One

The girl with the long brown hair looked out of the window and watched her older brother, by two minutes, walk along the garden path.  She watched through the biggest, deepest, darkest chocolate-button brown eyes you ever did see.  And, if you are lucky enough to own a pair of these big, dark chocolate-button brown eyes, then you will know how lucky this girl is. 

This girl however, did not know how lucky she was. This girl considered herself to be the most unlucky girl in the world.  This girl wanted blue eyes.  She wanted eyes so blue that when you looked into them it would be like looking at the sky on the clearest of days. That’s what she wanted.  She wanted her brother’s eyes.  He had the most beautiful pair of sparkling, sky blue eyes and she knew this was true because everybody who had met her brother had told her so.  She had beautiful eyes too, but people never noticed them when her brother was around and that made her cross. So cross that she planned to steal her brother’s eyes and keep them for herself and then, she believed, she would be truly admired and loved by everyone. 

She had a plan. All the details of the plan had yet to be worked out, but none-the-less, she had a plan.  Her plan thus far was to study hard until she became clever enough to invent an eye-stealing device that would allow her to steal her brother’s eyes. Maybe she would replace them, perhaps with some horrible grey eyes. But she would, of course, keep her own brown eyes - just in case she fancied a change. 

Ellie-May laughed as she watched her brother make his way toward the bottom of the garden where he lived. She watched as he headed around the bend in the garden until he was out of sight. Then she watched just a little bit longer, to be certain he didn’t come back. She thought about her brother having no eyes and this made her laugh some more.  She laughed so hard that her sides hurt and tears streamed down her red puffy cheeks.

Then she stopped. Ellie-May was now angry. She was so angry that her face had turned purple and this was because she knew that in order for her to steal her brother’s eyes she would have to study hard and that meant that she could not play right now, which is what she really wanted to do, and for this she blamed her brother.

She moved from the window and stomped over to the other side of her bedroom.  She sat at the wooden desk her father had made and opened a book.  She began to read.  She knew her plan was working because the book was full of questions and the questions were math questions and she could answer them all.  She knew the plan was working because the book she was reading was titled ‘Key Stage 3 " Mathematics’ and Ellie-May answered every single question with ease and Ellie-May also knew that that was pretty darn clever for a ten year old. 

***

Jack Jacobs, the older brother of Ellie-May Jacobs, by two minutes and twenty-five seconds, began the long walk from the home where he once lived to the shed at the bottom of the garden.   Jack had not lived in the house with his family for little more than five-years now and it was not the way he liked it to be. He would love, more than anything else in the world, to live in the house once again with his parents and his sister.  He would love to wake up every morning in the big bedroom where all his toys and good clothes were kept.  He would love, more than anything else in the world, to eat his breakfast in the family kitchen at the big wooden oak table that once belonged to his grandparents.  And more than anything else, he wished he could kiss his mum on the cheek by the front door before heading off to school just like he imagined all the other children of his age did.

It takes one hundred and fifty-seven of Jacks footsteps to reach his shed from the back door of the house.  He knew because every time he took the walk he counted them. After thirty-three steps Jack reaches the swing and slide that he is not allowed to play on. After an-other twenty-two footsteps he reaches the sandpit that his parents had installed just for Ellie-May.  Ten more footsteps takes him to the big, beautifully hand crafted, wooden Wendy house that also belongs to his sister.  Sometimes Jack imagined living there; it was much bigger than his shed, it even had a second floor.  Twenty-eight more of Jack’s footsteps took him to the bend in the garden.  Another twelve more footsteps and Jack reached the overgrown bushes and shrubs that Ellie-May forbid her parents to prune, they stretched the whole width of this narrower part of the garden which is fifteen and a half of Jacks footsteps with a small gap to the left that allowed Jack through. At the other-side of the overgrown foliage and after the remaining forty-seven footsteps was Jack’s shed.  Jack was grateful however that the forty-seven foot-steps between his shed and the bushes were his to play on and look after.  His sister never ventured past the bushes and he felt free here, from the very demanding Ellie-May, in his very own precious space. 

His dad had given him some sunflower seeds a long time ago and Jack sowed them at either side of his shed door. He had nurtured and cared for the seedlings until they grew into beautiful sunflowers. When in full bloom Jack thought it made his shed look welcoming which made him feel better.  Jack had also acquired two crates that were upturned and Jack used as a table and chair. If the weather allowed, he would sit out in the garden and eat the meals that his mother gave him. Jack did like the peace his shed offered and although he wished more than anything to be able to live in the family home again, he also knew Ellie-May could make his situation far worse. 

Jack opened the door to his cramped shed, his bed with the lumpy mattress, fitted just so under the small window and next to his bed was a set of draws where the few clothes he was allowed are kept. Opposite the draws is an old wooden chair and above the chair are two shelves that run the full width of the shed which his dad had fitted to hold the books his parents would often sneak to him.

On the floor, next to his bed, was his drawing pad and colouring pencils that he had left there this morning. Under his bed was a box that held all the drawings he had done since he moved into the shed and his collection contained many pictures of his family which he would often draw on waking, wanting to capture the happy dreams he had. His favourite thing of all though was reading.

One evening, after his chores were done, he had put all his books in alphabetical order and this is when he realised he had ninety-nine books.  He then decided it would be more useful to order them by the type of book.  He had novels, educational books " which were sub grouped by topic - biographies and many other types.  Even though Jack had not been to school since he was five, the books he had had allowed him to educate himself and he was just as clever and some would say, much smarter than his sister.

Jack reached into the back pocket of his trousers and pulled out the caramel chocolate bar his mother had given to him, whilst Ellie-May was otherwise distracted, just before he left the house.  He lay on his bed and the rays of the evening sun beamed through the small window of the shed warming his face as he relished the sweet chocolate caramel bar.  Feeling satisfied, Jack drifted off into a light nap.

Author's Note

I have written the story to the end and this is the first 10 chapters that I have edited in regards to the structure of the story. I know there are grammatical errors (UK spelling aside) and will look to correct this on my second edit.

I would really appreciate some feedback on my first chapter. What do you think of the characters and their story so far?

Thank you.

Reviews

[Jared Payne]

Your very good at creating, new raw and creative material, that I found quite interesting to read. Your work contained well descriptive language, allowing your readers to see a clear picture in their mind. Also, I find that you have done a good job in creating complex characters instead of flat ones. Making the story more interesting. So I must say, a job well done.

[Loubilou]

Thank you for taking the time to read and thank you for your encouraging words.