Silent Surrender

"Acknowledging where the control truly is"

Silent Surrender
By: Lorraine Pearson
May 24, 2007


Waiting…wanting to breathe life into

Each moment- each second.

Still,
I know my fate
A stranger to control,
I have no say,
It's not up to me!
Tomorrow
Everything changes
Once again—
Everything begins.
Exhaustion envelops
As I hear
the starting gunfire
In the distance.

© Lorraine Pearson 2007

Reviews

[Bruce Bray]

love this piece..
to me, this speaks of two things.. anxiety and control..
each working off of each other..
the fact that one wishes to breathe life into ever second..
waiting for tomorrow to begin again..
it is quite like the gunfire going off in the distance..
telling you to start again..

this is probably again, one of those pieces that means something different to me..
but i love it..

BRAVO!

[A.J. Smith]

It must be, in so many ways, both comforting and incredibly difficult to relenquish your fate. I suspect this was a very difficult piece to write emotionally. Thank you for sharing yourself so openly with this poem.

[Ian Caithness]

There is an excellent use of graphological features in this poem. The use of caesuras - It has dramatic effect! In most poems, the caesura is often used to indicate a pause and, whilst this is the correct usage of the feature, it is not the intended effect. It is intended to cause drama, e.g. 'He fell - very hard'. The caesura indicates that sense of drama and pain. 'Each moment- each second.' Those lines were just beautiful. I loved the use of italics to contrast the word 'moment' with 'second'. Moments can last for an eternity. A second is a glimpse in time. Perfection.

I also quite liked the use of ellipses. You've used the common one but it works 'Waiting...' - Most people use this to induce some sense of doubt, a hesitation of sorts. In this poem, it's used in quite the opposite. It seems as though this person is waiting for another. I can feel the emotion radiating from the words. It just seems to work so well together. 'It's not up to me!' - This just invoked a sense of drama within me, the horror and the realisation that came from that single line...wonderful! You've used the exclamation mark well - without it, it would just another line in the poem. People are now focused on it.

The structure is quite strange. Two lines and thirteen lines in two stanzas. The two lines were quite long and evoked a flowing moment and the sudden sharp one word line in the beginning of the second stanza brings out a shattering of power, the fast pace of the drums as you continue to read, moving through the poem at pace, inducing some sense of need in the reader. The only problem I have is with the language - It's so simple. You could've done so much more with it. Put a capital letter on 'Fate' - Make it seem like an entity, not a noun. Use more adjectives. It's wonderful but there is also the potential to improve.

[Chez Funk]

Each moment does matter. The starting gunfire evokes something in me tonight, but I don't know what it is. Nice one.

[Forest Green]

What is the challenge being faced? Perhaps it doesn't matter...we are all about facing our fears and hardships with knowing courage.

Good thoughts, excellent sense of purpose.

Daniel