Where My Soul Is By: Lorraine Pearson
April 11, 2008
When there is Nothing Left to say
And
It seems All's been swept away
I find my soul
Upon the wind;
Like the spider on a thread
Blowing aimlessly along…. Enveloped In nature's song
Never longing
For an end Or an eternity.
I guess my literary ignorance is bliss...I really like it myself. I'm always more concerned with the impact of your words on my heart and soul, the feelings and emotions you evoke. This speaks to me. I think the notion of being enveloped is strong enough, given the conext of your poem, that it deserves its own line, to stand out, to be thought about. Same for "Nothing."
i have to say i kind of agree with mpotavin, even though I might not have come up with that myself; however now that i think about it it makes a lot of sense. :)
as far as the content, however, this is a really wonderful piece.
"Enveloped
In nature's song"
it's all very empowering,and personal, and we as writers can all (probably) relate... because we've been there.
big hugs
Your line breaks don't really work, as they are not consistent with your rhyming scheme. Try:
When there is nothing left to say
and its all been swept away,
I find my soul upon the wind;
like the spider on a thread.
Blowing aimlessly along,
enveloped in nature's song.
Never longing for an end
nor for eternity.
When this poem is spoken outloud using the breaks that you imposed, it sounds very disjointed. Line breaks are generally used for 1/4 breathe/pause, commas 1/2, periods a full breathe/pause. I think you slowed it down a little too much. Hope this helps.
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