Chapter 1

 
Rosalina

My child of light, the rest now lies in your hands.  
I’m sorry that I could not love you enough.  
I’m sorry that I can not be there when you wake up.
 
Violet
 
The hollow sky looked a dry purple to the naked eye, empty and lost. It reminds me of myself, in ways more than one. Even, you where the one to forge a me. For the first time ever I felt found. The mud clings to my boots, which are scaring along the stony path. 
I pull the lantern closer to my aching body. It’s extremely cold outside for being summer. Again, I question what I’m doing. It’s moronic, but at the time it seemed like a good idea. Either way it’s too late to turn back.  
The path opens up, into a big clear spot. I take a long, deep breath and feel my hands tremble as I put the lantern on the ground. I don’t want to cry, haven’t since I was thirteen-“She’s too stubborn” they’d say, “and awfully arrogant”-but a giant lump has lingered in my throat since yesterday and I’m not quite sure what to do with it. 
I jump when the lantern opens, and a dark mist flows out. This is it, I feel sick, this is happening. The shadow forms the silhouette of a thirteen year old boy. -Even.  
At first I have absolutely no idea of what to say, so instead I stand in amazement. Is this happiness? I don’t know, but it’s definitely unsettling. I missed him, all too much.  
“I’m sorry, Even.” Is all I can master. My heart is sinking, jumping and pulling at the same time. “My memories of that day are too vivid-although it was long ago. I betrayed you, left you to stray a-and I’m so sorry.”
“Enough,” his voice is like an echo vibrating in my head. “What is your business with me Violet?” It’s painful how he doesn’t sound the least cheerful. My chest tightens, “I miss you.”
He doesn’t say anything, doesn’t even laugh mockingly- that is somehow worse than any other reaction. “That hurts Violet.” His face doesn’t show a hint of pain as he says: “you only wish to fix me out of guilt. You can’t help but feel a burden hanging on your chest after abandoning me.” I don’t want to admit that what he says is true, so all it does is make me more flustered. “-But I’m ok Violet, can’t you tell? Broken toys like me are better thrown away and left alone.”
“I can put you back together!” I scream. That’s a lie, but I so desperately wish it not to be and if I shout it loud enough perhaps it’ll come true (hence me being arrogant). “Please..”
Even goes silent. He’s frustrated over something, I recognize the stance. “It’s not time,” he mumbles.
“What’s not?”
“She’s not ready!” Even hisses, “it’s not TIME.”
The mist in colour of death expands quickly. Too quickly. Even’s eyes go a blood red, and I notice that he has a spark of annoyance in them. “IT’S. NOT. TIME!”
Before long plants are dying around us, the soil is crumbling beneath our feet and I’m being pulled into his darkness. 

Faith

She was beautiful and elegant looking, but burnt to a crisp. Purple hair, dark blue eyes, a cold coloured dress with gold attachments and a long black cape. I’m not quite sure what to do in a situation like this, never been in one really. It’s seriously creeping me out how this open space (which looked perfectly normal yesterday morning) is now filled with burnt marks, dead plants, the smell of smoke and ash everywhere. Like a death bomb exploded here right in this woman’s face. Do I check if she’s dead? Do I call the ambulance? She looks peaceful, too peaceful (that means dead) but I just noticed her breathing. 
Before I can finish my thoughts she jumps up into a sitting position screaming ‘eleven’ or something. “No. S**t. Oh no, holy crap. I’ve really done it now, let the biggest threat to magic loose. God, things would be so much easier if I was dead right now. This makes things much harder. Wait a second, why am I not dead? Even could’ve definitely killed me, yet here I am. What does it matter, the magic council is going to hang me anyway. Erin won’t understand me, she won’t even f*****g try. Jesu-who the hell are you?” she rambles on, burying her glaring eyes into my light blue ones. Am I being pranked right now? This, in all sense, makes no sense.
“Eh, um, Faith” is all my awkward self can manage. The silence is broken once she let’s out a frustrated growl, “fantastic. This is just absolutely f*****g fabulous.” With a swipe of her finger and the words ‘you can’t heal the world till you heal yourself’ her burnt-marks were gone. I felt like my mind had stopped working, or perhaps I’d gotten too little sleep. -Because for this to happen, my mind must be playing tricks on me. I found myself staring dumfounded in horror, this woman could probably kill me right? She could definitely damage me, I’m sure, and that thought terrified me.  
For a short moment I stood frozen to the ground, as though superglue had been placed on my soles. Thankfully I quickly got my feet in gear, and with all might ran away in fear. My heart hammering in my head cried out in pain once a hand grabbed me by the arm and I heard ‘the bullet reaches you before the sound’.
 “What is it you want from me?” I winced from her strong grip (that only tightened.) She (of course) didn’t answer, only stood there quieted in thought. As I turned toward her I noticed a dark wooden wand being held in her left hand. Shaking, I thought of all the possible ways she could kill me. A sickening feeling reached out to my gut, that feeling you get when you know you’re about to die. There’s no other way to explain this unbearable feeling, so I close my eyes and wait for it patiently. This is it, I find myself repeating, but nothings happening. I’m not seeing my life flash before my eyes, nor am I dramatically falling to the ground.
When I open my eyes the lady is biting her thumb in frustration till it bleeds. “Do you remember me?”  
“W-what?” I stutter, “yes? I suppose I do?” What the hell is up with this girl? This is the weirdest conversation I’ve ever had. That being said I’ve been surrounded by normally grey personalities my entire life. “I don’t understand,” she whispers “I put a spell on you. Why haven’t you forgotten me?”
“I’m... Sorry?”

Violet

This is seriously bad. Not only did I practically kill the entire human race by letting Even go, but I can’t seem to wipe this girls memory blank. I know what I need to do, although it brings me no joy: I have to bring her to that old hag Luna. I’m unsure why my spell is not working on her, I’m not 0ut of magic. Let’s just hope Luna doesn’t give her away to that  weirdo friend she has. I’ve never met him, but from how much Luna talks about him (she worships him like a god. I don’t even think it’s love, just plain obsession) I’ve sort of carved an idea of what he’s like. Seems like the kind of person who’d experiment on rats. Luna’s probably going to try and kill me again, nothing I can do about that really. Well, guess I could be nicer but we all know that I’d get stepped on for that. I do remember (although I would love to forget) being kind and only getting stabbed in the back in return. I was such a wuss back then, so much so as to leave Even to stray when he needed me the most.  
I realize how much this girl annoys me. I don’t know why or how, but her fair and innocent face aggravates me. Must be the horrified expression she’s making, because she thinks that I’m going to hurt her. I won’t, I’m not a monster (though I can look slightly scary I suppose..)   
“We, my good friend,” I begin (she tensed up at the words ‘my good friend’) “are going on a little trip.”
“W-what?” she coughs up. My goodness the stuttering is annoying too. “Where to?”
“Only to the best mixer of elixirs ever. She’s going to clear your memory blank of anything unnecessary. Although, be careful around her she’s a little bit of a nut.”
“How could I go with some stranger to an unknown place? My father’s going to freak out! I don’t even know how far away the destination is!” she blabbers on. I swear, it’s going to come out as ‘blah blah blah’ soon.
I growl loudly. “My name’s Violet. There, not strangers anymore now are we? The place we’re going to is a mages house (Luna) and it’s around a two-days trip. Look kid, I could care less about your fathers nervous breakdown. Now let’s get a move on.”

Erin
 
I see the same thing every time I close my eyes. A dark mist, screams, encouraging speeches, cries and most of all death. It’s not like I try to think about it, not like I try to ignore it either. It’s just there, and the more I refuse to think about it the more I do. In a way you could say that I’ve come to peace with it. In another you could say I gave up, and let it take over my mind. I’m not sad, not depressed or even scared. If I were to die then that would be great, because I wouldn’t have to end anymore lives or hear anymore screams. This job I’m stuck with (the job I hate) I only do because of the last words of my former comrades. Words such as: “you can do it” or “never give up” maybe even “avenge me.” Because of these simple (and utterly pathetic) words I have been chained to this military force. My own personal hell, that I feel complied to continue.
I feel great happiness amongst my comrades, it’s not like I’ve gone emotionless. However, it’s like playing with fire doing so, because when you get too close and they die: you burn. That’s why I felt my heart sink when I heard Alex (my assistant) tell me a dark mist was heading our way. I felt the life I’ve had flutter before my eyes, and saw the following people:

Alex. My assistant/good friend. Wears thin glasses over emerald green eyes. Has soft dark hair in layers, dimples and around three moles on his right eye. Kind, yet mischievous and stubborn (not as stubborn as Violet though.) Alex was just promoted to knight class (there are four classes), and although Valory would be more suited for the position (of being my assistant), Alex was always by my side and helping me. Even with his idiotic nature of pulling pranks, he’s a sweet person.

Valory. A comrade/great friend. Red hair and caramel skin, she really is a beauty. Valory is a gentle soul, however is extremely secretive. I am unsure as to what she did before joining the military, but there’s no way she’d ever share that.

Wallace. Wallace is a giant blond man with the hugest hands in existence. The bone breakers, as everyone calls them. After all, Wallace uses iron gloves, and is known for being able to snap every bone in a persons body. He’s still soldier class, however has the stamina of someone with Grand.  

Quinn. Quinn is a skinny little man with unbelievable ‘ninja’ skills. By ‘ninja’ skills I mean that he can sneak up on anyone, move anywhere without the slightest sound and push specific places in your body to nummen you or even kill you. Although he has a boyish face, he is pretty handsome. I can’t see girls chasing after him though.

Clara. Thinking of her gives me a headache/heartache.

Eleven popped up, so did Leo and Luna. I miss them, wish I could show off about becoming a Grand class. -But I haven’t seen them in years, they probably don’t even remember my face. Violet showed up, too. Twice. I don’t know why, we haven’t spoken in forever and left things on a pretty bad note. She’s too naive, acts more like a child than ever. Why is it I want to see her so badly?

“Erin?” Alex jolts me out of my thoughts, making me have to regain calmness once more. I cough into my fist, and straighten the red military suit. “Yes. I shall see for myself then.”
When I reach the window I instantly feel the need to go back. My reflexes pin my eyes to the floor, and I realize how I’m shaking. Something cold aches it’s way to my chest, as I turn my head and see... Nothing...
Alex is laughing, not just chucking but full on manically cackling. I feel like crying and laughing at the same time, relief has never hit me this hard. “I am going to fire your fat a*s soon, Alex,” I grumble and watch his face slowly loose color. “P-please your majesty! I have a wife and kids!” he blabbers. “No you don’t.”
“I might have some day...” he jokingly dramatizes. I sigh, returning to my neatly cleaned desk. I’ll never be able to understand how Luna is able to live in the mess she does. “There is a place for everything and everyone,” she told me long ago. “If I were to clean it then it would ruin my system!”
The mist. If it really was loose, then how would we stop it? I still remember how a woman in beautiful exotic colors showed up. She was like nothing I’d ever seen before, nothing like anyone had seen before. Utterly beatific, enchanting and intoxicating. -And the magic was incredible and unbelievable, like the magic from God. She never told us her name, only said: “I am nothing, yet everything. Therefore I own the power of life.”
I’ve never been good with riddles. Cracking that code is impossible for someone like me, so I’ve never even tried. I can hear class shattering, and a cold shiver goes down my spine (for some reason.)
Why do I feel like death is inching closer by the second? The answer came soon after when a runner came bursting through my door. A runner is a messenger, he or she brings information if urgent. The reason they’re called runners is because they have to be spectacular at it (running that is) so that Project red won’t catch them before they deliver the info. (Anyway) this runner didn’t hesitate in the least before she said: “Giant deadly demon heading straight here! The shadow, the mist, it’s been left loose!”

Faith

It’s been dead quiet the for the entire time, extremely awkward and the air is too tense to breathe. It’s the atmosphere that turned gloomy, and I’m not sure how to handle that. Not sure if Violet wants me to handle it. She seems like the easily aggravated and silent type, so she probably just wants me to shut up.  
I asked her where this ‘Luna’ lives, and got answered with: “She lives nowhere and everywhere, there is always a path leading to her house.” I hadn’t quite understood and asked how that works. “Magic,” she said, “there is always a strong force of magic that shows you the way. Well, I wasn’t expecting you to understand. You are human after all.”
It was suffocating how long this journey seemed out to be, I so desperately wished I could leave. “It may not be any of my business, but why were you lying there covered in burnt marks?”ˆ
“You’re right,” she scoffs and folds her arms. “It really is none of your business. Besides, it’s a long story.”  Violet’s eyes look hollow for a moment, layered and toppled with different hues of purple. -Like a lifeless puppet.  
“I have time. Two days worth,” I don’t know why I smirk, but I do. -Maybe because I like to see the tough Violet’s face flushed. She stares at the floor (continues kicking a rock) and keeps opening her mouth as to say something but quickly closes it. “I can’t. It’s, um, too personal"

Eleven

It’s as close as love gets for me. Seeing his face, feeling enchanted and protected. What is love? Does it make your heart pound? Does it make you feel alive? I’ve never felt alive, more like a walking corpse. At least I feel safe with him around, is that enough? I will continue to stay by his side, smile at him in the morning and hug him goodnight. I won’t let him abandon me like my parents did, he will forever be mine for keeping. 
The ocean is beautiful, shimmers more than a thousand gems but not as much as he does. There’s something in his eyes, life. It’s something I want, something I need. Is it selfish of me to take it? Is it bad of me to end anything that tries to take it away from me? That’s how I got Luna away, although she never opposed much of a threat. Isn’t she in love with that friend of hers anyway? Nicholas, wasn’t it? 
“What is it you want to do Eleven?” he asked me years ago, with the sun beaming into his eyes. The war had ended, we’d defeated the great demon (Even) and had no where to go. Our home had been destroyed, now there was only an empty space. This home, this school, where thousands of people lived, how could someone dare to destroy something so precious to me?
I shook my head, “I don’t know. Where is there to go?”
That man, who goes by the name Leo, gently smiled at me. “That doesn’t matter, as long as we have each other.”
I refuse to accept that he doesn’t love me. I’ve never been wanted or warmed up before, so I need him to love me. If he doesn’t, he’ll leave my side some day. 

Violet

When we arrived at Luna’s cottage a wave of nostalgia flew through me. A longing to go back, I wanted so badly to hold on to that feeling. Vines covered the one roomed red house, with a magnificent flower garden blooming outside her doorstep. It looks so cosy from outside, so beautiful and calm. It deceived me he first time I came here, for I had no idea how the inside was.
As I knocked on the door, a voice shouted from the inside: “Password.” Luna and her stupid a*s passwords, they don’t even make sense. “Cut the crap. It’s me, Violet.”
“Password,” she repeated, louder this time. I growled, “the birds aren’t singing, they’re crying. There, happy?”
The door opened, and I saw a short young (looking) girl with silky raven hair. I could see her red eyes when she turned around, crimson and as hypnotizing as ever. Faith looked in utter shock, “t-this is the Luna you we’re talking about? She looks like a child! No more then fourteen years old!”
I snorted, it’s become a bad habit to huff every time someone finishes a sentence. “Don’t let that trick you, she’s older than you’ll ever be.”
“Turned 180 this Tuesday actually. You seem to have gotten ruder than ever Violet, didn’t even send a card. At least I knew you’d remembered when you gave me a bunch of dead flowers.” Luna sighed, sat down on the dusty table (which practically took up the entire room) while knocking over a bunch of glass bottles. This place never seizes to amaze me, the fact that she can keep it so messy. There’s a bunch of glass flasks and potions on shelves all over. Papers are scattered around the room (she’s probably tripped on them three times this morning) and a simple bed (in the left corner) is all that looks normal.
“Sorry, I was going send one in the mail, too bad you don’t have a mail box.” I glanced around the room, then back at Luna and eventually met Faith’s gaze. I tried explaining the situation, and intrigued Luna quite a lot from the looks of things.
“Interesting. Heh, ok, I’ll mix a potion up right away.” She knelt down to fetch some papers, “-if.” Here it comes. “Faith tries another potion of mine. The fact that your spell can’t swipe her memories away is very strange, so I’m going to have that checked out.”
Faith looks terrified. I don’t blame her, Luna’s normally gentle with teenagers, but she’s mentally unstable. "What are you going to give her?"
"Miss," Luna added. "I remember when you used to call me that and cling to my dress all day. What happened to you Violet? You used to be so cute.”
“You’re not my mentor anymore, miss. -And I matured, thank you.” The air was hot, and uncomfortable to breathe. Does this woman ever open the damn window?
Luna grabbed some potions, what looked like plain gore, a blue heart, a black butterfly and a white one with broken wings. Poor creatures, isn’t it sad how they were born only to get stuffed in jars and die? What came out of the mixture was a clear color. It looked exactly like water, so you could pull a good prank on someone with this (I know from experience.)
Faith picked at it like a gross side-dish and swiftly swallowed it in one giant gulp (just trying to rip the plaster off and getting it done with I guess.)
She begun coughing, full on wheezing and shaking. Then she just stopped moving, stood still as a statue while her eyes slowly grew white.

Author's Note

:D

Reviews

[JayG]

Lots of words, but not much context for the reader.

You're presenting this as if the character living the story is dictating, moment-by-moment as they live the story. Works if it's a graphic novel and we can see what's going on. Without that, though, the reader has no context.

When you read you know the people and the situation as you read, so it works. But look at what a reader, who knows only what the words suggest to them, sees.

• “The hollow sky looked a dry purple to the naked eye, empty and lost.”

You open with a weather report. Why does the reader care? They can’t see it, and have no idea of what a “hollow sky” is. They don’t know where they are, what’s going on, or anything meaningful that would make the fact that it’s not raining matter to THEM.

• “It reminds me of myself, in ways more than one.”

This line literally has no meaning to the reader. The character’s age, gender, location, dress, situation, goal for the immediate future, and more is unknown. So how in the hell can the sky remind them of anything about the character's past? And more to the point, why would they care that the sky reminds someone they know nothing about of events they also know nothing about?

• “Even, you where the one to forge a me.”

Did you edit this? Did you even do a cursory read of what you’ve written? It appears not. You ask people to help you by reading and commenting, and yet you take no steps to show them work worthy of being critiqued.

Never, never, never show anything but your “A” game, polished as brightly as you can, because only then can the reader get an accurate look at where you stand.

As it stands, this is unreadable. Sorry, but it is.

That aside, it’s obvious that you’re trying to write fiction with only the writing tools we’re given in our school days. That can’t work because we learn only nonfiction skills (remember all those reports and essays?) in school. So if writing fiction is your goal, some time spent picking up a few of the skills the pros take for granted would be a wise investment of time. Your local library’s fiction writing department can he a huge help in that.

[Bunni]

Thank you very very much for the review :3
I will take it all in as a way to improve.