Depersonalization

Battling with depersonalization disorder is a fight everyday.

Turn the key it's time to go
Around the corner, down this road
Tap the gas and end things fast
Glass will shatter when I crash
Tires cry, they're screaming no
But I'm afraid it's time to go
Caution tape will block the scene
I did this to myself it seems
Grieving folks and kids who 'knew' me
Will wonder why I did this to me
Months and weeks will pass them by
They'll soon forget about my life.
"Life's too short," my mother said
As she creeped inside my head
I know she's right, but I loose sight
I don't feel real, I don't like life
I scare myself, emotionless
5 years now I've dealt with this
To me its like a death sentence
I lie too much, I try to stop
I do bad things hoping to get caught
Cause when I'm caught
I feel an emotion
Something that helps me to keep going
I know it's not right, I wish I could care
I know I need help, but helps never there.
Avoiding the issue with all of the gossip
Convincing them all that I am okay
Cuz when their inside I'm not able to hide
They'll say that I'm crazy
It's all in my mind
No one can help
So why should I try?
I'll say what you want to avoid any issues
It's easier to laugh
Than to reach for the tissues.
I'm embarrassed to say that I feel far away
I know I need help at the end of the day
Wanting to die, you can't quite fathom
Step in my shoes I feel so abused
Once your inside, there's no getting out
You'll understand what DPD is about
To you I seem crazy, a tad bit too lazy
I've tried everything
I've even stopped blazing
EEG's MRI's say there's nothing wrong inside
But I still feel like I'm not real
Trapped in something so surreal
But that's enough, now I'll go
Walking down this unreal road
Hoping that, someday soon
I'll be real like all of you

Author's Note

Please let me know what you think.

Reviews

[MaryKC]

I think this is wonderfully written especially for it being such a tough subject matter. It is so hard to suffer so long from something and not know quite how to explain it to people. I have suffered from depression almost my entire life, and the only way I can explain it is through writing, so I really got this. I hope writing is helpful for you and at least somewhat healing. That was not to mean that I know exactly what you feel, certainly I do not, I do not have this disorder. I just meant, that I know it is hard to have something that people do not understand. Keep writing and keep trying, don't every give up, life is full of surprises. I really liked the way you wrote this

[Tony Jordan]

Uniquely specific subject matter.
Great way to highlight the issue.

[Shy Joe]

Your rhyming is great! I do like how you start with the rhyming, then you stop for a bit, then you go again. Certainly makes the rhyming feel less forced.

As far as the content, I can relate, in a way. Mental health disease has got to be one of the hardest elements of being human to cope with. If you are truly fighting such an aliment, keep your head up and push to make yourself stronger. If not, great write and good job portraying the problem many face.

Great write. Thanks for sharing.

[Paper]

I think the lack of breaks for separate stanzas makes it a bit harder to read, but creates this impression of a "string of thought" that fits thematically. It's a little challenging to read, but I think it fits the idea of it being hard to follow the many novel thoughts you have to share with readers here.

[AJ]

I thought that this was really good. I hate when people go through these types of things, but I enjoy reading the writing that lets you kinda understand a tiny bit of what they deal with even though I know it is nothing in comparison to the real deal. Stay strong.