The Proposal

Happy Valentines Week

"8th February" :-I sighed and continued:- "So you come again" and my voice echoed in the empty college auditorium with little noise of the props being moved on stage. At the time I had two things in my mind.
First, how to get the stage ready for the rehearsal and mould myself into the priviliged position of a director.
And second, I was reflecting upon this stupid date people call 'Propose Day'.

I remember very how today only three years back, in high school I proposed this girl who baeely knew me. God! I was so foolish yet daring at that time. And now.. I didn't even know the destination of my love, moving towards it was next to impossible. I sighed, now out of ignorance. I turned back to see the stage which now resembled a restaurant with helpers giving the final touches. I heard the sound of footsteps coming towards the place.

Something came in my mind and I went up the balcony and stood behind the curtains as if I wanted no one to see me. The sound of progressing steps changed into murmuring and then entered two of my actors (and classmates) Rehman and Daisy. They were early on schedule and in the middle of a conversation.

"Please! They are also a part of this country and.. and humans. I tthink its against human rights" :- said Daisy presenting her views fiercely on a seemingly sensitive issue.

"I get it. Cool! Cool!" :-said the tall dark boy standing next to her as if balancing her temperament with his own. She took a few sighs, quickly yet keenly obeserved the stage and started off right away:- "Again, it is for our Annual Function no? How can we present a romanfic act here?"

"Yes it is for that only." :-he frowned. "We are just taking advantage of the Valentines Week and presenting a comic act about it."
"Hmmm... Valentines Week" :-she looked highly disintersted.
Rehman:- "Allah! Who could you are half British? Today is Propose Day, for instance."
"So what? No one proposed me." :-she made the puppy dog face.

"I can't believe it. You are fair, got lovely hair, yummy lips! How come guys didn't ask you for a chance to let them ravage your beauty." :-Rehman said with exaggeration, coating each syllable of his sentence.

"God! Why everytime you compliment me, you do it the way the way jealous competitive girls do?" :-words came out like arrows.
"May be. I wish someone would propose me." :-his tone got serious suddenly.
"I don't think girls propose boys." :-she made a lame attempt to cheer him up.

"Don't YOU say this atleast. An open-minded and flamboyant girl like you shouldn't wait for guys to ask her out. Just imagine how cool it would look." :-Rehman seemed liking the concept and so did Daisy.

"Yaar! It makes sense. Lets rehearse" :-she said picking up the 'box with the ring' prop and knealed down. Now on her knees, she said:- "Getting roses from Daisy and love from your best friend. You can't gat any luckier! Now, if you are still done annoying me, would you like to do that for your whole life?"

He silently gazed for a moment, then said softly:- "I do" and took out a real girl's ring from the box. Nothing was left to be comprehended. Daisy stood up with a naughty smile on her face and hugged Rehman. She made the ring reach its destination and came back in the embrace. Now crying she said:- "This was planned no?"

"Haan':- said her love as he held her with security. They cherished the moment with no one to disturb, no spectator but me. My eyes were wet too. Walking out from the back door of the auditorium I felt inspired. I took out my phone and typed:- "Best friends love you best and it is proven yet again today. No girl would care for us the way we do for each other. We are not just friends, and you know that. That's why I propose you today, but with expecting nothing in return but understanding and support." :- and sent it to Eashan.

A love story seems perfect when it is between best friends. So what difference does it make if they are both boys. After all we are also a part of this country and all. Law and society may do, but God doesn't discriminate between love. After all it is Valentines Week for everyone.

Author's Note

Should I de-gay the story? My motive to write this was to incorporate the unique proposal (1st part) which was stuck in my head for long time. If that part is good enough I may use it in anovel or something. Please review and clear my doubts :-)

Reviews

[Dai Hanshou]

Well, I feel tempted to point out your mistakes seeing as this was read as per your request. And when I review, I do it mercilessly, so do not expect ceremonious statements.

First off, your dialogues need to be fixed. And your use of punctuation is not correct. Why would you use a semi-colon? It's entirely wrong, and perhaps you could use synonyms of words 'cause you overused some of them ('proposal', for instance). It just exacerbated the quality of the piece. There are spelling mistakes, and it needs to be edited and proof-read for you to make it a novel. You could see novels for punctuation.

I'll point out these for now:
1. I remember very how today only three years back. (?)

2. Something came (up?) in my mind and I went...

3. Wrong: "I get it. Cool! Cool!" :-said the tall dark boy standing next to her...
Correct: "I get it. Cool! Cool!" said the tall dark boy standing next to her...

4. Wrong: "God! Why everytime you compliment me (? Seems cheap), you do it the way the way jealous competitive girls do?"
Correct: "God! Why must you compliment me the way jealous girls do!" ('Jealous, competitive girls' looks exaggerated, it loses the realistic quality of the composed writing.)

5. "May be. I wish someone would propose me." Overuse of the word propose, better change the title then.

6. Lets. No, it'll be 'Let's'.

7. Wrong: "That's why I propose you today, but with expecting nothing in return but understanding and support."
You could change the structures of sentences. Like, 'I hope you accept my proposition for you, knowing that I expect nothing in return but your understanding and support."

8. "Please! They are also a part of this country and.. and humans. I tthink its against human rights"
This could be portrayed in a nicer way, like: "Please! They're also a part of this country and—and humans. I think it's against human rights."

And yeah, this will be helpful.

[Penny]

Thanks for taking the time in reviewing the piece. As you said, you are merciless but very helpful. The mistakes you pointed out with punctuations would have been continued by me, had not you pointed them out (I didn't know I was wrong) and the spelling mistakes occurred out of carelssness but the suggestions you gave about the sentences were really helpful. People usually comment on my language

[Penny]

I have one problem with your review though..

[Irfan Bashir Shah]

Mistakes:
I proposed this girl who baeely knew me..... Baeely? (Barely)
I didn't even know the destination of my love, moving towards it was next to impossible. (instead of a comma use a semi colon.)
I tthink its against... (think it's)
":-" (Why use a these after every dialogue. Not required.)
present a romanfic act here (romantic)
"Allah! Who could you are half British? (this sentence is totally incorrect)

Why everytime you compliment me, you do it the way the way jealous competitive girls do...
(Why do you compliment me like jealous competitive girls do)

Rehman seemed liking the concept (to like the concept)
ring from the box (out of the box)
She made the ring reach its destination and came back in the embrace... (change this sentence completely)
Now crying she said..( then she said with teary eyes..)
held her with security.. (It makes little sense.. omit this sentence if possible)

And there many more mistakes......

The point is, you need to work on your writing skills. I understand English is not your first language, neither is mine. It's my 5th language to be precise.
I recommend you to read a good grammar book. Hopefully, you'll improve quickly.

On a positive note, you did manage to pack a punch or two.
Keep writing and keep trying. Nobody is perfect. We all are here to learn.