Rainbow Dragon

She came for me

at the dawn of day

wearing a long black cape

which covered her face

she stood tall and strong

with her people standing in lines,

waiting for her command

to take living souls from life 

my friends, we all hid

behind whatever we could find

she said she only wanted one life

whose it was, she didn't mind.

Said the knight to the old man

'have you said your last goodbyes?'

assuming that, a brave wise man

would be the one to sacrifice 

but the sorceress wasn't interested

in those who had few days to live,

she wanted the young and fruitful

the ones who had most to give

and suddenly crashing in through the walls

came you, young dragon without a flame

shining brightly as if made of sun and rain,

doing whatever you could, to protect and save

so strong you were, and yet so gentle 

so brave, and yet so unwise,

you had no idea how to use your own strength

it was the cause of your own demise,

you risked your life to save me, dragon

and as you hold on to the crumbling walls

I could not bear to see you go alone, rainbow dragon,

my life is no more important than yours.

Reviews

[BlackPrince]

'But the sorceress wasn't interested
in the ones who had few days to live;
she wanted the young and fruitful
who still had the most to give.'

What a wonderful intelligent summary of certain characters in our society with such dark negative vibes and aspirations to destroy others!

I'd use this poem to add to my life lessons about carefulness.

Well done

[Laura Kate]

Thank you for your feedback! Best wishes,
Laura

[barleygirl]

As a person who enjoys a straightforward story, I love that you don't make this too complicated with nuances & symbols. You use clear language to tell this story in verse & there's strong imagination in your tale, along with some twists & turns to give it tension. My only drawback would be that you use simple word choices . . . example from V2: "she stood tall & strong with her people standing in lines" . . . especially with verbs, there are more dynamic ways to show this scene . . . she towered tall & strong . . . people restless in lines . . . you can change just one word & put more meaning into a simply-stated line. The thesaurus is a writer's best friend . . . that's where I try on many different words to try to pump up the intensity of my writing. But whether you try to do it that way or not, your writing is still clear & interesting & compelling (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Laura Kate]

Hi Barleygirl, thank you for your very thoughtful and constructive feedback. I must admit, I write a lot of free verse and have thought that I would like to edit and improve when I have the time. Perhaps a nice summer project in the sunshine with a thesaurus :) Best wishes, Laura

[Edie Blue Starfish]

The ultimat3 sacrifice for love.
I liked this but it leaves me wanting more.lmy curiosity piqued.
What is the back story.

[Laura Kate]

Thank you Edie. The scene came to me in a dream; dragons represent good luck and fortune, a woman in black represents a darkness or mystery. I seemed to be physically trapped between the two in my dream; opposing parts of myself, perhaps. I chose to follow the dragon but in doing so I exposed myself to the dangers or the darkness/mystery represented by the woman... Would love to hear your thoughts on this

[Edie Blue Starfish]

Some times you have to dive into the darkness to beat it from the inside?