Almost

I'm not even really sure what this is, but I wrote it 4/5 years ago and it has taken me this long to be able to look at it again

Up all night

words jumbled in my head

jumping left to right

a duel between myself

memories

caught up in hopes 

confused in dreams

worries and fears

wedged like a bolt

in my third eye

in this head

the one I used to lay

on your chest when it was heavy

I'd take the weight of yours too

now it floats away

from its ball and chain

stretched to its max

before it ricochets 

... not today

go back

try again

... you haven't finished yet

suddenly I feel I'm drowning

floating in a volume of infinite mass

stand, sit, dance - it does not matter

keep moving 

stay still

time slows until it stops

that thing

in my head

it starts again

telling me I have something to prove

even alone I've never nothing to do

off floats the mind again, it won't stop for a single second

a never ending journey of finding, and searching.

Didn't you tell me you had something to prove?

Inked on your skin so it'd never wear thin

Your skin 

I no longer know

my heart floats and there's a burst inside my chest

a flooding of water swollen in an ocean

and its clear that no-one's here

just me

asking myself

why

why do I spend so much time in here?

you weren't out there when I needed you

it's no surprise I can't find you In there either

you feel better now that I understand 

the pain you felt,

now that I've experienced it 

for myself,

the same pain he did to you he did to me

through you

waiting at the window but he never came

so I showed up for you 

you went and did the same 

to me

you didn't come home

didn't pick up the phone

you feel better now I know

you were scared 

therefore 

so was I

consumed by that fire

the flames spread 

my forest had been pure

I can't do this anymore

No rules - as long as that works for you.

New rules - as long as they confine me too

you feel safer then, don't you

when my wings are clipped and you're free to fly

high

then I'm guilty

 of not being your ride or die

memories are all that's left

once you have found freedom

  from captivity

memories - when you called the police

I tried to escape and took your keys

fists thrown, 

knives hurled

broken glass

hell hole

lessons learned

no-one asked

so close 

so close to you

so far from me and all I knew

so close

you will always be

the worst thing that almost happened to me

now I see it

clearly

Author's Note

I haven't edited this, it's a free flow of thoughts made 4/5 years ago. Looking at it now feeling like a different person. I'd love any creative or cultural suggestions regarding how to bring this together. Thank you.