101 Uses for a Spork

A completed challenge. The title says it all. Seriously, don't ask. XD

1)      Lodge it into someone’s throat

2)      Impale it into someone’s eye

3)      Tape to a round piece of material to make a crown

4)      Tape to a top hat to make it spiffier

5)      Duct tape it to a sword hilt for a better grip

6)      Sharpen the other end to make an all-purpose utensil

7)      Sharpen the other end to use as a makeshift Flat Head Screw Driver

8)      Thrust it into someone’s ear and pierce his or her brain…(Only applicable to people WITH brains.)

9)      Start food fights

10)  Interesting conversation starter

11)  Make your friends laugh by having one

12)  Something to suck on instead of hard candy when you quit smoking

13)  Something to fling at people’s heads when they’re not looking

14)  A make-shift microphone when a regular spoon or fork is out of reach

15)  An easy way to replace all spoons and forks in your silverware drawer. (Cuts down on dishes to wash!)

16)  Something to fling at people to gain their attention

17)  Break off the middle prongs and stab people with it. (Or yourself and claim you were bitten by a vampire.)

18)  Stab one’s wrist and drink the blood! (Good for people with blood fetishes.)

19)  Impale people’s fingers that get too close for comfort!

20)  Attach to the end of a pencil for a nifty pencil decoration

21)  Re-enact the death scene for Romeo and Juliet

22)  Quick way to get out of class! (Threaten to kill someone with your spork and get kicked out of class!)

23)  Load a shotgun with it and fire away!

24)  Get a metal spork fashioned and start ‘sporking’ people’s yards. (Instead of forking them. Such a good prank!!)

25)  Change the saying to: Stick a spork in me; I’m done!

26)  Give a cool team name!! The Sharpened Sporks!!

27)  Use as a back scratcher

28)  Use as a makeshift shovel!

29)  Give as a birthday gift for a good joke!

30)  Laugh as your beloved Croatian dwarf paladin with a great beard and an affinity for ale doesn’t know what a spork is. (Inside joke)

31)  Hold in your hand while the elementary school kids on your first bus route laugh to a point of crying because apparently, telling people that sporks are the weapons of the new age, is quite hilarious.

32)  Fashion one out of wood and go vampire hunting.

33)  Use a spork drawing in place of an ‘X’ or an ‘O’ when playing Tic-Tac-Toe

34)  Stab someone in the leg and twist so the wound won’t close. (Works great for those pesky perverts that try to hit on you when you don’t want them to.)

35)  Fashion a spork made of silver and go werewolf hunting

36)  Bang against pots and pans and use as a make-shift drum stick with your make-shift drums

37)  Castrate someone for his or her transgressions against you.

38)  Write a book about the multuous uses for sporks!

39)  Build a castle made of sporks!! (Obviously just a model castle)

40)  Use as a hairbrush…or comb. (Little Mermaid sound familiar?)

41)  Once you’ve gotten your metal spork, use it to carve things out of ice! (Shall replace all Ice Sculpting tools one day!)

42)  Replace all weapons of any kind with a spork since sporks are so much cooler than any weapons that man may have come up with

43)  Use as a scepter when playing with Barbies© (Because a spork scepter rules over all!)

44)  For kleptos: steal as many as you can from your local Taco Bell or KFC

45)  Randomly poke your neighbor with it and then deny ever doing it. Repeat until caught

46)  Scratch people that tick you off

47)  Throw at computer screen when it decides to mess with you

48)  Steal a person’s soul and place it on an over-sized spork in your front yard as a decoration

49)  Paint many sporks pink and glue them together in the shape of a Pink Flamingo and place them in your front yard to scare the neighbors

50)  Get a big wooden spork and play swords with someone

51)  Fashion a spork at the end of a pen and use it as such.

52)  After completing #51, start using the phrase: The Spork-pen is mightier than the Sword

53)  Start complimenting people by saying: You’re as sharp as a spork! (Meaning like quick in the head.)

54)  For drug addicts: Get a metal spork and use in place of a spoon for your heroine addictions! O.o;

55)  Hold threateningly while keeping it out of sight and claim it is a blade of some sort to ward off attackers!

56)  Give to someone who is trying to eat soup and laugh as it dribbles down his or her face

57)  Go back in time and invent the spork and be considered the greatest man or woman to ever live.

58)  Use to create a replica of the mashed potato mountain in Close Encounters of the Third Kind.

59)  Great tool for backpacking!

60)  Start preaching the gospel of ‘Spork!’

61)  Fling things at people (IE: Food, beads, candy, etc, etc)

62)  Scare people with your over-obsession with sporks.

63)  Use the other end as a guitar pick! (Won’t work so great with Bass guitars)

64)  Paint green and make your own Fruit and Walnut salad (suggestion: Make it almonds instead of walnuts) and hand out green sporks rather than forks and beat McDonald’s in the rat race!

65)  Carve nifty symbols/runes/designs onto your arm!

66)  Start a motorcycle gang! Hell’s Sporks!

67)  Make a sword blade that is shaped like a spork. It would probably hurt a lot more when used.

68)  Computer animate a spork and make it the new Microsoft Word Helper thing!

69)  Write a song about sporks!

70)  Name your band after sporks! The Rockin’ Sporks!

71)  Fashion little bitty gold sporks and make earrings out of them!!

72)  Eat Jell-O with it cuz no one really knows what you’re supposed to use to eat that stuff.

73)  Spoon someone’s eye out with a fork. (Will technically work since it’s both!)

74)  Fork someone’s eye out with a spoon! (See above stated logic)

75)  Use as a necklace pendant

76)  Fashion a small one and make it into a charm for Charm Bracelets!!

77)  Make a comic about the new superhero, Sporkman!!

78)  Turn above stated comic into a neat cartoon and have Sporkman merchandise!!

79)  Start a new line of running shoes: The Runnin’ Sporks

80)  Fashion an air-filled toy (like the hammers you get at the fair) shaped like a Spork!

81)  Fight with people over the fact that the Spork can beat the Foon any day. (Cuz a Foon is just plain gay. Hey…that rhymed…o.o;)

82)  Open up a club and make the hand-stamps that show who the under-age people are shaped like a Spork!

83)  Use a make-shift toothpick

84)  Add this to your infinite fount of useless knowledge: Colonel Sanders invented the Spork.

85)  Make a new kind of Chopper. The WestSpork Choppers.

86)  Make a new TV drama!! The OS (Orange Spork) or OSH (One Spork Hill)

87)  Make a new Sci-Fi flick. Spork Wars. Where Sporki (pronounced Spork-eye) Knights fight evil and injustice in the Sporkiverse and use…the Spork!! (George Lucas is so gonna sue me…)

88)  Grab two sporks and place in a perpendicular manner (in order to form a crucifix-like shape) when you’re being suddenly attacked by vampires and have nothing else

89)  Start marking ‘Spork’ down as your religion of practice.

90)  Start a whole ‘Spork’ religion.

91)  Rewrite the Styx song. Spork Madame Blue! (No, really, please don’t. It’s an awesome song and I want to stay on Dennis DeYoung’s good side. O.o;)

92)  Call in sick to work and claim you have Sporkitice (Highly contagious)

93)  Rewrite the ‘Whip-It’ song. Spork it! Spork it good!

94)  Carve little spork designs onto your fingernails once you’ve applied fingernail polish!

95)  Change the old saying to: Spork on and prosper.

96)  Count seconds using ‘Sporkissippi’ instead of Mississippi.

97)  Get a tattoo in the shape of a spork

98)  Make up a language and call it: Sporkese

99)  Create a beauty contest and call it the Miss Spork contest!

100)Start a new line of beauty products. Sporkimusk.

101)Well, I suppose you could eat with them, too.

Author's Note

I was being completely random. This isn't meant to be serious. Any additions would be greatly appreciated!

Reviews

[Here's What I Say]

8) Thrust it into someone's ear and pierce his or her brain�(Only applicable to people WITH brains.)

But when you think about it, the people WITH brains usually aren't the ones who NEED to be sporked in the brain (unless they're not using them).

102) In lieu of engagement rings, why not engagement sporks? Hey, you're gonna spend the rest of your life with this person, so you'll be eating together a lot, it's not gender specific, unlike diamond rings, and they're less expensive!

[...]

Draw a smiley face on it, thereby creating a new best friend? :] Hehe.

Nice write! ^^