and paper (or a key board I guess :) )

[Lourisa]

Thanks, Ally. Yes, like you well know, writing can be a life source.

[Sheila Kline]

The curse holds one in its grip of despair, day after day, times of past and times of present -though he is king he is a captive in his own kingdom!

The imagery is excellent!

(one question - in the line, "while darkness shining brighter" could the word, "with" connect the darkness better to the king?)......just a thought.

[Lourisa]

Sheila, thanks for the great review and advise. I love your insight in the king being a captive in his own kingdom. There's hope now. Thanks.

[Neon]

Nice concept. Once again you did an amazing job ...it's a wonderful write.

the heartless soul would wander then
alone unloved despised
while darkness shining brighter
in the callous king's cold eyes... this one stanza's very cool. Keep on dear, Laury.

[Pryde Foltz]

An insatiable hunger that would consume itself. Wonderful write.

[Lourisa]

Thanks Pryde.

[Mark]

I wonder whether the "callous king" you wrote about is the same as my interpretation, upon first reading this piece? For there is in this world a king who rewards his subjects with money, fame and power, but robs them of much which is far more valuable in so doing. His greatest power is in not being recognized for what he truly is, and, my dear, it seems that you recognize him, so he is defeated!

[emmajoy]

You've created a great place and atmosphere.. wonder if it could develop into a series perhaps. 'Coexist' used in a poem is quite something!

[Lourisa]

That sure is something to consider, Emma.

[An owl on the moon]

What a dark, brilliant music flows here.. it seems the very beginning of a tale to haunt the midnight hours... Would love to see more.. so much more.