Begotten Dream

Begotten Dream

To whom was milked
The sweetened cream
Ambrosia

The cratered mass
Of wombs envy
Demeters love

Which thrown into
A stage unmasked
Exposed agate

A doting lamb
Torn and shredded
Molded shape

Author's Note

An early draft and my first submitted work. Just wanted some feedback and direction

Reviews

[JayG]

Well, assuming that it's not the output of an online poetry generator app, honestly, it reads more like you're trying to impress the reader with how deep and undecipherable your thoughts are, with the goal, as Bunthoen put it in his first act song, "Am I Alone and Unobserved?"

And every one will say,
As you walk your mystic way,
"If this young man expresses himself
in terms too deep for me,
Why, what a very singularly deep young man
this deep young man must be!"

The goal of poetry is to move the reader, emotionally. To make them think, feel, and react.

Sorry, but you did ask. You might want to read Mary Oliver's, A Poetry Handbook. It's a positive gem of a book, and filled with surprises and useful information on how to add wings to your words.