Relations

I wrote this poem today only.

The warmth of a mother's lap,
Drinking memoties, the juicy sap.
These start and stop our heart's vibrations,
That is why, we call them relations.

Bunking classes with your friends,
Or crying when the college ends.
We miss these friendly radiations,
Dwell in our minds, such relations.

And the ones of we dream oft,
Love of our lives and kisses soft.
Voyager of endless imaginations,
Makes us these, naughty relations.

Sitting with your pet on the floor,
And playing with him when you get bored.
To our unheard pains, these our destinations,
Silent and selfless relations

The broken ones too form a part,
Ugly shadows, on our hearts they cast.
Are precursor of sad creations,
Even the worthless broken relations.

Author's Note

Imperfect? Because U wrote in just half an hour. I was given the title and told to write. How is it??

Reviews

[Bowers]

I love how you brought each stanza to the relations, you have a wonderful ways of words, seriously, I love this poem!

"The broken ones too form a part,
Ugly shadows, on our hearts they cast."

these lines really made an impact, such great words, full of emotion!

Great write!

[Penny]

Thanks a lot. Even a crescent is as beautiful as full moon, doesn't matter if two lines made sn impact or two stanzas as long as my piece is well liked. Thanks again.

[Bowers]

your welcome! :)

[Pushkar Prabhat]

well it is great!
defines "relations" very well.
loved it.
:)

[Penny]

Thanks a lot Pushkar. Your praises motivate me to write better.

[NotaBene]

Love it! I love the way you bring meaning to every relation we come across.
Even ones that may seem like they didn't/ shouldn't have an impact on us.
Wonderful write.

[Penny]

Thanks a lot Eliana. This review means a lot to me.

[Dhaye]

We live with other people...we need good relations with others.
Well-penned as a product of 30-minute writing exercise.

[Penny]

Thanks for reviewing. I'm glad you liked it.

[AYVID N]

Well you did a very good job in half an hour Penny. What's life without our near and dear ones? We live for them and by them. Wonderfully written, my friend! Looking forward to reading more of your writing soon.

[Penny]

Thnx a lot divya. I'm glad you liked it

[Antonio Hernandez]

I can see this being published somewhere with a little bit more work. You've got an idea going on here, defining relations in what appears to be the order in which people most commonly experience them. But in that regard, the last stanza seems to break that order almost. Depending on what direction you want the poem to go in, you can either keep the last stanza where it is or move it. And on top of that, you should definitely get a solid rhythm and pace going on to make it much more fluid and (I hate describing poems with this word) poetic.

[Penny]

Thanks a lot antonio. You have surely taken time to review this piece and every single thing you have dmsaid is worth getting attention and I will surely improve upon them. Also, there is no need to feel awkward if you use a harsh unless and until your intentions are pure but again thats a partbof your behaviour, your psychology. But thanks again

[David Scott]

I like how you included broken relations as well. I am not sure I would say, "worthless broken", because it is not what your poem is trying to state I think. Also, I would consider ending this poem with one of the positive stanzas, because this is the true emotion of the poem. While the counterpoint is part of this thought, but not the emphasis. I like to see the last stanza solidify the intention of the write.
Overall, I enjoyed the poem and the philosophy of your write.

[Penny]

Tenkew david. Everything you said is cent percent true. Infact, now I know after this review why i may have lost the contest on college (because of last stanza). Still, I would consider your opinion to have a look at it because as I said it was a spontaneous write and it just the first draft.

[Gaurav Walia]

It's simply amazing. Keep it up! :D

[Linda alexander]

Enjoyed, great write, relations is a integral part in one's life, nice relations add colors to your life

[Penny]

Tenkew linda.I'm obliged.

[Linda alexander]

You welcome

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

Its amazing i really enjoyed it.
It has such a deep meaning to it, and is filled with strong emotions, seems like it was written from your heart.
It flows well rhymes really well, and sounds very poetic :)
I loved it well done Penny :)

[Penny]

Thanks a lot cimmy.. you have made my day.

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

haha everyone says that are my reviews that great?

[Penny]

Whatever comes st8 from heart is always great.

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

haha no wonder why then :) well im glad to make you'res and everyone elses day :P