Gosh, Laura Kate!
You are so young to write with such a depth of maturity in relationships, emotional sensations, and the scintillating pleasures of arousal.
"You took my breath away, and I let you.", "that kiss, the one that tore my heart right out", "the touch that turned my skin to butter."
Your Free Verse skill hits all the sensitive points: The rousing imagery of vivid metaphor, spot-on line-breaks, seamless syntactical flow … eloquently portrayed, and more.
Ya know, Larua Kate?
I was once asked, "Why, Richard, do you keep falling in-love only to have your heart broken?" I replied, "Kenneth, my friend, it is my feeling that to achieve anything you want and feel is worth having, you must do everything you can to get it and succeed, but give-up!"
Yes, it hurts to try and fail, but the true character of an individual is told by their determination and dedication by picking themselves up, dusting-off their bum, and digging right in again … until they get what they want, believe they need, and so passionately desire!"
A great poem, Laura Kate … simply put, "I love it! ⁓ Richard 🍃
Posted 5 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
5 Years Ago
Hi Richard, what a lovely review you have left for me!
Thank you in particular for yo.. read moreHi Richard, what a lovely review you have left for me!
Thank you in particular for your mention of my free verse and line breaks which I often play around with and wonder if I should give a more traditional structure.
I am so pleased to read your thoughts :)
Laura
5 Years Ago
Laura,
I believe there is a poetic form that best fits every thought, feeling, emotion, need,.. read moreLaura,
I believe there is a poetic form that best fits every thought, feeling, emotion, need, and desire.
Free Verse is certainly one of the most flexible of all poetic forms. Most do not realize that Free Verse, as do all poetic forms, have directives to follow, but this is, Obviously, not the case with You. ⁓ Richard 🍂
You capture an acute sense of loss of love, and that really resonates with me. "You took my breath away / and I let you"... we always do, it's because we're poets. ;)
Your lines resonate. Many will understand them and feel the change that sadly occurs with some relationships. When something so intoxicating and breathless turns into "Are we strangers now?" There is much hurt there, much pondering to be done and many questions to be asked. How do we go from a to z without even realising what's truly going on? Much to contemplate in this well written and heartfelt poem LauraKate.
Chris
Posted 5 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
5 Years Ago
Absolutely, there can be so much left unsaid at times. Thank you for your lovely and understanding r.. read moreAbsolutely, there can be so much left unsaid at times. Thank you for your lovely and understanding review Chris.
How sad when one has to ask those questions or set such thoughts in public... They might be fictional but even an exposure of such thinking shows doubts, hunches.. whatever. Saying that, dear you, this is a fragile but beautiful set of words, written as if tears pouring down a page. In that, please, please, feel comfort.. your poetry shines. Hugs.
Posted 5 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
5 Years Ago
What a lovely, understanding review you have left for me Emma. I appreciate it, thank you.
I can relate. I knew someone very well, lost him for a stupid reason and met him again several years later. Everything was exactly as though we had never parted.
Posted 5 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
5 Years Ago
What a lovely story Lea, I'm pleased to hear of your happy reunion. Thank you for reading.
Laura, such a simple question, rhetorical perhaps, that captures what we feel when we feel deceived (not necessarily cheated), after making ourselves absolutely vulnerable to someone, sharing hopes, dreams, fears and doubts... and then later a distance exists that no longer allows us to express those things intimately.
"You took my breath away and I let you" is the line that keeps running through my mind, and it speaks to what I said earlier. We give ourselves to someone, and we trust that won't take that "breath" for granted. A moving poem that leaves the heart wanting, not only an answer but love.
Posted 5 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
5 Years Ago
You picked up on something really important there, how we feel when we feel deceived but not necessa.. read moreYou picked up on something really important there, how we feel when we feel deceived but not necessarily cheated. The line can certainly be blurred when two people are not on the same page, or when expectations are different. I really liked what you read into this, you explain it so well.
Thank you for reading and offering your helpful thoughts.
Laura
Gosh, Laura Kate!
You are so young to write with such a depth of maturity in relationships, emotional sensations, and the scintillating pleasures of arousal.
"You took my breath away, and I let you.", "that kiss, the one that tore my heart right out", "the touch that turned my skin to butter."
Your Free Verse skill hits all the sensitive points: The rousing imagery of vivid metaphor, spot-on line-breaks, seamless syntactical flow … eloquently portrayed, and more.
Ya know, Larua Kate?
I was once asked, "Why, Richard, do you keep falling in-love only to have your heart broken?" I replied, "Kenneth, my friend, it is my feeling that to achieve anything you want and feel is worth having, you must do everything you can to get it and succeed, but give-up!"
Yes, it hurts to try and fail, but the true character of an individual is told by their determination and dedication by picking themselves up, dusting-off their bum, and digging right in again … until they get what they want, believe they need, and so passionately desire!"
A great poem, Laura Kate … simply put, "I love it! ⁓ Richard 🍃
Posted 5 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
5 Years Ago
Hi Richard, what a lovely review you have left for me!
Thank you in particular for yo.. read moreHi Richard, what a lovely review you have left for me!
Thank you in particular for your mention of my free verse and line breaks which I often play around with and wonder if I should give a more traditional structure.
I am so pleased to read your thoughts :)
Laura
5 Years Ago
Laura,
I believe there is a poetic form that best fits every thought, feeling, emotion, need,.. read moreLaura,
I believe there is a poetic form that best fits every thought, feeling, emotion, need, and desire.
Free Verse is certainly one of the most flexible of all poetic forms. Most do not realize that Free Verse, as do all poetic forms, have directives to follow, but this is, Obviously, not the case with You. ⁓ Richard 🍂
this is tough...because she already felt iced over from a past relationship or relationships...and he had melted that ice, but now is making her feel that very cold draft once again...the speaker had thawed...but there is snow on her beach again.
j.
Thank you so much for your insightful review as always J!
Laura
This comment has been deleted by the poster.
5 Years Ago
Perhaps she'll just sit on the snowy bench next time, accept it for what it is, with her wellies, an.. read morePerhaps she'll just sit on the snowy bench next time, accept it for what it is, with her wellies, and a nice hot cuppa tea ;)