Chapter 1

"Izzy, what are you doing?" Ted angrily asked to me. Dishes fell out of my hands and smash into tiny fragments. People started to looking at me.As I remember, I always was very clumsy. That was one of the reasons why people always made fun of me.

"Nothing." I sighed and run to collect fragments. This was my first job in cafe. My name is Isabelle Fischer, I'm 20 years old girl in New York. In my school I always was gray mouse or white sparrow, call me whatever you want. I was clumsy, smart, unpopular and invisible for guys. Now it  was almost the same. Except boyfriends. In my whole lifetime I had four boyfriends and one problem with them all. They were crushing on me but I wasn't crushing on anyone of them. In my life I had only one crush. Jeremy Rush. He was smart, funny and outgoing. Only one problem. He always had a girlfriend. 

"Are you okay?" Elisabeth was worried.

"Umm, yeah. Just clumsy as always." I laughed and waved a hand. Sugar jar fell to the ground and cracked.

"F**k!" I growled and leaned to pick it up. Elisabeth shook her head.

"If you won't be more careful..." She said quietly.

"I know, I know." I stopped her mid-sentence. "I suck at everything. At love, my job, friends... Everything. My life sucks." I raised my voice. People looked at me again.

"Maybe you just gotta wait for your luck. Especially, in love. It won't come that fast." She smiled.

"Yes, but you have Anthonio. I don't have anyone." I said testily.

"Darling, I'm already 35 years old. I met him when I was 27." Elisabeth winked me.

"I wish my life could change tomorrow. I wish for it more than everything else." I closed my eyes.

"If you want it very much, it will come true." She straightened her apron.

"I hope so." I stood up and smiled at man who was looking at me. But what if I would meet Jeremy one day? 

"It won't happen." I said to myself. "Forget it. You will never meet Jeremy Rush."

 

                                                                           ***

Umm.. Jeremy Rush. Tall, brown haired, with deep blue eyes. He was every girl's dream. That was the reason why he always had some cutie barbie beside him. He dated only school's most popular girls. I wasn't one of them, like I already told. But how about now? Now I'm prettier, smarter, cooler... Probably.

Author's Note

This is my first story in english. Sorry, if there are some mistakes and I hope you will like it. :)

Reviews

[A. Amos]

I will not talk about typos or grammar errors, I truly feel you're a great story teller and you keep writing my friend; I enjoyed reading your work...

[TheOutsiderChick]

Thanks :) I haven't been in a while here and I'm very busy so I'm not sure, if I'll ever continue this one. :-/

[Ink-Faerie]

It seems nice. I like the characterization. I think you should ask someone to beta this so that they can fix your grammar mistakes. For someone just starting to write in English I think your'e doing a really good job. I would be willing to grammar check for you. Also I find you switch tenses in the same sentence. Try to stick to one tense throughout the whole thing. At the end you did fine, tense was great. At the beginning though you had some issues with changing between past and present tense. You had issues with how you phrase things too.

"I wasn't one of them, like I already said."
"Izzy what are you doing?" Ted angrily asked me.
I sighed and ran to collect the fragments.
..in the cafe.
I am a 20-year-old girl in New York.
gray mouse, or a white sparrow, call...
invisible to guys.
except with boyfriends.
I have had four and I've had one problem with them all.
on any of them
had had only one crush.
A sugar jar
and leaned down to pick it up
"If you aren't more careful"
I had raised my voice and people looked at me again.
Especially in love.
anything else
If you want it that much
if I could meet Jeremy

That's about all I see for grammar mistakes. That should fix your tense problem too.

[Aarea]

It seems like a good idea. Typical high school drama. Unpopular wants popular, popular doesn't care. Pity isn't it? But maybe things will work out for your little Cinderella... That's the fun of making a story. It was good, especially for a first English story. Keep writing and don't let English get you down!

[Diala Abu Al Hallawa]

I like it ! Really like your moving from one idea to another , keep on writing ...

[chloe]

this sounds like a great idea! i think it would make a great book! keep writing!

[Catlen]

You have the beginning of a nice story. Your first chapter ends well making the reader want to read on. Let me correct a few mistakes for you. I teach English so if you need any help, let me know. I look forward to reading more of your work.
"Ted angrily asked me. The dishes fell off my hands and smashed into tiny fragments. People started looking at me"
"As I remember, I had always been very clumsy."
"and ran to collect the fragments. This was my first job in a cafe. My name is Isabelle Fischer, I'm a 20-year-old girl living in New York. At school I was always a gray mouse or white sparrow, call me whatever you want. I was clumsy, smart, unpopular and invisible to guys. Now it was almost the same. Except boyfriends. In my whole lifetime I had four boyfriends and one problem with them all. They had a crush on me but I didn't.
"I knocked over a sugar jar which fell to the ground and cracked"
"If you aren't any more careful...," she said quietly.
"winked at me."
and smiled at the man
brown-haired
"I wasn't one of them, like I already told." I think this will flow better if you remove like I already told.

Keep writing. You have potential! ;)

[TheOutsiderChick]

Thank you :)

[Sandr]

I really like the content. There were a fair amount of grammatical errors, if you want I could tell you where they are and how to fix them, but the story is readable as is. Again, I really like the story and for your first story in English you wrote it really well!

[TheOutsiderChick]

Thank you very much :)

[zainul]

Let the English readers read it.
As a non-English reader I appreciate your efforts.
The story seems clean.
Some grammatical correction may be done as you revise later.